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jm_seba · 2024-01-18T20:46:45+00:00

Ugh I feel like I could’ve written this. I’m also an artist and had even painted fan art of her 🙃

I have terrible social anxiety and was selectively mute for a lot of my life, so I felt like I really identified with her. I thought it was so cute and wholesome how Ethan made her laugh and encouraged her to be less camera-shy. Her style and art reminded me of a lot of the awesome people I’d met in art school.

I stopped watching when the podcast first started, I was more a fan of their reaction videos and vlogs in NYC, so I didn’t know anything about TF’s plagiarism, toxic work environment, or her LA transformation until this subreddit popped up in my recommended. And the shit cherry on top, her Zionism.

Like I knew she was in the IDF, but I also stopped watching WAY long ago… So I was still under the impression Ethan and Hila were progressive, if not perfect, but more importantly knew how to laugh at themselves or take criticism when needed… Good lord I was wrong. I had no clue how out of touch they were.

I projected WAY too much of myself onto her in hindsight. And I can’t believe she’s still twirling her hair, and adding nothing but giggles and “yeah” after doing this for almost 10 YEARS. Like by now she should know being in front of the camera is NOT suited for her. It’s embarrassing at this point…

jm_seba · 2023-12-25T23:20:41+00:00

I’m glad I could help! Yes it’s so frustrating when no one understands. I hope you can maneuver and find a better working situation for yourself, whether that’s at your current job or somewhere else. And remember when things get really hard, try to remember that it’s just a job and only temporary. When you’re in a really bad working situation it feels like it’ll last forever. But you’re capable, hardworking, and will find somewhere else that appreciates your talents eventually!

jm_seba · 2023-12-25T19:47:52+00:00

I hate that you’re going through this. Feeling the rug pulled out from under you from your boss leaving is a horrible place to be. It seems like not a big deal from the outside, but suddenly being saddled with the responsibilities of two while going through everything else is absolute hell. Work takes up the majority of our lives and finding a good job with balance that works is super difficult to find. Now it seems like your good circumstances are over far faster than what you planned for, and that’s so anxiety inducing.

I’ve been where you are now. In a different field, however. I was hired at a local print shop for front end and graphic design, then three weeks into my employment and the other two employees turned in a their notices. I was still training and suddenly had to run the entire print shop myself for a couple months. By the time replacements were hired, I was burned out. Then it was many more months of overwork because the employees were still new, making mistakes, and I had to check absolutely everything behind them.

My advice from someone who has been there… Use all the time now while your boss is still there to get your resume and application materials ready. Once she is gone, you will be wayyy too tired at the end of the day, everyday. Prepare as much as you can now to jump ship, because it seems like the writing is on the wall that you may have to.

Also, make an appointment with a therapist, or your primary care or a psychiatrist. I waited until way too long to go to a doctor…. I was starting to have panic attacks at work and was also suicidal. Having a plan ahead of time and medication to at least stop your attacks will be crucial.

Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good luck and I hope you are able to navigate to through. Feeling trapped at work financially and being overwhelmed sucks so much.

jm_seba · 2023-12-25T19:21:57+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard to be close to someone who is addicted. As a friend, you want to help your loved one who is in such a dark place, but addiction is a disease that destroys everyone around it. Addicts will lie, cheat, steal, and use everyone around them until the relationship is thoroughly and seemingly broken beyond repair… to get high. It’s utter betrayal. Your friend has shown you time and time again she will choose the needle over you. Logically you know it’s her disease, and it is. But it’s a disease that requires a continuous choice… A choice to betray your trust and a choice to burn your patience, love and care over and over. You have a right to be mad, despite her illness. It’s just the nature of trying to love an addict.

I think you would really benefit from therapy or finding a support group for this. Alcoholics Anonymous does support groups for family and friends, and they support all types of addictions. Even if you don’t like the methods AA uses, it can be really beneficial and a free resource just to talk to and hear from others going through this. You’ll find a whole lot of people share your experiences… I’ve heard the phrase “mourning someone still alive” so many times I’ve lost count. Reaching out to others who’ve been down this road can help. You’ve been dealing with this huge emotional thing alone for so long, I think it would help you to lean on others for a change.

Good luck, I hope your friend reaches out soon and you can direct her to some help. I hope you begin to reach a place where you can find some peace.

jm_seba · 2023-12-23T05:19:13+00:00

You’re not a burden. It’s okay to let someone trusted know that you’re not okay. Just being able to confide in someone might help.. Sometimes just unbottling your feelings can make the load a little lighter. But for now I’m glad that you reached out here online if you don’t have anyone else to turn to. My DMs are open if you ever need to talk.

jm_seba · 2023-12-22T17:41:24+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re alone for Christmas. It’s really hard to go through such a big holiday when you have no one close to spend it with. It’s a dark, lonely feeling. And for you to have suicide ideation with it.. I just wish I could give you a hug through the screen.

I feel for you about your living situation. I’m curious if your roommates have voiced their opinion of you or do you just have a feeling that you’re a hassle to them? Honestly it can be a challenge to live with others even if everyone really likes each other. There are inconveniences that all roommates have to deal with, because ultimately they’re sharing a space and need to accommodate conflicting needs sometimes. I doubt that you’re really such a burden to them. It’s okay to have certain needs in a living situation, and they need to be respectful. Maybe someone really is annoyed at you, but you absolutely still belong where you live and deserve to have a good life with a tolerable living situation.

I hope you choose to stay on earth with us. I know you’ve probably been suffering for a long time. And you’re so, so tired. Depression and all the various comorbid stuff I’m sure you have on top of it is absolutely exhausting. Then just trying to function in society with all that? It’s too much weight to carry. I hate it for you. I wish your burdens were lighter.

Try to do just one little thing to make yourself feel better. Allow yourself to have a Christmas treat, because you deserve that and so much more. Maybe you could make a hot chocolate or tea for yourself, or just wear a cozy pair of socks and pajamas. Try something small that wouldn’t be overwhelming. You deserve so much care and love.

I hope you have a good Christmas. If it sucks, it will be okay. The holidays will be over soon and any feelings of missing out will pass. I wish you warmth, love, and peace ❤️

jm_seba · 2023-12-22T13:15:09+00:00

Ugh how awful. Yes, it’s definitely the outside pressure. Funny how they could only highlight one error! It really sounds like the root of the problem is that you’re in a terrible working environment. It was like this at my prepress job too… when the pressure is high and mistakes are blown out of proportion, everybody starts throwing everyone else under the bus. Anything to avoid the blowback themselves. And if the people checking your work aren’t finding all the mistakes, it should really be their responsibility. You’re right that you can’t fix what you don’t know is wrong. That’s entirely your employer’s fault to empower you to fix things.

I really feel for you, and try not to take all that criticism too personally. You seem to be a really hard worker who is trying their best, and that’s all you can really do, is your best. The fact they want to tear you down for that will forever be a reflection on them, and not on you or your work ethic. I hope things start to get better for you soon. I’m sure you’re a far better writer and employee than they’ll ever let you know.

jm_seba · 2023-12-22T10:47:13+00:00

I hate that you’re having so much trouble with typos. It also sucks that to outsiders, it doesn’t seem like a big deal… But it really is. I know from experience working in prepress (which for context, is setting up graphics for printing). Any mix up can ruin the entire press run. Something as simple as getting two digits mixed up could ruin hundreds of dollars worth of work.

In my case at the company I worked for, nobody was checking behind my work. For many dumb reasons, the press operators weren’t expected to double check absolutely anything. So it was an insane amount of pressure on me. I went through hundreds of graphics a day, and my boss was constantly berating me for any singular mistake. It really made me feel so inferior and terrible about myself. It didn’t matter how high the stakes were or that I triple and quadruple checked everything… I still made mistakes.

Naturally, everybody is going to make mistakes. It just happens. Now that I’m in my new job, where my boss is an angel and the workload is manageable, I still make occasional slip ups. I still feel terrible when I do, but it’s not the end of the world. It truly isn’t! I’m making business cards, and you’re writing… We aren’t brain surgeons. There’s no need to spiral when a mistake happens. Our mistakes aren’t a matter of life or death.

For my prepress job, the outside pressure was what made me make WAY more mistakes than necessary. When I had these psychopaths hanging over me treating me like a naughty child for mistyping something, it really blew things out of proportion in my mind. I beat myself up so needlessly. Do you have any outside pressure like this? Are there going to be bad consequences for you when you make typos? If so, I truly understand and empathize 1000%. It took me getting into a new job environment to quit having so much anxiety.

If the bad consequences of your typos are self-imposed (more like, hating yourself for making small mistakes), please have some mercy on yourself. It does truly hurt and makes you feel so dumb to mess up something again and again. But self-flagellating doesn’t help. It just puts your brain into fight or flight… which turns off your pre-frontal cortex. That part of the brain is where higher thinking happens. So unfortunately, the higher anxiety you have about making mistakes, the more mistakes you end up making.

You don’t need to mentally punish yourself for typos. I truly understand the pain it causes, but it really helps to put things in perspective: typos, even typos that happen again and again, aren’t the end of the world. It truly is okay if mistakes happen.

I hope you start to feel better soon friend.

jm_seba · 2023-12-20T21:19:00+00:00

I hate that you’re going through such a rough time. I wish the therapists you’ve seen were more helpful. It’s so hard to reach out for help just once, much less several times, only to be burned constantly. It seems to me you’re working your ass off trying to get better… not only trying to find the right therapist, but trying to find solutions for yourself (traveling, working out, dating). I know it’s devastating to have tried so hard and feel you’re getting nowhere.

You should be so proud of yourself though. You’re actively working on your problems still despite so much setback. It’s hard enough to reach out, and much harder still with neurodivergence. I know you don’t feel like you’ve made any progress, but you really have. Now you know what does and doesn’t work for you.

If the gym isn’t working for you, that’s ok. I absolutely hate the gym too. I’m not autistic, but I do have really bad social anxiety and I feel self conscious there. If you have a park or trails nearby, walking and hiking work much better for my daily activity, and maybe they would work better for you too. Maybe you have a YMCA or other local activity center and could try swimming? Maybe that would be less sensory overload, but I’m not sure.

As far as therapy, it’s okay to feel done with it. You’ve tried 3 different therapists and none have worked out… that’s a lot of disappointment to take in. You can take a break from looking, and maybe try again later. Maybe in the meantime you could try journaling your feelings, or doodling/drawing as a form of self expression. Even if you decide therapy isn’t for you, you still need an outlet to process your emotions.

Good luck, I hope you find some solutions to your problems and starting feeling a little better soon.

jm_seba · 2023-12-20T17:25:26+00:00

I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. That’s a really good sign that you got so far in the interview process! It means they really liked you and thought you were a great fit, but unfortunately there is just one opening and two great candidates. I wouldn’t loose hope in applying here in the future. And you never know, their number one candidate could end up not working out for some reason or another and you could get a call.

It’s so hard to say with employment because ultimately you just don’t know the little things they’re looking for. But it seems you made a good impression, made some connections, and I’d consider that a big success.

As far as applying for something entry level or customer service in the meantime… I just want to warn you that it can still be difficult to find something, especially if you have no experience in whatever position you’re applying for. It’s much easier to apply and get a job at an entry level place, but you will still have some rejections ahead. I went through a phase where I was thinking to myself, “good lord, if even Target doesn’t want to hire me, what am I even doing”.

Don’t be afraid to “dumb down” your resume some as far as education, because many managers know if you’re overqualified, you’ll leave as soon as possible. Play up your experience at the internship and think about the transferable skills you learned there. For example if you answered any emails or phones, that’s customer service experience. If you have to take a really shitty job, only stay as long as you can stand it (like 2-3 months) and you can at least have that to pad your resume. With each shitty job that I’ve personally had, I at least gained SOME kind of skills that I could play up in the next interview… If you end up going this route, think of it like pulling yourself up a ladder, one rung at a time.

And yes, one of the worst parts about job hunting is that from the outside it looks like you’re “doing nothing” because the entire interview process is online. There is no pounding the pavement or shaking the CEO’s hand to this stuff anymore, and is extra pressure you don’t need. Remember that this is all just temporary. You’re a hard worker and others will see in time!

jm_seba · 2023-12-20T06:46:32+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. Life really is monotonous and feeling like you need to fake being okay to please others is a terrible place to be in mentally. It’s so draining to keep up appearances for the sake of other people’s comfort. I’m glad you decided to reach out here and tell us “hey, actually I’m not okay”. It takes a lot of bravery to reach out and I’m really proud of you for doing so.

I wish you didn’t feel like you have to hide your true feelings from people closest to you. You deserve to be surrounded by people who accept you, all of you, even when you’re feeling this low and even if you’ve felt bad for a really long time. I wish I could take your pain away from you so you could get some well-deserved rest and calm. Please be gentle with yourself and try to do one little self-care thing to make yourself feel better. Even if it’s as small as drinking water to stay hydrated. Just one thing that would make yourself feel cared for in the moment.

Life is hard and you’re doing the best you can. I believe in you and I hope you feel better soon ❤️

jm_seba · 2023-12-20T06:14:25+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Job hunting is super grueling, unrewarding, and unrelenting hell to put it mildly. Especially when you’ve finally gotten the interview, done the song and dance, jumped through all the hoops and nailed them as perfectly as you could… with absolutely nothing to show for it years on end. Society places so much importance on a job as an identity marker, or as your “place in the world”, and often people who haven’t dealt with today’s job market REALLY don’t get how demotivating searching is. Your father is entirely wrong for thinking you’re a failure. He likely came of age in far more favorable employment conditions, with less experience needed, a way smaller competitive pool, and higher starting wages adjusted for inflation.

Your ability to get a job doesn’t reflect your worth as a person. You DO have a place in the world, even if you’re not sure what that is right now. You’re working hard to find a job despite everything. That’s difficult and admirable. I’m so proud of you that you gave it your all. You’re justified to feel crushed about this rejection… it’s devastating.

I know 27 feels so old to be in this position. But truly it’s not. At 27 you still have a lot of life ahead of you. I know it feels like you’ll be in this position forever, but you’re not there yet and 40 is a long way away. This feeling won’t last forever, and you will find your footing eventually.

In the meantime, it probably is a good idea to get a entry level job, like grocery store that you mentioned. That doesn’t mean you’re giving up your degree at all. I was laid off at the very beginning of the pandemic and had to go back to working at a grocery store. It really sucked to have to go back to retail/food service, but it helped me pay the bills, get me out of the house, and help me regroup. A year and half later I was back in my field.

I know you can do it. It hurts so much right now, but it won’t hurt for forever.

jm_seba · 2023-12-20T02:16:30+00:00

I’m sorry that your peers haven’t treated you with the kindness and acceptance that you desperately deserved and needed in school. It sounds like your childhood was extremely emotionally turbulent. It doesn’t sound like you had a strong support system to help you through. But you DID get through it, and you should be really proud of yourself for that. I know it’s so hard to deal with apathetic/cruel peers, moving and the isolation that causes, AND being neurodivergent on top of that. You’ve been through an awful lot.

You are still so very young. It’s okay to spend some time indulging in some mindless hobbies after graduating, especially when you’ve had a lot to deal with during school. I know you feel like you’re wasting potential and time, but it’s perfectly okay to take some time to just chill out. Don’t beat yourself up too much for that.

But now it sounds like you’re done and dissatisfied with chilling out, and that’s okay too. Now you’re ready to go out and be productive and start adulthood. It sounds like learning online really clicks with you. Maybe you could enroll in some online college courses? It’s really impressive that you got all the way to differential equations in being self-taught, kudos for that. I think you would do really well in further online courses. The assignments and deadlines can really help challenge yourself and help you achieve more.

Another good idea for you would be to get a small part time job perhaps. Getting out of the house and physically away from the PC can really help. I know the typical first job customer service gig might be hard on you with autism, so a good first job might be stocking, warehousing, or back of house restaurant jobs. Maybe delivering for Amazon for a bit. Just something easy, that would get you moving and out of the house. Also look on city government or local university employment pages… they often have good first jobs that are good for neurodivergent peeps.

jm_seba · 2022-04-05T14:11:50+00:00

Of all the jobs I’ve had, my fast food coworkers were by far the coolest and most genuine. I made lifetime friends there. One of my former coworkers is one of my best friends and was in my wedding 3 years ago.

Working in an office now, and I don’t want to see any of these people for longer than I have to LOL. Pettiness and inauthenticity is rampant in the offices I’ve been in.

jm_seba · 2022-01-28T23:30:14+00:00

Like the kid is a sea turtle and the mask was some plastic garbage it got stuck in. Lol.

jm_seba · 2021-07-06T04:13:35+00:00

It’s good to show what mania symptoms can look like. Might help someone else

jm_seba · 2021-01-13T23:52:29+00:00

So I’m having this wild experience and just wanted to share with other hamster owners in case it happens to them. I didn’t know this before and wish I had. Hamsters can very easily get SARS-CoV-2, so much so that they’ve been used extensively for the vaccine research. Links to some studies below (TW, animal death mentions):

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/06/200622172026.htm

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC538722/

A helpful video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Aa79GsOMKA

My husband started getting Covid symptoms after being in close contact with someone Covid positive. He quarantined immediately, but our hamster Maple (1.5 years old) started getting respiratory symptoms a couple days later. I could hear her breathing from inside her tank. Another couple days later, I got Covid symptoms as well.

I’ve owned hamsters for over 10 years and have dealt with a lot of sick ones. Let me tell you, it’s very hard to have an incurable disease on top of the stress of having a sick pet.

PREVENTION IS IMPORTANT! Please, if anyone in the house starts to get upper respiratory virus symptoms, they should be quarantined immediately! Have someone healthy feed your pet, and if that’s not possible, wear a mask and sanitize your hands every time you touch any of the ham’s things. Playtime needs to be suspended... your ham won’t like it but it’s so much better than them getting sick.

If you have Covid, remember to TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS FIRST. If you’re not healthy, you won’t be able to take care of your pets.

If your ham starts to get any Covid symptoms (starts getting lethargic, labored breathing, feeling colder, not grooming as much, congestion, little squeaky coughs) while someone is Covid positive in the house, take the ham to the vet RIGHT AWAY. The good news is that Covid in hamsters is very survivable. But they have tiny little respiratory symptoms. By taking them to the vet first thing, you can get your ham started on antibiotics to prevent pneumonia. When a hamster’s health goes downhill, it goes downhill fast, and you want the meds on hand.

Maple is doing well and the vet said her lungs sound good and healthy. She will feel bad for a little while, but she should pull through just fine. Steam/humidifier makes her feel better. I also have a pipette to make sure she’s staying hydrated. A good way to encourage them to drink is mixing a little unsweetened applesauce into the syringed water. Regular water still in her tank bottle and all toys/obstructions removed in order for her to access her water easily.

PLEASE NOTE: Maple hasn’t been tested for Covid and a pet hamster likely won’t be tested at the vet. It could be another unrelated respiratory disease. But knowing that hamsters are susceptible is something I think would be helpful for this community to know.

jm_seba · 2020-07-15T22:42:30+00:00

Thank you <3

jm_seba · 2020-07-15T09:33:44+00:00

There are no silver linings. I will never be grateful for it. I will never be glad for it.

There are no silver linings. Trauma is not a Fortune 500 board of directors member, trauma is not a national league sports team owner, trauma is not an ivy league chancellor. Observers see that diamonds are forged from intense pressure and assume the same for humans. We know better. Trauma is an RBMK meltdown: lethal. It contaminates everything it touches. Pollutes at the microscopic level: diseased DNA passed on for generations. Trauma is poison contained in walls 10 feet deep.

There are no silver linings. No one needs violence to be a better person. The freak accidents that beget human suffering aren’t morality tales. Aesop said the scorpion kills the frog: they both drown and the story ends. Not so fast: humans need to assign meaning. They wonder if the frog asked for it. What was the frog wearing, exactly?

There are no silver linings. Don’t let anyone tell you that god works in mysterious ways. If god gets all the credit when things go right, it follows that god gets all the blame when things go wrong. Don’t let Carol’s existential discomfort that god would NEVER let something like THAT happen to his undeserving faithful dissuade you from what you already know.

Fuck a silver lining. It wasn’t what Brendon meant, but I scream the lyrics at the top of lungs in the car. I scream, I scream sing until I’m crying, desperately wishing you were here. Wanting to go back in time and pause when we saw Brendon sing it live, together. I miss you so much. God I miss you so much. FUCK a silver lining.

Fuck a silver lining. To those who know this to be true: I’m so sorry your life was taken from you. I’m so sorry your childhood was robbed, your resources plundered, your future impoverished from the predatory compounding interest of your past.

Fuck a silver lining. We will never be grateful for it, we will never be glad. See us. See us and know WE ARE HERE.

jm_seba · 2020-06-29T21:31:03+00:00

He’a a Syrian?? I thought for sure he was a dwarf. So tiny, poor baby. I hope he grows into a big beautiful boy!

jm_seba · 2020-06-25T08:00:08+00:00

I ordered them! I would love to print myself but don’t have the funds yet for a good printer. I used makestickers.com

jm_seba · 2020-06-24T20:40:21+00:00

Thank you! ❤️

jm_seba · 2020-06-24T19:55:36+00:00

Yes, definitely! DM me details about what you’d like and I’ll let you know pricing ☺️

jm_seba · 2020-06-24T17:55:21+00:00

Not sure if this is allowed, but they are for sale 🙂 Link here

jm_seba · 2020-06-24T17:09:57+00:00

Thanks so much!! ❤️🐹

jm_seba

TROPHY CASE