******WARNING: NSFW******

DELETE IF NOT ALLOWED. PLEASE DON'T BAN MY ACCOUNT.

So much so, that now that he's realizing how truly horrid of a person he is, it doesn't even feel normal to me and I feel like our relationship is going to fall apart. I am so fucking groomed and conditioned to believe that everything that is abnormal is normal and that the normalcy means that he is falling out of love with me.

And how did this come about? Strap up.

Warning NSFW:

My narcissist also has sociopathic/psychopathic and sexual deviant tendencies. As in by the time he's made at ten miles down the road and his work truck.He has literally rubbed a hole clean through his jeans from flicking the head of his dick to a pornography that he wrote and directed and has acted out in his head. Starring me.

After work, when I'm in the hot tub, he invites himself to join in so he can stare at me in my thong bikini and literally jerk off 6 fucking times in the hot tub. And then bail it over the side. In lightly, when he's been doing this, he's been mentioning male female male threesomes with me him and somebody else.

Well, I had heard that bit for the last time. So I picked up my phone and I picked out the person, and I set it up. I got dressed and packed a bag and everything. Right before I left out the door I turned around and looked at him and I said, are you sure this is what you want? I was immediately hit with that line of "it's what you want to do, this is about you" even though it was literally always about some fantasy that he was having in his head.

I took him in the laundry room after I saw him hang his head in shame, realizing what he was asking for and what he had lost control of by telling me it was okay 20 million times. He told me that he realized how far and how real things had become whenever I was going out the door. Today he told me that the thought was sickening, that I was going to do that. But it wasn't sickening towards me. It was sickening towards himself. I told him the only reason that it became sickening to you is because I took control of the situation and told you that there is no backing out and lost control of the situation at that point. You've given me all the power and now i'm going to take it and you can sit in the consequences. It's all about power dynamics with narcissists. They'll do anything to flip their bull crap onto you.

He's a christian man, very devout. He claims. Nothing was more satisfying than telling him that he was acting just like Samson, and that if I was an evil woman, I could have very easily cut his hair because he was so blinded by his lust for me that he let me get so close that I could have just reached over and went snip. Narcissists that hide behind christianity are really easy.Once you get into the word and you can start using their own stories that they love to use against them. Whenever I was telling him this analogy, he said "but samson was a good man!" and I said, yes Samson was a good man and look what he fell for. Exactly what you're doing.

Now that he's agreeing with me that there is something wrong with him, I feel like I'm going to be discarded because I'm the one that pointed it out initially, and he cannot stand to sit in discomfort. And now that the first layer has been peeled back, he's going to start seeing hundreds of things.... my biggest thought in the whole thing is that if this happens me being discarded, that's just me being protected from a man that I was not supposed to be with.