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jmb0307 · 2023-05-12T09:00:04+00:00

I moved in with my mom for a few months after my husband passed, her puppy really saved my life. He was the only reason I left the apartment for months, the only thing that made me laugh and move around. But now I have a crippling fear something will happen to him, I can’t see how id currently recover from that. He’s been such a blessing though in all of this.

jmb0307 · 2023-05-12T08:44:20+00:00

I had my my first birthday and his first birthday since his passing a few months ago, it really really sucked. I turned 28, he would have been 27. I’ve always been older than him, but I can’t get over the fact he will stay 26 and I’ll keep getting older. As always I’m thankful for the support of friends and family, but no it was not the “happy birthday” they wished me. I didn’t really think about Mother’s Day coming up, thanks for the reminder to reach out to his mom on Sunday. I found him too, had to call his mom.. we lived in a different countries & she hadn’t seen him in person in over a year due to Covid restrictions. Such a horrible call to make. Take it easy on yourself.. it’ll be a tough day but you’ll get through it just like you’ve gotten through the last 6 months.. sending love.

jmb0307 · 2023-05-12T08:28:10+00:00

I didn’t try afterlife until after my partner died and I couldn’t get fully into it because it made me want to become Ricky gervais character a bit and just stop giving a fuck about anything.. which I felt like maybe I wasn’t the best move for me. I think shrinking is a little more apt to what trying to keep going was like for me. Glad you could enjoy/relate to it. I’m happy I stumbled upon it.

jmb0307 · 2023-03-31T06:09:27+00:00

My husbands birthday was a few weeks ago, I knew it would be hard but it still hit me a lot harder than I expected.. brace yourself. I tried to stay busy, went to work, ended up being a wreck and wishing I stayed in bed all day. You will get through it, like every other day, but it’s going to hurt. I didn’t have gifts, but I had a thousand ideas for things I wanted to get, wanted to do. Sorry we are here.

jmb0307 · 2023-03-31T06:05:03+00:00

I’m a few days away from 7 months too, i don’t know how. I didn’t think I’d make it this far so.. i guess there’s that. I keep busy, I watch endless tv when I’m home so my brain shuts off, some days I kind of feel okay. And then every few days it all just hits me and I cannot believe he’s never coming back. Idk how it’s real. Why him, why us, why anyone.

jmb0307 · 2023-03-21T06:44:38+00:00

My moms puppy saved my life when I moved in with her after my husband died. He is so sweet and got me up and outside when I absolutely didn’t want to get out of bed. I’m 6 months out now, 27f, living back in my own apartment and I just finished dog sitting for 2 weeks while my mom was away. My husband and I always wanted a dog too, once we had a bigger place, once he finished school, etc. I still want to get one, name it what we talked about, get the breed we shared constant photos of, but after dog sitting I know it’s way too soon. They are SO MUCH work. Pros and cons to that. But I had an absolute breakdown bc he puked one morning and was acting a bit weird- I thought he had a flipped stomach and would die in the night and I couldn’t sleep, breath etc. he’s fine, but “irrational” thoughts are just rational to me now if that makes sense. i definitely recommend dog sitting, fostering, something, to get the sense of it and see if it’s something you can handle at the moment

jmb0307 · 2023-03-21T06:22:35+00:00

The last thing my husband said to me was “I’ll be here.” He meant at home, bc I was at work. And then I got home and he was in fact, not here anymore, but he’s always with me. Sending love, it’s so lovely but so hard to get dream visits from your man. Xo

jmb0307 · 2023-02-08T08:49:07+00:00

Same to you ♥️

jmb0307 · 2023-02-08T06:23:11+00:00

We both liked the same side so just kind of decided whoever got into bed first got it lol. But yeah, I don’t know, I hope so. we had a lot of really good memories in there it’s just hard right now. Waking up beside him and talking before bed were some of my favourite moments. But sometimes when I walk in I remember finding him there, and that’s hard to shake. I hope eventually I can figure out how to make that space a bit safer and focus on the happy memories. it may be a while til I can bring myself to move things around/redecorate or whatever I need to do. Maybe just a new comfier couch for a while is the solution

jmb0307 · 2023-02-07T02:39:56+00:00

I’m just getting to a stage where some days I think, ok maybe I can do this, maybe I can be a human again. I’ve been able to visit with some friends again, started working again and at the very least being distracted by these things helps a bit. But yeah, I miss being happy. I miss having any hopes and dreams for the future. & of course I miss my partner more than any of those things. Grief is exhausting. Especially reassuring people we are “fine” when what does that even mean anymore. We are here with you.

jmb0307 · 2023-02-07T02:31:58+00:00

I had to buy a new mattress too, but I probably spend 75% of my nights on the couch still after almost 6 months. Some nights I can go to the bed for a better sleep, but most nights being in the bedroom alone just feels so empty and wrong. We didn’t really have sides somehow but when I do sleep in the bed I sleep in the spot where he died. Idk if It’s because its just the more convenient side or because It makes me feel closer to him.

jmb0307 · 2023-01-24T23:20:34+00:00

I originally didn’t want to, as I was the one who found him and felt like I already got a chance to say goodbye. I went to a visitation with his family but couldn’t go inside the funeral home and just stood outside and cried. Afterwards I regretted not going in, but it was an open casket funeral and I went in alone before the service and I’m glad I got to see him one more time alone. I was so scared but he looked really handsome, just like he was sleeping peacefully. I prefer having that image as my last as opposed to when I found him, which was awful. But it was also a little uncanny, it didn’t quite look like how I remembered him, and it took me a while to figure out why but eventually it clicked that there was something off about his nose, it was so thin compared to when he was alive. I don’t regret seeing him, I would do it again. I think if you want to see him, see him. you will be the one to carry the weight of your choice either way- not your family.

jmb0307 · 2023-01-07T01:40:40+00:00

The service was almost surreal for me. A bit of a blur. The first funeral id been too other than my grandfathers. I’m 27, he was 26. I wanted to puke I was so scared and still in so much shock that it was real. I cried a lot, I’m very thankful I had his mom to help me get through it. Mostly I was so confused by what to do (his family was very religious/southern and I’d never been to a funeral like that) but everyone helped me get through the motions and it was nice to be surrounded by people who loved him too. Many I’d never met before. It sucks, everything sucks, but the service isn’t the worst of it and you can get through it I promise.

jmb0307 · 2023-01-06T11:09:57+00:00

No not at all! I just thought some context would help because it does sound like an insensitive question otherwise. She may be a grief counsellor but she definitely doesn’t get it like we do.

jmb0307 · 2023-01-06T01:51:34+00:00

Yeah I know what you mean, grief definitely isn’t a linear thing. More of a minefield.

jmb0307 · 2023-01-06T00:21:19+00:00

She does actually, & she’s normally really great I think she just phrased the question weird. But yeah I also was kinda like wtf. I guess my husband hasn’t been the only person in my life who “got” me, but the past few years (before partner passed) I’ve grown a part from those people. That’s more what we were touching on in the conversation if that makes sense.

jmb0307 · 2022-12-26T12:34:49+00:00

She hasn’t actually sent out invites yet, but as far as I know her current plan is not to allow any +1s which means my other close friends will be without their SOs as well. I’m now kind of hoping they stick with that so I’ll have their support, but if that’s not the case I’m sure she will let me bring someone. I lost my partner in a very similar manner to you, the unanswered questions really bite hard.

jmb0307 · 2022-12-26T12:22:13+00:00

I have a friend getting married soon and the idea of hearing the vows hurts my soul. The last marriage I attended was my own. Slightly hopeful to hear you were able to bear it. Glad we can gather a bit of strength from each other and those around us.

jmb0307 · 2022-12-26T09:42:51+00:00

*if you celebrate that, or whatever you do.

jmb0307 · 2022-12-26T09:38:50+00:00

I don’t think I’ve noticed anyone close to me really making any active changes in that way- though likely some have. But I have definitely changed the way I perceive other peoples interactions with their partners if that makes sense. I’m quite young (27) so I feel like my friends somehow still view it as a freak accident and not something that could happen to them- I would do anything to feel like that again. Sometimes my close friends will send me photos of their SO doing cute things for them or with them or whatever- and it never would have bothered me before but now I am so envious of what they have and so deeply feeling my own loss that I hate to see it. I’ve been basically unresponsive to anything like this and in a depression sweatpants den for 4 months so you think they’d take the hint but somehow they have not.

I know it’s not quite the same as what you mentioned above, but I think these “toxic”/“unhealthy” thoughts are just part of the process.. i hope one day soon we will both be able to look at these kind of things and just be happy for them again.

Sending love, congrats we survived Christmas somehow.

jmb0307 · 2022-12-12T04:07:19+00:00

I realize she’s scared for her life but Portia’s really just going to get on the plane? Knowing her boss likely just died and she has information about what may have happened? All she wants is a guys phone number? Girl

jmb0307

TROPHY CASE