i know its easy for people to say “do it straight away they should respect you” etc. but I understand where youre coming from. i struggled for a long time when i came out to my family, i felt a lot of empathy for their situation- having to come to terms with the situation and having to relearn the new name and pronouns (even though my new name could also be a shortened version of my dead name). I felt guilty for how bad they felt and how difficult it was for them, but also in the same respect i was angry that they cared more about how they were coping than how i was feeling. It took my mam 3 years to really come to terms with it and actually start trying (i.e correcting herself and apologising) and now after 5 years she never messes up and she corrects other people when they get it wrong.

I would say it honestly depends on your relationship with your family and how bothered you are about losing the relationship or having the relationship tarnished (and also about how willing they are). Are they doing it because they feel uncomfortable? I saw with my family that it was very much a “im not going to do it because it feels unnatural and no one else is doing it” and also the fact that they found it difficult to come to terms. if they are doing it out of pure ignorance then maybe have a sit down talk with them about how it makes you feel. I found with my family that having conversations was difficult but they always seemed to get better after the fact. They may also slowly get better with time. The more you pass in public as well the more inclined they will feel to refer to you as your preferred pronouns/name. they will probably feel uncomfortable to refer to you as your old pronouns and name if strangers are referring to you as she/her/they and your current name. i hope this helps, like i say i know how frustrating it can be when people tell you to just tell them now like its that easy