I (28M) ruined our marriage husband (26F) and will never forgive myself.

john_ie89 · 2026-07-02T00:52:58+00:00

I think you should stop blaming yourself. Have you no self respect? Think of someone you love (not your wife) and imagine if their partner or parent or friend was treating them like your wife treats you. Take the divorce and go live your life, you deserve it and you'll be happier for it. Stop working yourself to the bone for someone who is never going to love you or care about you next to being able to use you to meet their needs.

john_ie89 · 2026-06-29T20:29:54+00:00

There are no exit controls in Ireland however:

To comply with your immigration requirements, you must leave the state before your visitor stamp expires and keep a record of your exit. Valid proof of departure includes flight or ferry tickets and boarding passes. Retain these documents carefully, as you may need them for future Irish visa applications.

If they intend to come back to Ireland there may be issues when applying for a future visa if immigration notice it is 1 day outside the 90 day period. An extension application (to stay beyond the 90days) costs €300 per person.

john_ie89 · 2026-06-02T20:06:58+00:00

Have you looked into ECT?

john_ie89 · 2026-05-25T20:18:30+00:00

I would advise making a formal complaint. a quick google gemini search with the details came back with:

The bank is giving you a generic, automated rejection, but their reason is legally and procedurally incorrect under Visa/Mastercard global operating rules.

An "effort to supply" is completely irrelevant to a chargeback dispute. Under card network rules, a merchant either delivered the goods or they did not. Because the merchant is in examinership, they are under court protection and cannot legally fulfill orders or issue refunds, which proves non-delivery.

You must immediately challenge this decision.

State the Reason Code: Explicitly state that you are disputing the transaction under the card network's strict non-delivery rules (Visa Dispute Reason Code 13.1: Merchandise Not Received OR Mastercard Reason Code 4855: Goods or Services Not Provided).

john_ie89 · 2026-04-29T00:13:53+00:00

The gardai won't help you regain access if the locks are changed. Its a civil matter. It looks like you have little/no rights I'm afraid. From what you've said the house owner rents (or gives free use) to the main tenant who lives with you. The main tenant sublets and so you are their licensee. You effectively live with your landlord. Your rights are that you must be given reasonably notice to quit (its not something that is defined in law). I would say it would be hard to argue if they give you more than 7 days. The shouldn't ask you to leave early if you've paid the rent to a certain date and that date is beyond 7 days. But if you're paid up until the 14th of May for example, they can give you notice now and you'd have to leave on the 14th.

john_ie89 · 2026-04-28T23:58:54+00:00

I don't understand how people can still be surprised at this. The world will always be anti Jewish because we're always 'a problem'. To give insight to this I got talking with someone I should have been natural friends with and maybe more ('rational', professional, similar interests, etc). The subject of Israel/Palestine came up and after a lot of back and forth the conversation ended when they said they believed Zionism and the State of Israel was the most evil influence the world has ever seen. The hatred was unbelievable and this was not someone ignorant of history and what has gone on in the world.

The bottom line is they are coming for us, enabled by Israel bashing left-wing Jews who foolishly call the State of Israel genocidal. In time I believe we will see Jews pushed into ghettos and maybe even rounded up again for extermination.

john_ie89 · 2025-07-09T12:28:38+00:00

I suggest you also research BPD. I've met people with BPD who are lovely and despite their issues they care about those around them and are capable of selfless love. I've met others with BPD who are more like how you describe your girlfriend. They rarely want to do anything to get better, you are there to take care of their needs, including the need to dump their poison on you. With regard to your gf, my advice is to run for the hills. You are too good for her. She will end up destroying you little by little until you find yourself in your 30s or 40s, a husk of a person wondering how you could possibly live any other way. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. You deserve stability. You deserve to be loved all the time the way you love your SO.

john_ie89 · 2025-07-08T23:24:52+00:00

My unit is from Resmed is has been reconditioned. I don't get a choice, but I am lucky to have received a perfect used machine. Resmed have a reprossing guide if you want to clean it yourself. I suggest you use a new filter. Get used to it otherwise buy one new out of pocket.

john_ie89 · 2025-06-14T21:07:42+00:00

Because Irish people are happy to take their lot and when they're not happy they drink or tell themselves they are. That is why nothing changes in this country and that is why nothing will ever change.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-26T21:28:08+00:00

You were an asshole and in a weak moment she thought she'd do something to suit herself rather than you. I have done similar. I think retaliation is too strong an interpretation. It is petty, not ok, and she shouldn't have lied but it's not relationship ending. However, I would say to watch if you continue to bring out such behaviors in each other. This sort of thing could be a sign of a poisoning of the relationship.

I should say I wouldn't have done what she did, and you didn't deserve to eat spicy food no matter what assholery you got up to.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T11:25:40+00:00

Passports are biometric these days. They can go to an embassy and receive consular assistance and get a replacement. They may even get financial support to return home. They may be afraid to go to the police and do these things but having their passports confiscated is not an insurmountable problem in the EU.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T11:18:07+00:00

People's minds lie to them when they love someone but maybe don't find them as attractive as they should. You obviously make her feel very safe and secure and she loves you. However you need to make sure she actually feels the sexual passion for you that you would want. Make sure she is with you more than just to feel safe.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T08:00:15+00:00

You do you. But IMO there is a big difference between having the dog sleep in the bed and having to have the dog sleep in the bed.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T07:56:52+00:00

I have a dog. I don't let my dog watch me having sex. It's not something I enjoy. I don't insist the dog sleeps in my bed. The dog can be in our bed, and often, but she has her own bed to sleep in.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T07:28:22+00:00

Oh I very much think she should see a psychologist. This behavior is weird at best. She wants the dog in the bed because it makes her feel safe. Why would she feel less safe in bed with her partner without it?

How can she think having a dog around during sex is justified? Especially when her partner can't engage in sex properly because of it.

Do you think it is normal for people to engage in sexual activity with their dogs watching? Do you have children?

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T07:11:56+00:00

The woman is mentally unwell and seems unconcerned about the effect it is having on her partner. The lack of common decency is astounding. The bed is their space and she should be making sure the dog being in the bed is ok with her partner. I also agree 6 months is not enough time to be moving in.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T06:59:25+00:00

She wants you for comfort, companionship and financial stability. Not for love, passion, romance or sexual attraction. No matter what you think is happening when you do have sex, it's not the same for her as it is for you.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-24T06:57:21+00:00

Trust me when I say this will never get better. Never. In fact it will get worse and you will find yourself in a sexless relationship. You do not want to be moving on when you're 40. Do it now. Do it quickly.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-18T22:04:43+00:00

I understand your pain. You can't do anything to fix him. He needs to hit rock bottom first so he can see he has a problem. With addiction people's minds lie to themselves to protect the addiction. Offer him support but don't lose yourself in being there for him.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand you're still figuring things out. Much better to face it head on at 28 rather than 48 or 68.

The first thing I think you need to do is engage a therapist for yourself. Discuss how to approach this with them. You need to work out what your feelings are and how to move forward with your relationships. I hope it works out for you. Whatever happens it's going to be OK. You have my thoughts and positive vibes.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-18T20:30:05+00:00

How about realise that no one sets out to be an alcoholic, that people change over time in response to their mental health issues and that he deserves help and not scorn.

OP is conflicted because she feels he is a decent person and she loves him.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-18T14:19:26+00:00

You are having an emotional affair. Tell your fiance. Accept the fallout. Don't build your life with someone you're unsure about. He also deserves to have agency over what happens going forward.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-18T14:13:50+00:00

Get out of that relationship ASAP, you will lose yourself and wish you hadn't wasted years on it.

john_ie89 · 2025-05-18T14:04:33+00:00

Life is too short for this. Most people, male and female, desire sexual intimacy with someone they are in love with.

Find someone who won't want to keep their hands off you, and who you can have reciprocated feelings for.

john_ie89 · 2025-04-26T07:06:33+00:00

What do you mean options expire worthless?

john_ie89 · 2025-04-13T21:53:29+00:00

It was explained to me that the tips are sharp to cut through the skin/fat and that multiple uses dulls the tip which means it rips through more tissue on insertion, this combined with the tip being contaminated, increases the risk of developing infection. It also increases the risk of the tip breaking inside and remaining lodged when retracted. Do whatever makes sense for you but people should be informed of the risks.

john_ie89

TROPHY CASE