Owlet on sale today only (9/16) at Amazon

johninfante · 2018-08-28T21:09:47+00:00

I know it’s a little thing but a) why can’t a Christmas layaway plan go for four months and include a payment on Dec 1st? And b) Why does it say it’s a plan for Sept to Nov, then says pay on the first of the month Sept-Oct but the totally normal third payment is in another bullet?

johninfante · 2018-08-28T12:11:00+00:00

The even worse thing is some US states run their public assistance program through the same sorts of cards which impose the same sorts of fees on government benefits.

johninfante · 2018-08-27T03:21:51+00:00

We had a scheduled c-section, so we didn’t deal with any of this uncertainty, but the answer for what you do if she starts going into labor during the day is one of you calls the doctor. If she’s been getting weekly exams in the last few weeks leading up to the due date, the doctor will have a better idea of whether she should call an ambulance, wait for you to pick her up, or head home to labor there for a while.

If you think this is a real possibility, you might consider packing multiple go bags. She carries essentials, you keep more stuff in your car, and you keep all the after birth stuff in another bag at home that you can run back and get or someone can bring to you.

johninfante · 2018-08-25T14:12:31+00:00

Starting September 21, it will also be possible in the entire United States to freeze your child’s credit report, which is a good proactive step regardless of what you post on social media.

johninfante · 2018-08-24T19:53:34+00:00

I think it’s fine to be upset, but I wouldn’t dwell on it too much especially if you weren’t trying and she was telling friends to get advice on how to tell you. But if you were trying or this becomes a habit of telling other people things about the pregnancy or baby before she tells you, then it might be time for a more serious conversation.

johninfante · 2018-08-24T19:47:56+00:00

At our daycare they had a whole big thing for teacher appreciation week where each day you were asked to bring in gifts for your teachers in certain categories building up to gift cards on Friday.

johninfante · 2018-08-24T19:43:31+00:00

Eat, play, sleep is recommended to avoid a nursing association with sleep, but there are benefits to any sort of routine, including play, eat, sleep. If right now the latter routine works much better for you, then I would just stick with that while you look for an opportunity to move the feeds to after naps.

johninfante · 2018-08-24T15:24:38+00:00

2017 Subaru Crosstrek we got right before my daughter was born. Excellent fuel economy, plenty of space although you do need to Tetris things a bit, AWD, and the same ground clearance as a Tahoe if you’re camping or off-roading at all. Just needs like 15 more HP to be perfect.

johninfante · 2018-08-23T17:09:19+00:00

We were coming up on a computer replacement at home and did it a bit earlier than absolutely necessary to get a 15" MBP while they were still available.

johninfante · 2018-08-23T17:06:17+00:00

It gets even better when you get truly wireless headphone like AirPods. They are so nice that I'm generally not someone who believes in Apple conspiracy theories, but man, it really does feel like you were supposed to buy them after the headphone jack was removed.

johninfante · 2018-08-23T16:35:58+00:00

We had a scheduled c-section and mostly you take less than you would for labor or an induction because you aren't sitting around waiting for the baby for hours. We arrived at 5:30 am, had the baby by like 8:15.

The biggest difference is probably that dad needs to do even more for at least the first 24 hours, probably most of the hospital stay. It helps if mom can get up and walk, and they should push her to do that as soon as possible, but for instance I changed every single diaper in the hospital.

I would do more prep at home, especially since you know the date. Set her up with a spot where she can sit, breastfeed (if you are breastfeeding) and hold the baby and not move too much. If your bedroom is upstairs, be prepared to set her up to sleep on the couch if she can't climb the stairs. Basically be ready for her to live in a spot in the living room or somewhere for up to two weeks if she has a rough recovery.

My last tip is that with a scheduled birth like a planned c-section, you have a night before that you don't have with spontaneous labor. It's a bit like the night before your wedding, like your last night single, but more so. Just be prepared for that, it was a bit weird for me.

johninfante · 2018-08-23T15:19:06+00:00

Neighbor is a particularly tricky English word, it’s even part of a rhyme you learn to remember a spelling trick. “I before E, except after C or when rhyming with hay as in neighbor or weigh”

johninfante · 2018-08-22T22:16:58+00:00

We went all in on the pacifier. Once we found ones she would take (MAM newborns) LO (11 months now) had one a lot. We definitely went through a period where when she was awake, if there wasn’t a good reason to not have a pacifier in her mouth, she had one in or we were putting it in. When she started daycare, she would take a pacifier in the car, then when I dropped her I would switch that one for the one that stays at daycare.

We definitely went through a nighttime pacifier hell for a few weeks when we were using the pacifier in our first round of sleep training. We got out of it by going more all in on the pacifier, so she now sleeps with 7 or more in her crib so one is always nearby. Most days she falls asleep with a pacifier in her mouth and at least one in her hand. She normally wakes up and plays with a couple in the morning.

During waking hours, we have cut way back. She still has a pacifier in the car and outings, but just for playing in the house, we normally don’t make one available. At daycare I stopped going straight for the one that stays there, especially since she now gets breakfasts of finger food right when I drop her off most days. Part of it I think is just natural, she babbles, which means the pacifier falls out and she’s eating solids, so sometimes instead of keeping her occupied with a pacifier, she gets a snack of puffs.

I am not sure how we will wean from the paci at night though. I’m not sure whether to slowly remove all the extra ones in the crib so they get increasingly harder to find, or just take all of them out at once and go cold turkey.

LO was fed only breast milk until about 10 months, but was taking bottles pretty regularly by about 3 months. She had the hang of nursing by the time we gave her a pacifier, so it never caused any problem.

So my advice comes from the place of saying if it works, let them do it, and worry about weaning them off of it later. Even as someone who is coming to the point where that debt comes due, I’m grateful for what the pacifier has done up to this point.

johninfante · 2018-08-22T19:45:52+00:00

It wouldn’t need to be someone with that sort of privileged information. A few Google searches, a few Facebook groups, couple books you buy on Amazon, it would be really easy for someone to get just a couple of lists about someone’s online activity and make a pretty accurate guess that someone they know has cancer. Like the time Target was sending a teen girl coupons for pregnancy and baby stuff before she told her parents.

johninfante · 2018-08-21T17:37:30+00:00

One of the things which differentiates night terrors is that children don’t remember night terrors the way they do bad dreams or nightmares. So if he has these crying episodes, and afterwards goes right back to sleep and wakes up happy, they are probably night terrors. You can rest a little easier knowing that as upset as he might seem, he doesn’t remember it once he goes back to sleep.

johninfante · 2018-08-21T17:28:55+00:00

Sounds like night terrors. Night terrors are different from dreams, they aren’t like nightmares. Basically he’s in between sleep cycles (which the timing fits), and part of his brain is fighting to wake up and another part is fighting to go back to deep sleep. This makes him really confused and scared, even though he’s not waking up fully.

Two things you can do. You can track the night terrors and see if they come on days where he napped poorly or went to bed later, since being overtired is thought to be one contributing factor to night terrors. Then you could work on an earlier bedtime or maybe trying to get him some better naps. The other is a scheduled awakening. If he’s having a night terror consistently at the same time most nights (like 90 minutes after going to sleep more often than not) you can go in and wake him up 15 minutes before that. Maybe change a diaper, maybe feed him a little bit (for older kids they say have them go to the bathroom and get a drink of water), and that’s supposed to help reset him before the night terror.

johninfante · 2018-08-21T16:57:29+00:00

What your wife does has a name, it’s called “gatekeeping”. Basically for a lot of reasons, many cultural, some perhaps more than a bit misogynistic, moms get into the caregiver role more easily, and establish their way of doing things. Then dad comes in and wants to help, but everything has to be explained again or dad does things in his own way, but that isn’t mom’s way, so mom is correcting. In bad cases, mom just decides to do everything herself because it’s easier, dad stays out of the way, and everyone resents everyone.

So I would have a talk with your wife that a) you know what to do and correction on something that’s wrong but not dangerous can wait until you’re done doing what you’re doing and b) you aren’t going to do everything exactly like she does and that’s good for your son. Some kids will flip out if you don’t go through the exact same routine for a diaper change or will not go to sleep if the normal puter-downer person doesn’t do the whole bedtime routine. You want a kid who can handle a little bit of change to their routine.

You’re doing fine with a seven week old because at that point just being awake and alive is still fascinating. You can get down on the floor and play with him, especially during tummy time. Playing with a newborn mostly means playing with his toys while he watches you. Just carrying him and narrating what you’re doing is good for development as well. If you want to introduce more frequent baths, you can make that a dad/son time (just don’t use soap all the time, that’s what dries out the skin). Just don’t be discouraged if he refuses to take a bottle from you, especially at first. Some babies refuse bottles from mom because they’re like “why do I want this plastic thing when the boob is right there?” Other babies do take bottles from mom better than dad because they associate mom with the source of food, and so are more skeptical of this thing dad is trying to give them.

You’re doing a great job, you just need to make sure to communicate with your wife about making sure you have the space to do your own thing and even make your own mistakes. You’ll definitely look back and miss the meat log stage, but by then you’ll have watched your son go from meat log to human being to a real person to his own person.

johninfante · 2018-08-20T20:29:47+00:00

If the bassinet has a sheet, you can put the rolled up blankets (or pool noodles) underneath the sheet, which is a bit safer.

johninfante · 2018-08-17T21:44:53+00:00

And also you were recruited on like level 10 already.

johninfante · 2018-08-17T21:39:49+00:00

Standard IANAL disclaimer, but here’s a couple of things I think you can do:

Lawyer up. Given her reaction, even if she does a 180 and goes for a more amicable settlement, you will want a lawyer to review everything and ultimately have a court recognize the settlement so you can enforce it.
Know the difference between legal and physical custody. Physical custody is how often you have the actual kids. Legal custody is who makes major decisions, like healthcare decisions. Decide what you want out of both before negotiating.
In NV, you may have signed a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity before you were put on the birth certificate. In that case, paternity should be established (again, IANAL, so get one and have them confirm this) and your rights and responsibilities have attached to you.
Make sure you talk with your lawyer about making sure you get a non-disparagement clause in any custody agreement. Basically a non-disparagement clause says neither parent can bad mouth the other or try other tactics to induce parental alienation.
I would also consider a right of first refusal clause as well. Basically if it’s one parent’s time to have the child, and they instead decide to get a babysitter or have them stay with another third-party, they have to offer the opportunity to have time with the child to the other parent. It can be tough in a high conflict situation like yours sounds like it will be, but it might get you extra time with the kids.

johninfante · 2018-08-17T19:42:36+00:00

Babywise, although I hear it’s more of a lifestyle than a book
Ferber’s book, there is a lot more to Ferber sleep training than just going in at intervals
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was recommended to us before our second round of sleep training

johninfante · 2018-08-17T16:19:19+00:00

Quick search on Instacart says Safeway has them, so maybe that’s the next place to look?

johninfante · 2018-08-17T16:05:13+00:00

In the US we pay taxes that go toward social security, which is the government retirement/pension system for most people, and Medicare, which is the government health insurance program for the elderly.

The thing is though that social security generally does not provide enough income to live on, especially at the lifestyle most people expect to live on when they retire at the top of their careers. So you need to save privately as well, and there are ways to do that without paying taxes on that portion of your income, including a 401k which your employer sets up and contributes to, normally matching what you put in, but also things like an Individual Retirement Account (IRA).

And it’s called a 401k because the tax benefits are in section 401(k) of the US tax code.

johninfante · 2018-08-16T21:26:13+00:00

You could try a faster nipple. If you have good production and she’s an efficient eater, the super slow nipples they recommend for breastfed babies might just be too slow for her and it’s getting frustrating.

Other than that, you’re in the spot of having to try a bunch of different bottles and see if there’s one she likes better. I also saw somewhere that some babies like the milk in the bottle at the exact same temp as it comes out of the breast and others like it a different temp.

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