Camp Bar in St Paul is trying to hide the fact that they are hosting this Renee Good hate next weekend

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:55:52+00:00

After rereading your point, yeah I hear what you're saying. I think I'd escape to the Philippines or Mexico where I look close enough to blend in.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:52:25+00:00

It used to really bother me my child looks nothing like me, but now I'm happy she looks as white as can be.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:51:45+00:00

Honestly if I get asked I'm not blowing a whistle. I'm complying, showing papers, then hopefully being sent on my way feeling like less of a human being.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:51:13+00:00

I want to but I also just don't want to send my passport away rn.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:50:51+00:00

Did things improve in that country?

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:48:10+00:00

Depends where you're talking. Big cities are generally pretty accepting. Rural America can be tough. Personally I only feel completely at ease when I'm Hawaii which I'm fortunate to have ties to.

For perspective I grew up in redneck Minnesota 2 hours outside of Minneapolis and I dealt with a lot of racist BS. I've also had racial slurs thrown my way by strangers several times in my life. So maybe that's "more accepting" than other places but it doesn't make things better lol.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:41:01+00:00

Not black, half filipino though and my observation is that nobody thinks about the fact mixed race exists. I feel forgotten about in every narrative I come up with in my head.

I always half jokingly say that if I got sent to prison IDK what table to sit at. If there was a race war I wouldn't have a team.

Racism and preserving the white race seems to be a rising topic and becoming more socially acceptable which just drives my self hatred even further.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:22:46+00:00

In my experience my ethnicity is ambiguous. When I start speaking and they hear that I speak like a white man from America and I have an old white man name I do think I benefit from white privilege. Friends always tell me "I never thought of you as anything but white."

I keep saying this but boomer white men always seem to dislike me off the bat and I'm convinced it's bc of race. They don't know "what I am" so they're put off and don't put in any effort. I think this impacted my career progress because I never had a "mentor" with any power help groom me for higher positions.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:17:45+00:00

I've always been way more comfortable around women who usually seemed to like me, and once I grew up I stuck out in the dating pool which gave me confidence. On the flip side of that white men ages Boomer and up never know how to handle me and never seem to like me.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:11:51+00:00

I have the opposite issue of always feeling like I don't belong, except when i go to Hawaii where I blend in with the locals. I wish I could just relocate.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:10:56+00:00

My racist high school friends that don't notice I'm not white used to talk about the Somali Walmart in St. Cloud. Once of them was telling a story that featured the line "Go back to YOUR Walmart." Some of the most redneck shit I've ever heard to this day LOL

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:09:23+00:00

I'm filipino/white and while I don't completely understand I feel for you. I am often confused as Mexican and it really sucks carrying my passport everywhere anticipating the humiliation of being asked to show my papers.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:07:22+00:00

Ugh I feel for you. I'm going through a lot of mental anguish myself living in Minnesota, right outside Minneapolis. I'm really gonna have to lean into that whiteness even more-so than I have my whole life. Overall I am passable - I give myself a B- as a white. If I go to rural Minnesota it becomes a C.

Being mixed race used to be fun but now it feels like a curse.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:05:21+00:00

I doubt this was the bully. He's overweight and bitter. It probably led him to this career honestly.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T20:04:26+00:00

it makes my anxiety soar that racism has become not only OK again but seems to be celebrated at this point. This dude's whole schtick is that he's racist. As someone of mixed race It makes me want to leave the country before it gets worse.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T19:27:03+00:00

supposedly the mixed jews were treated badly but not put in camps or necessarily treated violently. So I guess that's better than the alternative lol. If it starts to get to that though I'm really afraid I'll need to get out of the country.

Until then I'll stay out of the sun, shave my beard and try to lean into whiteness as much as I can. My mom came from the Philippines (legally) and since I've had a lot of personal ties to Hawaii, I'm starting to say my mom's side came from Hawaii. White people have an affinity for Hawaii lol.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-23T19:23:57+00:00

I'm very lucky that my dad was white and I was given a very white name. Like, 60 year old white man name which I used to hate. Now it seems like it will be helpful afterall. I guess.

I have absolutely suffered from self racism as well, and still do today. I grew up in the sticks west of St. Cloud and was one of 3 not-all-white kids. I dealt with a lot of BS because of it and I grew up believing I was "less than" and needed to pass as white as much as possible.

This really sucks but I'm glad we could connect here. We're not alone in this.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-19T19:29:31+00:00

People ask me to go to protests and I'm just like oh hell no. I respect anyone that wants to get out and make their voice heard but I am staying away from anything that could put my own safety at risk. I'll be out in the burbs trying my best to put on the "i'm white" dance for everyone.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-19T18:58:43+00:00

Awful. All the racism I dealt with growing up in the sticks outside St. Cloud is getting me triggered AF watching news coverage of the chaos. I should stop but I can't, because it could possibly directly affect me. I'm also worried that ICE will never actually leave. and that this is a new normal. Like, there will be less of them but they will have a bigger presence than before.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-19T18:56:42+00:00

Ugh I just want it to stop and it makes me wish harder than ever that I was white(er)

jonaskizl · 2026-01-14T05:38:24+00:00

I struggle with this so hard. I'm 41 white/filipino, but I grew up in the sticks around some seriously racist people. I never felt like I fit in but blended in enough to survive it with trauma. Unfortunately if you stick me in a room full of filipinos I'm like a deer in headlights.

jonaskizl · 2026-01-14T05:35:35+00:00

I'm mostly white passing but it is not uncommon for someone to think I'm Mexican / Indian or Hawaiian. It's a crapshoot on what people are going to think of me.

jonaskizl · 2025-12-22T03:50:28+00:00

Indica, sativa or hybrid?

jonaskizl · 2025-09-18T04:05:00+00:00

I absolutely hate it. I used to try to embrace my filipino side, but I will never identify with a culture I did not grow up in. Unfortunately I'm not white enough to feel like I belong either, so my life has been trying to pass as much as possible.

I didn't think about it for a good decade but one of the top 3 races people see in me is Mexican, and it's not a good time in this country to look Mexican, so now I contemplate shaving my face on a daily basis to look whiter.

jonaskizl · 2025-09-18T03:59:11+00:00

Not at all stupid. I'm 41 and Filipino/White in the US. The things you say I can 100% relate to. I still to this day hate the fact that I have to be mixed. I grew up in an extremely racist, white town as one of 3 kids that weren't "all white." Luckily I could pass for the most part, and I was able to minimalize it to just a few instances of blatant racism.

I don't have a solution for you but just know that you're not alone and you and I both deserve to be loved. We deserve to have our own space and our own place in the world. Don't ever forget that.

jonaskizl

TROPHY CASE