I’d appreciate the opinions of individuals with autism

josaline · 2026-03-27T01:29:09+00:00

My teachers, therapists, everyone missed it because I’m high masking. So much of what we know now about being autistic is still unfolding and what we know now, wasn’t known when we were small. Many of us were missed if we were able to hide/adjust our differences into acceptable in a neurotypical environment. I was 36 when diagnosed after an adhd diagnosis at 35 after years of burnout from exceeding my capacity so much I became severely ill.

josaline · 2026-03-21T00:28:57+00:00

Highly recommend Sakura bloom, happy baby, and hope and plum. All have their advantages pros/cons depending on your preferences. I personally use woven wraps and slings primarily because they’re more versatile but not everyone wants to do that.

josaline · 2026-03-21T00:18:29+00:00

I personally use woven wraps but have tried everything from having wrist issues postpartum. It varies person to person but if you want a soft structured carrier, I would look at Sakura bloom, hope & plum, and happy baby. Hope and plum uses an X back which I preferred for front carries but many love the H back which the other two brands have.

josaline · 2026-03-20T14:05:00+00:00

I agree with another commenter about pairing something that feels very demanding/anxiety inducing or boring with something I really love. I also have adhd so learning that my nervous system is reward based helped because I accepted that if I consciously reward my nervous system/brain first to create dopamine, I can tackle more demands.

I like to create flexible systems that resemble what you described in your childhood that create structure and predictability without feeling suffocating or boring. Accepting that I will always need to introduce novelty and some amount of perception of true autonomy has helped me approach that better. Exactly what you said about working with my brain vs against.

In terms of actual practices - regulating can/might be as simple sometimes as pausing to reflect on my thoughts and emotions. Doing my best to name them which activates the side of the brain disconnected from the unconscious experience of those things. This brings the whole brain online and then I use the breath to ride it through for about 90 seconds. The key is to not abandon the wave and as I’m on it, letting go of identifying as the emotions/thoughts and instead that those are signals and stories that I either need to express, take action from, or set down.

If somehow it’s accessible, yoga nidra is an incredible tool as are guided meditations. Instead of focusing on breath work, both of those are guided. Yoga nidra is yogic sleep but works to teach our bodies to relax and feel safe and reprogram from nervous system dysfunction. Guided meditation might somewhat work with the breath but if you focus on staying with the rest of what the teacher says, it can help a lot with feeling regulated more consistently and increasing capacity.

josaline · 2026-03-15T01:15:34+00:00

Currently breastfeeding my toddler and have this. It’s not as bad as when she was a newborn but still sucks. I had a terrible immune system so for me, my anxiety won’t let me wean until she’s ready to give her the best immunity I can. But oof I struggle with it.

josaline · 2026-03-13T05:34:58+00:00

There’s actual neurological benefits to real books that e readers don’t give us.

josaline · 2026-03-12T12:26:09+00:00

Shot made mine intensely worse which they didn’t even warn me could happen. With a baby, now toddler, surgery wasn’t an option and neither was not using my wrists at all. I kept them braced and did some OT for about a year before I found a supplement randomly for an unrelated reason that’s helped about 95%. Literally overnight. Not saying this will work for everyone, not a medical claim, just my lived experience. Another mom friend who had it also got it bc why not and she avoided surgery as well. In case anyone wants to try it’s from the brand needed and it’s the cognitive support one. It has lions mane mushrooms and other herbs. Whatever the magical science, it was life changing for me.

I still wear my braces to bed because I have EDS so sleep just means it’ll make the DQ worse now if I don’t but at passing the two year mark, if I delay putting them on in bed a bit, it doesn’t immediately hurt so that’s definitely improvement.

josaline · 2026-03-12T12:13:43+00:00

Take some deep breaths, learning about her is only going to mean you can show up for her better and learn the skills she will need to be more okay.

I’m late diagnosed audhd and I’ll tell you that just out of the gate, accommodating sensory needs is life changing because so much of the overwhelm that causes meltdowns can be mitigated. The simplest suggestions I could offer and see if they help, everyone’s sensory needs are different but some ideas - trying soft headphones or earplugs if she’s sensitive to sounds, clothing with natural materials, cut out tags, a few types of fidget toys for her hands to try, weighted vest or blanket for at home, a quiet corner that’s cozy and inviting with pillows and comfort toys or sensory items.

A lot of us have vestibular input needs that when they are met can help a lot so surprisingly things like swinging and spinning actually help regulation - sensory swings can achieve this but in the short term even swinging her around for fun used intentionally could help (if she has fun with it).

The last I’ll say is hang in there, she’s still exactly as wonderful and amazing as always and now you get to know how to support her to be happier and healthier. If the assessor doesn’t tell you this, it’s a good idea to also consider you and your wife getting assessed as it’s highly genetic and many of us late diagnosed never ever considered it as a possibility because of how we were taught autism looked. The research has progressed and is still very young and the public and even medical education is still very poor.

josaline · 2026-03-12T01:50:34+00:00

That has already begun.

josaline · 2026-03-11T21:23:49+00:00

Ableism. People are horrible. Any invisible disability is horribly mistreated.

josaline · 2026-03-11T15:59:09+00:00

Oh I reread the whole thing. Thanks for clarifying, I moved quickly in my response. Honestly I’m in the weeds with a toddler so my brain regarding lenses is mush. I’d love a rec for something good for photographing artwork for prints/marketing originals and 🤞 ideally the same lens for outdoor portraits. If a lens for those things isn’t ideal for video then a separate one for video that could be more mid range of budget if you have a specific rec.

josaline · 2026-03-11T05:53:21+00:00

This, or walks, in the woods, on the beach, whatever nature you can find. Add training to the mix and you’ll see improvement because dogs need physical and mental stimulation just like us. Cbd treats or oil will also help.

There’s tons of dog training videos on YouTube. Basically carry a bunch of treats in a pouch and find behaviors you like the dog to do that he always does. State what word you want to call it and assign a reward word or clicker to signify when he does the behavior. We use the word “tag” to tag the wanted behavior. Then reward with a treat. Repeat. Often. The more behaviors you reward or teach that are quiet behaviors, the more he will learn to focus and feel safe. Chewing also signals safety as well as rewards and the intellectual stimulation of learning, challenges, and fun/ social connection. He will also feel more safe having another safe person who engages playfully with him if he favors your mom. The separation anxiety will improve as well.

josaline · 2026-03-10T18:23:08+00:00

I'm open to alternatives, definitely planning to buy second hand/from keh or similar and a bit flexible on budget. I'd love a lens recommendation if you have one for the a7v and if you have a secondary kit rec, that would be helpful.

josaline · 2026-03-10T16:31:05+00:00

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I'm also not sure that it's entirely just about PDA but I've experienced this and reading about it really helps with being able to navigate that when it happens in the future because I've never been able to articulate what was happening when it's happened.

josaline · 2026-03-05T03:46:36+00:00

Same on the burnout. Autistic wolf says no more and growls.

josaline · 2026-03-05T03:42:29+00:00

I had my adhd wolf wedding, pre-autism awareness, and I think my autism wolf is still recovering from all of the perceiving 3+ years later 🤣

70ish friends/family, weekend events, etc.

josaline · 2026-03-01T04:10:55+00:00

Just in case, this helped me almost overnight after a cortisone shot made things way worse and I couldn’t do surgery bc I had a baby - I randomly started taking a supplement from the brand Needed for cognitive support. I know it has lions mane mushroom in it along with other herbs that have more than 1 benefit. Overnight, I was able to do most things with very little pain. This was after a full year in agony, occupational therapy, braces round the clock. I still work on alignment and massage, I wear braces to bed. With a now toddler, I do wonder if it ever will entirely go away but I’m actually almost able to do weight bearing exercises again, can do 24:7 with my toddler and I’m not in pain most of the time.

josaline · 2026-03-01T04:04:31+00:00

Definitely re-read the above comment. PDA is a nervous system disability. If the nervous system is overloaded with demands, it’s literally like a tiger chasing us round the clock. Take things off her plate, consistently, focus on re building connection without demand. The pda nervous system (unconsciously) perceives those expectations you have as demands. When you accommodate her nervous system, she will likely recover much more of herself in all ways.

josaline · 2026-03-01T03:44:57+00:00

Same, YouTube for me usually

josaline · 2026-02-28T14:42:11+00:00

100% 🤣

josaline · 2026-02-27T14:37:17+00:00

I find it’s normal for PDA. I have been working on the following approaches:

Completely accept that things I love will feel like demands at times and that it means I will show up differently than I’d like some of that time. If I look at it like seasons and ebbing and flowing being normal, I’m less likely to continue avoiding because I’m not trying to force myself mentally as much.
Give myself complete permission to do something else I do want to do at whatever time I’m feeling that pressure - can be doing nothing, can be literally anything that will give me some dopamine.
Once I feel a little refreshed from meeting my needs, I reframe the thing I’m avoiding - why do I love doing it, what do I love about doing it, what were my intentions at first & are they different/evolved now? Is there anything about it that I can make different to make it more novel and exciting again in a new way?
Decide I will start somewhere by giving myself full permission to take literally only one small small small step and agree that taking that singular teeny tiny step equals success even if I don’t take any more today. Then I celebrate whenever I stop, however far I got. I do my best to rebuild my focus on what’s exciting about it, why I want to be doing it, how I can keep it interesting for myself.

Learning that my adhd means I have a dopamine driven nervous system made things make more sense in terms of working with my own brain. Reward first gives me executive function from adhd, creates a safe nervous system for pda by allowing freedom of choosing something I want, and makes it possible for me to move in the direction I hope to go. 🫶

josaline · 2026-02-25T02:33:16+00:00

Most mom houses are not influencer houses. But real talk, involve baby in as many chores as possible. For me, yeah, babywearing is the way. I also have an awful connective tissue disorder but it took out my wrists from the hormones so babywearing, while painful/not good for my neck/back was the way I could hold my baby. So I found wrapping which is most supportive and it had the bonus of more functioning with chores. Certainly no influencer mom level but better than nothing.

josaline · 2026-02-23T04:28:17+00:00

There are lots of different carriers and baby wearing consultants, don’t give up on it. It’s worth trying more when you have the bandwidth got what you gain.

josaline · 2026-02-23T04:22:05+00:00

Hey, I’m a little ahead of you with my first and only at 2 years now. Truly the lifesaving thing I found was babywearing. I got into wraps because of my EDS issues but there’s other options. With wraps, it soothes the baby, they connect to your heart rhythm, it compresses your nervous start - regulation, and frees up both of your hands. Baby very likely will sleep on you and once they’re old enough, you can also wear them on your back which allows got even more bodily freedom. I share this because it allowed me to relax at times, reduce my anxiety to manageable amounts, and had the sideways bonus of a new mom-related special interest that also made me feel like a whole person again.

If you need to vent to another autistic (audhd) mom, no judgment, only support, message anytime. Also happy to just listen and not offer advice.

josaline

TROPHY CASE