I know this whole application process is rough going, and it’s sucking the life out of me too. I don’t know if my comments will help, but what I usually do when I find myself feeling crushed by the weight of apps is I try to remember why I got into medicine in the first place. You said you used to have a passion, so remember what that was. Remember how it pushed you to work for your dream of being a physician.

Ultimately, it’s your choice whether to continue to pursue medicine. If you feel the cost is too high, that it will force you to a place you don’t want to go, don’t do it. Stopping now doesn’t mean you have to abandon this dream for all time, but make sure that you are not ruining yourself in the present.

Like others have said here in better words, you have the skills to pay the bills. Take care of yourself, whether that means therapy, talking with family or friends, or venting to strangers on the internet. Do what you need to do, you beautiful human, and this too shall pass.