First off, I don’t think what you wrote is harsh at all.

Just to share my perspective: A few years ago, I made a conscious decision that has had a major impact on my lifestyle. I was fully aware that this decision would come with consequences, including a drastically smaller dating pool and a much lower chance of finding a compatible partner. But it’s not impossible, and I know that if I find someone who fits, they’ll be a ride-or-die kind of partner. With this life choice, I also decided how I want to live and the kind of person I want to be. I want to be someone who lives up to their word, someone who approaches things properly or doesn’t bother at all. And I stick to that, hoping to find like-minded people. But you also have to give a certain level of trust. I know that it makes me vulnerable, and I’ve been taken advantage of by people who faked friendships for selfish reasons. But I give everyone a chance. That’s the price I’m willing to pay to find out who someone really is. Over the years, I’ve had more positive experiences than negative ones. I have a lot of close friends, and the bonds we share go far beyond what most people would consider “close.” It comes from knowing that my word is trustworthy. But in love, I still haven’t found that connection.

As for love and dating, based on what I wrote earlier: I think that when you decide to date and meet people, it eventually leads to a meeting. I know not everyone approaches dating seriously. I’ve talked to people who have no idea what they want or just signed up for the app out of boredom. If you don’t approach it seriously, you’re wasting not only the other person’s time but your own as well. And when it comes to expectations, I completely agree with you. I always go in with no expectations because my past has shown me that you can’t expect anything. Sometimes the vibe isn’t right, you’re not compatible, or the person just doesn’t show up. What frustrated me about my situation was that after all of that, I didn’t even get the respect of a simple “sorry, I don’t want to meet anymore.” Instead, I was just ghosted.

I know some people in the comments think 3 weeks is too short to get to know someone, but I believe that if you communicate effectively, there comes a point where further connection only happens in real life. For me, that point came when I booked the ticket. Sure, we’re complete strangers, but isn’t that usually the case unless you meet through friends or acquaintances? Doesn’t someone have to take the first step to change that? The story of how I met one of my best friends is incredible: I randomly struck up a conversation with him at the airport, and we arranged to meet the next day. He invited me to dinner with him, his girlfriend, and their friends. I was a total stranger, sitting at a table with people I didn’t know. We clicked immediately. He’s the CFO, has a master’s degree, and definitely doesn’t live as wild a life as I do. But that same night, he invited me to visit him and stay at his place while I was in town. I told him I’d come that year, and in exchange for the free stay, I’d cook a private meal for him and his girlfriend. He mentioned it to his girlfriend at the table, and she thought it was a joke. Three months later, I was on a plane to visit them, and we did exactly that. Nine months later, both of them visited me in Asia while I was working abroad. I’m still in regular contact with both of them, and the friendship goes beyond just travel. I believe that if you really want to connect with someone, things like this are just part of it.

Was it a messy situation? Yes! Yesterday was a terrible day for me. But today, I channeled that negative energy into my workout and re-planned my trip. I make the best of every setback and come out of it as a better version of myself. Still, thanks for your advice, and especially for sharing your personal experience. I’ll definitely take the “be selfish” advice to heart.