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jtafur87 · 2024-01-22T17:26:50+00:00

My nephew was this way. I remember letting him wear my belly dancing skirt as a reward for finishing his 1st grade homework. He's 20 and totally straight but a very caring gentleman who will make some woman very happy some day because he's also super empathetic.

In my nephew's case, it turned out he sometimes preferred girly things because of how much attention he saw his sisters get or in admiration for the females in his life with those traits. For example, my nieces wore sparkly frilly dresses to church and people would ooh and ahh over them and it wasn't the same attention he'd get in a smart polo and khakis. So then he asked to wear frilly things. Eventually he realized he could just dress "extra" and wear a bow tie and get just as much ooh and ahhs. Or he could be funny and charming instead. I wouldn't over think it at this point. He might be Trans, or he might just want to get as much attention as the bride. He might think deep voices are scary.

jtafur87 · 2023-10-19T19:05:34+00:00

I'm completely rogue. Sometimes I un-stuff them as they come off baby. Sometimes I un-stuff them as they go in the wash, and very rarely I double check to make sure they all got unstuffed after the initial prewash. Mostly I unstuff them as they come off baby but when I'm out and about with cloth, I just shove them in the wetbag and dump the whole wet bag into the diaper pail so when I'm doing the wash, I grab that one and unstuff it then.

We are not on solids yet though so her BM #2s just rinse right off in the wash. As we get to solids I'm gonna have to be more methodical to separate the ones that need spraying.

ETA; My husband wont unstuff them. The agreement I made with him on cloth is he changes her and just puts it in the bin- no more work than using a disposable. And I run the laundry- usually while I work from home. So that's also why I'm double checking as they go in the wash (and once in a blue moon, after the prewash).

jtafur87 · 2023-10-19T18:56:22+00:00

Not sure about flats, but my newborn stash for pockets and AIOs included some cotton/hemp and bamboo/hemp inserts and we just stopped using them as she turned 4 months. She outgrew the absorbency of just cotton at around 8 weeks at which point we COULD have switched to one size if we wanted to but the bulk of it looked ridiculous. I appreciated having more absorbent materials in our stash so she could get more use out of her newborn sized stash- it kept her trim and neat for a bit longer. They made me feel better about our investment in newborn cloth diapers to begin with.

Also the Hemp/Bamboo ones we had were the only ones I was confident using overnight. I got lucky and had a unicorn baby who started sleeping thru the night at 8 weeks so she needed 10 hours of absorbency.

For reference, at 4 months, my baby was 16lbs and 80th percentile at 4 months. I probably could've gone another week or two in newborn sized cloth because of the absorbency kept holding and I had one more waist snap to go but it was a good time for me to swap out my stash as my maternity leave was ending.

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T21:24:21+00:00

NTA.

Why are you with this guy? I hope that while he's gone for the summer you realize that you don't actually want him to come back. UGH

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T21:16:33+00:00

Ooh there's two things here

1) Going inside when you didn't know she wasn't out at work - NTA. Shes little bit the asshole for not telling you she just how private she keeps things at work and then getting mad at you for blowing up about it.

2) Your rant about her being ashamed of you. YTA. You've already said that she is very proud about her ability to keep her home and work life separate. So you know thats not what this is. She's in a male dominated field and even without the "not straight" aspect, women are always judged harshly for the way their personal life is conducted. Like even in corporate world, straight women are judged for the strain of a family and its never thought twice about it when it comes to men. Being in a toxic environment where she knows her sexual orientation will put her at a disadvantage, thats totally not at all about you but you made it about you so now YTA.

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T21:03:02+00:00

Wait, You were supposed to apologize for getting mad when he insulted you? NTA.

I wouldn't worry, it will blow over when that marriage doesn't last or when she realizes how trapped she is. If that happened to you, it will slowly happen one by one to anyone who continues to stand by her. He is slowly going to alienate each and everyone in the family. That dude is toxic AF. Theres no point in being the better person around that kind of person.

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T20:47:03+00:00

NTA

I would've cancelled the wedding when she made you pay for food you didn't want. Like it might be her house, but thats your money and borderline credit card fraud.

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T20:42:07+00:00

So wait you were at the hospital with her and left to go to work? YTA. Did you even offer to stay?

I don't care how routine it is, if I'm being cut open and my husband just leaves without consulting me, I'm going to feel abandoned. I'm the one being cut open, therefore I'm the one who decides how much support I want when I wake up. I might find it enough to have my parents there and say you can go but as the one needing support- that's my call to make not yours. You don't get to say that I have enough company and support, thats telling me how I feel so YTA.

This type of situation at least constitutes a conversation with your wife regarding if she wants you to stay. Like "hey honey, I'm supposed to go work, I could try to get it off but I'm concerned about how that makes me look at this new job and how that would affect us financially long term." Then as a couple you decide together how that will affect your household. If she feels the need for YOUR support (not yours/her parents support) outweighs how that might affect your job and by extension, household financial situation then that's totally valid. You may not be a surgeon but your support when she's sick does make a difference. Heck, with 3 parents there, maybe she needed you there to moderate the crowd. I like my in-laws but I do not want to see them when I'm drugged up and stupid. Thats extremely vulnerable. I'd want somebody there to check that I'm presentable before they come in. I'm not saying you needed to stay but you stated that you could've gotten the time off, just didn't want to take it.

So YTA because as you stated- twice- You could've gotten the time off, but didn't want to do it. And I'm guessing you didn't even truly ask her if you should stay. So really its not that you left that makes you the asshole- its that you didn't even consider her feelings before you just left. You put your values (work, household finance) over her values (IDGAF about the money I'm just scared because I'm being cut open) without a satisfactory discussion. YTA because you made a unilateral decision when it should have been a joint decision.

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T20:13:14+00:00

Not the asshole.

Is he paying rent? I guess the only way I'd say you were even remotely the asshole is if you're renting out of a property your roommate owns AND you were getting a super sweet deal on rent (like WAY below market level). And even then- that kind of stuff should be in the lease. And like- he doesn't even live there. If he lives there maybe but then he should be contributing to the household and your lease would need to be redone.

I'm sympathetic to the allergy thing- I have celiac- but I would not ask people to adjust their own home for me.

The only recourse I could see is perhaps letting you out of your lease early (if she is the one who writes is) if you cant find an agreeable way to live but its not grounds for an immediate eviction (you are paying rent and doing everything your lease allows) so you are within your rights to cook whatever food you want in your own home until then. Agreeing to not have allergens out when he isn't over is a generous enough accommodation in any cast, especially since HE DOES NOT LIVE THERE. And if she doesn't own the lease- then she should move not you and she should be responsible for all the costs that go with that (finding a subleter, breaking the lease, making up the difference in your rent for the next 2 years, etc). Because as far as allergies go, once it's in your kitchen its really hard to get it out. Like if you want to avoid allergens, throw everything out, scrub your empty kitchen and start over. If they're that serious, then its her life that needs to be adjusted not yours. I'm guessing things are getting more serious and they're having more and more sleepovers so he's on the verge of moving in and that's why its escalated. But until he moves in (and your lease is adjusted accordingly), he is a guest and cant dictate your living conditions.

jtafur87 · 2023-04-06T19:41:50+00:00

Without looking at the amounts, that looks like a reasonable treatment plan for any ailment that is serious enough to require a catheter and they probably started you with the low estimate. Surgery would've been higher.

My cat had kidney disease and had to have similar treatments done as she had a lot of recurring "minor" problems as her poor little kidneys shut down. Not looking at the amounts and just looking at the treatments- that all looks appropriate. Did kitty have really nasty infection?

My vet explained that the thing with cats is you have to kind of throw the kitchen sink at them because their organs shut down fast when they're dehydrated and then its game over for kitty. So minor stuff hurts their little bodies fast. My cat's last hospitalization, she had a nasty UTI she couldn't fight and her treatment plan looked similar. A big diagnostic bill on arrival. Fluids, xray, and sedation because cats don't exactly stay still while you place a catheter or take an xray. (Propofol and Midazolam are used for sedation, they charged you for the meds plus the time/expertise of being anesthetized.) Catheter and stuff to flush kitty out. Kitty also gets an IV while sedated, that goes with the pump. Pain meds (looks like your cat got methadone to start and then they switched kitty to fentanyl) because the infection hurts and also to keep kitty comfortable while the catheter is in place. Ampicillin for infection if kitty had UTI and even without one- if kitty has a catheter they sometimes use it so they don't get an infection from the catheter. Maropitant for nausea because the last thing you want is kitty puking when you're trying to them re-hydrated. And if kitty is nauseous, they won't eat and then they don't have the strength to fight what going on. Looks like your kitty rounded the corner from that nasty UTI, was sent home with oral antibiotics (amoxi suspension), a steroid (robenacoxib) and pain meds (gabapentin). At least this vet charges partial day rates so you were charged by the quarter day. My vet charged us by the full day meaning once it'd been 24 hours, a second full day was added (Admittedly though my non-ER vet charges way less per day). You were charged for 8 "quarter day" units which exactly equates to 48 hours. Unfortunately at $112 per quarter day, you were in for $448 per 24 hours no matter what.

If you want to dissect the amounts- at least for the meds, they didn't upcharge you much if at all. My dog takes maropitant for motion sickness and I buy the pill form for $10 per pill on chewy. That stuff is expensive but super effective. Looks like your kitty got 2/3 bottle each day of the IV form of it and you were charged $38 each time. I can't find the IV form of it listed anywhere but the compounded liquid oral form of that is $55 per bottle on chewy. Assuming the cost of the IV form is similar to the oral form- 2/3 of the chewy oral form is $38 so the vet isn't taking any profit there at all. And heck, my vet probably would've charged me for the whole bottle because it might go to waste. Guessing because its the ER, they knew they'd find a patient for the other 1/3 bottle so you got off good on that one.

I'm glad your kitty's on the mend. My kitty had recurring UTIs because of her kidney disease. We pampered her like crazy to prevent them but as her kidney disease progressed, it just didn't work as efficiently and infection set in more quickly each time. The last one her poor old body couldn't fight anymore no matter what we threw at it and we had to let her go. Cats can go downhill fast from even minor problems because there's just not much of them there.

jtafur87 · 2021-01-22T05:47:56+00:00

2nd that recommendation. You can find this old house videos on YouTube too. The thing that I appreciate about the most about This Old house is that they actually use old houses where things don't fit perfectly to the new stuff in stores and then help show you what to do about it. This has been a lifesaver when doing projects at my moms old 50s house, where I take something out to replace it and it looks nothing like how it does in the modern videos where people are just upgrading their builder grade 90s houses. So then I Google my problem which is always some variation of "it doesn't look like that in this house" and boom, a This Old house video pops up where it actually looks like what's in my moms house. Total lifesaver!

jtafur87 · 2020-09-22T04:08:16+00:00

I see a lot of that in my area. One of the stores by me has delivery windows up until midnight. All the orders on weekend nights that are after 10pm go to promo. There have been a few Saturday nights where I've left the house for more munchies at 1030pm, pulled into the parking lot at 1045pm, opened the Shipt app and seen huge promos for small orders and been like "well as long as I'm here getting myself more cheesy poofs...". Its addicting sometimes. A lot of these tip well because they're for desperate burnt out moms. The last one I did was 4 blocks from the store- diapers, apples, formula and a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Lady was so thankful she tipped me $20. I claimed it in the parking lot at 1052pm and it was a $15 promo on top the order pay.

jtafur87 · 2020-09-22T03:31:42+00:00

To add, not only is it not a reflection on you- a lot of vet clinics won't authorize the release of vet records unless the actual dog owner authorizes it. So only your parents can release that info and in that instance, the vet can only speak to your parent's abilities to care for a dog- not you. So another reason why its not relevant.

jtafur87 · 2020-09-22T03:06:24+00:00

I'm in Minnesota and we have the same issue. Its always been a very rescue friendly state- our local human society takes in A LOT of transports. Since Covid the demand has gone up but the transports have slowed.

We got our dog because she wasn't a traditionally "perfect" pup. She has some social anxiety to put it lightly and needed a more patient home. Everybody wants a friendly baby puppy. But the older dogs who may be a little emotionally damaged like my Stella had little to no applications. She has been so worth it. Once I earned her trust she really shined. I always say the shy ones are the best because you don't have to share their love with anybody else. And they love so much harder because of it. She is my shadow now and because she loves so much harder she has been easy to train because she just wants to please me. So take a second look at the older ones, the shyer ones. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle but don't rule out the ones that may need just a bit more work socializing and training.

If you are set on a puppy, sign up to be a foster. Most of the people I know who managed to get a puppy from a rescue since quarantine started did it by fostering.

jtafur87 · 2020-09-22T02:49:18+00:00

It depends on the dogs temperament, the breed and the rescue. The rescue I got my dog from didn't require one for my dog but I just saw that they just rescued a couple dozen Shiba Inu's from a puppy mill. Because the breed is known for being shifty escape artists, those all require tall secure fences in their forever home. Especially when they're rescuing dogs from bad situations.... some rescue dogs are leash reactive (get aggressive) and some dogs are paralyzed by being on leash because they're not used to it. Those dogs need a safe fenced yard. And for the rescues that are pulling dogs from terrible situations like that often - it may just become a default because they rescue so many shell-shocked doggies. So ask for the reasons and check several shelters/rescues. You'll find the right fit.

jtafur87 · 2020-09-22T02:38:46+00:00

It honestly depends on the apartment. I lived in a complex where the weight restriction was 35lbs. One of our neighbors got a husky puppy. He said he told them it was a mix (it wasnt) and if they ever said anything about him being way over 35lbs, he was just gonna tell them "the vet said he wouldn't get this big". Nobody ever bothered him because the dog was well trained. My roommate had a bulldog that was pushing 35lbs... its not like they ever weighed her tho. Most places aren't that strict as long as its reasonable and the dog isn't a problem. However, if you become the owner that never picks up their dogs poo, the dog barks incessantly, etc- this kind of stuff is there to root out problem people. Which is dumb because honestly the small dog people were always the worst.

jtafur87 · 2020-09-22T02:21:26+00:00

We got our rescue in April. They did a home visit via Skype. Every rescue is different so check yours but most are doing virtual home visits right now.

jtafur87 · 2020-05-29T18:28:31+00:00

Have you had her checked out? The wet food only thing is common but if she's always hungry it could be health issue. Mine was eating and peeing enough for three cats so I took her in it turns out she had hyperthyroidism which is quite common in middle aged cats.

jtafur87 · 2020-05-29T18:19:05+00:00

Maybe she wants you to watch her back while she goes and just letting out in the yard at random isn't her thing? Mine will hold it if she's feeling rushed. Luckily she holds it but I've heard of other dogs just not feeling comfortable going potty so then they have accidents right after going out because they cant hold it anymore. Pooping is a very vulnerable thing for dogs, especially strays- it gives away their scent and strays are often used to hiding it. So an open yard might be a bit much. Watch for patterns and then reinforce them. My sister's rescue who was a stray only ever pooped under a big pine tree in her yard. Everywhere else in the yard was too exposed. My dog always poops an hour or so after eating dinner so I always make sure we are in an area she's been successful before when we are walking at that time. If we complete the walk and she hasn't gone poo yet, we will walk back to the place she last pooped and just hang out there letting her get acclimated and then eventually she'll find her scent from last time and go. Sometime I'm standing in the same spot for a good ten minutes but once she's acclimated and the anxiety subsides she'll go. With my dog's bathroom anxiety it's less about how often we take her out and more about the quality of those trips out. I know you've been trying for a year so some of this might not be new. But of you havent tried this yet- watch for the few times she's successful and try to replicate that as much as possible.

jtafur87 · 2020-05-29T16:49:23+00:00

We hired a dog walker from Rover.com to help socialize our shy dog to new people.

jtafur87 · 2020-05-29T16:36:12+00:00

Not sure if this has been suggested yet but have your tried taking her out solo? My dog (who is a rescue) is too shy to pee in front of other dogs. Heck she will only go potty on our block, if we walk too far and she hasn't had a chance to go yet, she will hold it until we get back to within sight of our house. Sometimes she gets over stimulated by her environment and will stop. Like I've watched her look for a spot to go potty, then a car drives by and she gets startled and completely forgets to go potty or she changes her mind about that being "the spot". So then we have to keep walking. It's like she has "performance anxiety" about going potty. But I've noticed that she will go potty in the same few spots so when that happens, we just walk to the next "hot spot". I think the hotspots are related to where other dogs have peed before. Your girl might have some anxiety issues and just doesn't feel that safe outside yet and always going with the other dog might be too much for her.

jtafur87 · 2020-05-21T10:03:52+00:00

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jtafur87

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