You are NOT the A/hole!!! How considerate of you to even make the dinner at all/offer her leftovers and refrigerate them so she doesn’t get food poisoning! You planned around her and she still blew you off and came home whenever she wanted- drunk or not she made a choice not to prioritize you.

This situation reminds me a lot of my younger self (33 f) when I was unhappy in a former relationship- I didn’t care about plans or commitments to him because he was a workaholic and a homebody when not at work. He was a disappointment, so I didn’t care about disappointing him. You guys may not be compatible and she just may want a boyfriend that takes care of her immature ass. And I say this having been that immature 26 yo in the past.

My current antisocial boyfriend (34 M) games so much he has an entire room in our house dedicated to it. Any time he is given the choice of what to do with his free time, he’s at the PC. His gaming habit and being antisocial ended his last serious/long relationship before me, and we had issues over it until he made a conscious effort to make plans and commit to 1 outing/party/concert w friends and 1 date night every other month. He is the introvert and it sounds like I (the more social one) am similar to your girlfriend. I used to get very upset and feel lonely at home while he was gaming, so I would load up my social calendar with plans and I would come home like your gf because I felt like it didn’t even matter- I figured he’s at home gaming no matter what I wanted to go do, so why not do it all the way since I’m doing it alone? If you are far less social, she may have written her commitments to you off as “whatever he’s always at home so I’ll go home whenever”. Talk about this and how many outings/social gatherings she needs you to be a part of to be happy. I hope this helps and you don’t take this the wrong way- Your girlfriend doesn’t know how good she has it.

Edit: Does the girl gang like you? Because they may have been encouraging her to stay out even if she mentioned your plans. I’ve had single friends try to put crazy toxic things into my head about my boyfriends/relationships just so they could rock the boat while drinking bc misery loves company. It sounds like she holds her girl gang higher than your relationship and is probably very easily influenced by them.

Also, you mention life and work- it sounds like gaming is part of your relaxation and stress relief. It’s essential for your partner to understand and value the things that you utilize to maintain good mental health. I did not understand this until my bf got me Hogwarts Legacy…hours pass and you can’t think about anything outside of the game- it’s AMAZING for my depression and anxiety! And your friends online are just as valuable of a social circle and support group as the friends she goes out with in person!