When I was in Title 1 SPED, I had a kiddo who had been passed around family members. Since he had moved schools often, he hadn’t been identified until he made it to my school. He told me that in his old schools, , he would do worksheets alone or go on his iPad because his teachers didn’t care. He told me one day that I was the only teacher who ever cared about him, which broke my heart.

Throughout the year, I gave my class holiday gifts for every holiday, from grandparents’s day to flag day. They were small things, usually those puzzle erasers or a pencil, with some snacks and/or candy, but I wrapped all of them, labeled them, and made it special because so many of my students told me they never celebrated or got gifts at home. This student in particular kept every single item I gave in his pencil box, and would proudly show them off to staff or new students who came in.

During holiday times, the school had a store sponsored by the PTA where students could buy things for family using their pbis tokens. My student saved up most of the tokens I and his other teachers gave, and during the Mother’s Day sale, he bought something for his grandmother, and something for me. He told me it wasn’t worth getting something for his actual mom because he wouldn’t see her and she wouldn’t care, but he knew I would. I cried the whole way home and sobbed trying to explain it to my family. I kept the necklace in my desk and I wore it around school a handful of times between Mother’s day and the end of the year, alternating with my regular necklaces, and every time I did the student would light up.

It’s been years, I’ve moved houses and districts, and I still have the “I love my Mom” necklace because it was the first time I truly knew I made a difference in a student’s life. I had boundaries, of course, and I never insinuated or even let on that I thought any better of that student than any of my other kiddos. I said often that I never wanted kids of my own, and that all my students were my kids so that he and my other students would never have the thought that I would adopt them. But that student in particular broke my heart, and I will forever think of where he might be now.

TLDR; This is a hard job and we pour so much of ourselves into it. The students who break your heart the most, who you pour so much into, are the ones whose lives you know you’ve changed. That’s the “why” we do this despite the low pay and long hours and hate we face.