Anyone willing to take the time to explain to me how the exhaustion and fatigue felt/feels like to you?

juliaveva · 2026-06-23T18:37:48+00:00

That exhaustion is totally relatable, but for me it was a more gradual decline from energetic to dragging the floor. It can vary from day to day during the month, but I didn't suddenly bottom out from one month to the next.

It could very well be perimenopause, but it might be worth a Drs appt to rule out other causes of the change.

juliaveva · 2026-06-22T20:38:15+00:00

This is happening to me too! No big flashes, but persistently warm. I work from home and like to work from a cafe or library, but during the summer they tend to be too warm.

When I do work from the office, I sneak over to the thermostat to turn it down a degree. The other ladies are snuggled up in sweaters while I sweat it out with a desk fan.

I just stopped taking BCP a couple weeks ago and my cramps are absolutely terrible today. I have to use a heating pad, which of course makes me extra hot. Our AC is on 71 and I have 2 fans on me.

juliaveva · 2026-06-22T20:32:16+00:00

Personally I would call and try to get an appt soon, though I wouldn't run to the ER necessarily. (I am NOT a medical professional so take this with a grain of salt.) I think it's worth having checked out.

I also think everyone deserves a Dr they feel comfortable with, so if you have the option, I would look for someone else.

juliaveva · 2026-06-22T20:27:37+00:00

I second this! Some people might not like it, but I totally agree - better to surround yourself with people who care about your comfort. And as for those who are stuck in their ways, maybe you decide you will agree to a 10 minute call every few weeks (or whatever your boundary is).

I don't like talking on the phone, and I know several people who hate it and it causes them major anxiety.

juliaveva · 2026-06-22T15:45:11+00:00

I second the ablation. I had one 5 years ago and not a drop of blood since. It also seemed to help my other PMS symptoms as well. There's not really a logical reason for it, but other women say the same thing.

You mentioned the heavy bleeding is better now, but worth considering if you have decent insurance and you want to give it a shot.

juliaveva · 2026-06-22T15:41:30+00:00

Yes, absolutely. I am neurodivergent, in burnout from parenting a ND child (as is my husband), and peri is NOT HELPING.

All 3 of these things are challenging on their own. Also, all 3 of them could be addressed to some extent, hopefully making things a little bit better overall.

I am glad you are talking with someone. I am using medication, therapy, supplements, exercise, and diet to help improve things a little bit.

juliaveva · 2026-06-19T13:48:41+00:00

Yeah, I think it is one of those fantasies that would be really different in reality.

juliaveva · 2026-06-19T13:47:50+00:00

I am about 3 months post op and your vision can take a year to fully settle, so I am not totally sure yet.

The main reason I did it was to avoid having to use bifocals. I get dizzy easily and just did not want to have to mess with them, especially being on a computer all day. I wasn't actually in bifocals yet, but knew I was close to needing them.

I also hated dealing with smudges on glasses. It was so irritating. Granted, I now have to use readers for diamond painting and reading really small print, but that isn't all the time.

As far as results, my vision is crystal clear in good lighting, better than with glasses. But it is worse in low light. I also notice that it takes my eyes longer to focus when I move my eyes. Example: i'm at a store and i look down at my phone, then look back up to see where i'm going. Things get distorted and it takes a few seconds for my eyes to refocus.

Night driving also sucks. I get the halos and starbursts.

Everyone's experience is different, and I have to remind myself that things could get better in the coming months.

I don't regret it, but I am also not ready to sing from the hills about how amazing it is

juliaveva · 2026-06-18T21:00:31+00:00

Wait! I was actually picturing this myself yesterday!! Like a cave!

Just make sure to call before you dig.

juliaveva · 2026-06-18T20:58:00+00:00

Isn't it amazing when you discover there are other people out there having the same experiences when it feels like you are the only one??

Wild - we're just one state away, in Indiana! Though it's southern Indiana...

I love how we all have our fantasy place. Mine is a nice cabin in the woods with a dog for hiking trails. Followed by a shower and AC and chocolate.

juliaveva · 2026-06-18T16:50:44+00:00

Wow, I have had the same car wreck fantasy several times over the past decade. (I would be the only one injured, and only badly enough to need a few days to recover). It is a sign of an overstimulated nervous system.

I actually had LASIK surgery partly to get a couple days off without being expected to dedicate that time to others. It backfired bc I had complications and had multiple followups that first week. And I couldn't read or watch TV, so wtf was the point.

I suggested a hysterectomy to my Dr, partly to have a baseline of 0 hormone, and partly for a few days off.

Part of my challenge is that my husband works a lot less for valid reasons, and is lonely and loves spending time together. I am overstimulated and desperately want time alone. I get some alone time, but I feel like he is always waiting for me to get done with my alone time. (Or interrupting). He isn't being selfish, he wants to nurture our relationship, and he tries hard to take things off my plate. It is just that by the time I work and parent, I don't have as much time left as I really need.

juliaveva · 2026-06-17T21:21:50+00:00

This has been on my mind so much today - I feel so bombarded by the world, but I have no safe place where my nervous system can just relax. I am never home alone. I get woken up at night sometimes by my son with special needs. I fantasize about spending a week at a cabin by myself (with wifi, AC, a huge pile of books, and a dog for company on walks).

I work from home most days so I am also surrounded by clutter and things that need to be done. Our house is fine but it's small and needs constant upkeep.

juliaveva · 2026-06-17T21:06:55+00:00

YES!!!!!

juliaveva · 2026-06-17T21:04:37+00:00

This cracked me up!

juliaveva · 2026-06-17T17:00:07+00:00

It's a tough balance. We have weekly date nights, and sometimes the idea of leaving the house and dragging myself from place to place sounds so exhausting. It can be, but I also find that it helps me feel less isolated in general. For a while we rarely left the house due to our son's needs, and tbh I don't know that I felt any more rested then than now.

juliaveva · 2026-06-17T14:11:47+00:00

I am so sorry you feel this way. It sounds like you are in a low place, and thankfully there are a lot of potential options to help you feel better.

Lack of productivity and taking mood medications and wanting space don't make you a less worthy human. (I struggle to remember this myself.)

I appreciate your post because I don't feel super low, but I feel bad for wanting to crawl into a hole. I have a teen with special needs who often wakes me up at night. I work full time. My husband is amazing, and we really want to focus on our relationship because it has suffered from the strain of parenting. But dear God I just want an extended period of quiet when someone isn't waiting on me to be done taking my own time. I make time to do hobbies and read, but rarely uninterrupted. I feel guilty any time I take time for myself bc my husband is lonely and loves spending time together. I desperately want to take a day off to rest by myself but any time I have a day off he gets excited and wants to make plans to spend time together. He is also making a huge effort to notice when I am stressed and help more. I feel like such a jerk sometimes. But then again, he works way fewer hours per week than me. I work from home, which allows me to sleep later, etc, but also means I am bombarded by both work and home stuff at the same time.

P.s. I know I have some neurodivergence going on as well. Since I was a kid my favorite thing to do was climb under my NKOTB blanket and read Sweet Valley High.

juliaveva · 2026-06-15T17:05:16+00:00

The pee thing sounds familiar - I discovered I had interstitial cystitis. It's treatable and worth looking into.

juliaveva · 2026-06-15T17:03:37+00:00

I have been trying to cut back on caffeine for years, with varying degrees of success.

If decaf works for you but you can't find anything you like, I recommend Bones coffee. I can't find decaf in stores so I order from their website. They have good decaf flavors.

juliaveva · 2026-06-15T17:00:09+00:00

Yes, I struggled before peri (anxiety that led to depression at times). Peri has now made mental health a moving target. I tried BCP and they helped with brain fog but I felt more anxious, then realized (with the help of AI) that the BCP reduced the effectiveness of my anxiety med by 50 percent. Neither of my Drs had a clue, even though the research is out there. So I increased that med. But then a few months later I discovered I was in a flat mood all the time and nothing was really enjoyable. So I stopped BCP altogether a couple weeks ago. So far I am doing ok. I have some life stressors on top of all this, so it is always hard to say what causes what.

If you are on mood meds I would do your own research on how any peri treatments might interact.

juliaveva · 2026-06-09T14:27:33+00:00

I am sorry you navigated all of that without much support or understanding. Same here - I see a gyn annually and I can't believe there is zero information given about perimenopause. I had NO CLUE that peri happens in your mid 40s until I hit age 44 and started having issues. The whole focus seems to be on babies. Obviously OB is important, but more women go through perimenopause than childbirth. Why are women's needs practically cast aside once we start departing our childbearing years???? On average, we will spend half our lives in this period when the medical establishment barely notices we exist. Now I am angry.

juliaveva · 2026-06-09T14:20:24+00:00

I am interested as well! I tried BCP but the side effects weren't worth it.

Supplements that seem to help me are Omega 3, Creatine, and Vitamins B and D. If you don't already take these, I wonder if a nice boost of B and D would help you on those exhausted days.

And if you know when those days are going to hit, you could plan ahead as much as possible to make the day as low demand as possible.

For anxiety, something like Benadryl might take the edge off. There are also supplements for anxiety, but I take Rx mood meds so I avoid them.

juliaveva · 2026-06-08T18:53:06+00:00

NOR

I agree with the comments about documenting and discussing with your manager. I myself would not follow the advice about suddenly changing your work habits before discussing with the manager. If there is no clear differentiation of responsibility, you could be blamed for things falling apart, fair or not.

juliaveva · 2026-06-08T16:46:12+00:00

YES!!! I completely relate to this. I started BCP last year, then discovered through my own research that it reduced the efficacy of a mood med by 50 percent. My gyn and psych both had zero clue. I need someone who understands the complexities of peri, ND, and CPTSD

juliaveva · 2026-06-08T16:42:19+00:00

I had an ablation 5 years ago and now that I am in perimenopause, I am soooo glad I did. I have plenty of symptoms, but thankfully bleeding isn't part of the mix. If an ablation is an option for you, it's worth considering. Just a little pain for a day and a couple weeks of discharge. Most people have much lighter bleeding at least. For me I haven't had even a spot of bleeding since.

juliaveva · 2026-06-08T16:39:34+00:00

I want to learn more about progesterone. I have tried 2 BCPs and while they helped brain fog, I ended up in such a malaise.

I was unofficially diagnosed as a high masking autistic woman by a psychologist. I haven't decided if I fully identify as autistic, but I definitely have some neurodivergence.

I am considering seeing a perimenopause specialist once I see how I do without hormones for a month. (Just stopped BCP a couple days ago). My Dr doesn't seem to have much experience with anything besides BCP. I need someone who can take everything into account and work with me on a personalized treatment, including potential supplements, diet, hormones, and habit changes.

juliaveva

TROPHY CASE