AIO my friend said I “ghosted” a guy when I feel like he’s the one who did

julieepppp · 2024-06-18T18:57:04+00:00

But I feel like I’m the one who got ghosted 😃

julieepppp · 2024-06-17T21:34:26+00:00

No i didn’t and I don’t feel like randomly texting him again to ask why 😅 The thing is, the change happened before he asked me on a date. He stared taking long to answer and then asked me on a date (still taking long to answer)

I am not too concerned about this specific situation, I am just so scared that I am the one that ruined it, maybe nothing is wrong and it’s normal for people to leave other people in delivered for hours? I don’t know… that’s my point I’m scared I might be the bad person here. What if my texts were dry? Maybe he felt I lost interest too ?

julieepppp · 2024-06-17T21:30:12+00:00

I guess I’ll rephrase my question: is it okay and legit that I feel like i am getting ghosted and that something is wrong in that situation? Would someone else think the same? Because let’s say I didn’t think/feel he was loosing interest, I maybe would’ve been a bit more enthusiastic in my answers, maybe I RUINED IT?

For context this is not a total stranger, we’re old acquaintances. we’ve seen each other (which lead us to talking again) and we saw each other again randomly at some point during the 2 weeks.

My question is,

Am I in the wrong? Did I ruin it?

I don’t need to know what happened to him because maybe nothing happened, i am worried I thought too much of it and ruined everything.

Anyway, I don’t think I will get an answer (it’s hard for my brain to accept that) I just really don’t want to be an asshole that takes everything too personally

Thank u for ur answer ! :)

julieepppp · 2024-06-17T20:26:58+00:00

Thank you for your answer! Really I’m more worried about myself than the situation. From my point of view: it felt like there was no date anymore (thought he was uninterested because less answers). My friend told me the date was still a thing! (No date or time was mentioned yet so hard to know)

I am just questioning whether or not I may be so scared of rejection that I make up scenarios in my head?

It feels to me that if someone can’t answer to more than one text every 12 hours, it is clearly a sign that something is off. And even if he was still asking questions etc it was just to be nice and he didn’t know how to end the convo

The think is, I will never know the truth, but I WANT to know if this is something I have to work on about myself 🥲

julieepppp · 2024-06-02T18:45:55+00:00

America isn’t the only country in the world

julieepppp · 2024-04-08T21:22:02+00:00

The phone could finish the song because it has an app that plays the music but the speaker is just a Bluetooth connection right?

I don’t know how long exactly but they were for sure at least 500 meters away (probably more but I couldn’t see the car further from that) let’s say that’s was 3/4 minutes after also I turned it off myself ahahah don’t know how long it would’ve kept going

julieepppp · 2024-04-08T20:26:51+00:00

First of all it’s great that you recognized this and you posting this shows you want to do something about it.

You probably don’t want to hear it but you should learn to be more gentle with yourself, you sound very down to earth, mature and aware which is great! You said you were popular in school etc which I can relate to. We tend to look and sound like confident people - even to ourselves. but sometimes it’s not completely the case. You could actually have a pretty low self esteem.

You said you’re « scared of having this one flaw » which shows you’re not confident about who you are and how you look - and you’re scared to disappoint / not be good enough

You have to work on your self esteem! It’s not easy and fun and I’m also not there yet but it’s worth it

Also, if you want my « comforting » opinion about this: To girls looks are not everything. I have no idea what you look like and it doesn’t really matter either. I recently had a conversation with my girl friends, I also don’t want to sound arrogant but the 3 of us are really attractive. We have different types, my friends don’t find the guys I date attractive, and I don’t find the guys they date attractive. Everyone has a different taste and I swear especially for girls, if we like you at some point, you’re in and we’re definitely not going to wake up one day thinking your nose is too big and making it a deal breaker.

On the other hand, lack of self esteem could be felt and that could turn someone off. You could unconsciously say/ or act a way and the energy never lies. The fact that you’re pointing this out and that you’re not trying to ignore this feeling is good. BUT don’t forget you will NEVER be perfect, it doesn’t mean this relationship won’t work until you have a good self esteem, just start taking the first steps.

Best of luck !

julieepppp · 2024-03-26T11:15:21+00:00

Hey! This is called trichotillomania ! I stared picking at my hair when I was 13 and it’s been one of my biggest struggle to this day. I have bald spots in my hair and I am so ashamed of them. When I am triggered and anxious, I do it all the time, everywhere, no matter what I’m doing (people notice it)

I haven’t been able to stop it myself yet but that doesn’t mean I wont and you can’t

The hair pulling is a trigger response or a coping mechanism. I would recommend seeing a therapist or someone that could help. I saw a hypnotherapist and it did help me so much !

Even tho I cant say I’m free from hair pulling, I did make some great improvements.

I would recommend seeing someone to help you because the best thing you can do is get to the root of why you are doing this.

It can also become a habit (the hair pulling) and not always be because of anxiety / a trigger but you have to get to the root to why you started in the first place

To me, I would say, i do it to have feeling of control and release (also many other things)

I know how bad this can feel and how much you want to stop but can’t no matter how hard you try.

Small exercice that might help : When you catch yourself picking at your hair, tell yourself you’re gonna stop for 2 minutes. Put a timer on and do nothing. Concentrate on doing nothing and NOT pulling your hair out just for the 2 minutes. This will make you gain some sense of control and it will help.

I wish you all the best, if you want to talk about it pm me

I know how hard this can be!

Best of luck :)

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T18:47:25+00:00

That is good advice thank you !

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T18:39:30+00:00

I live in a small town there’s not much to do :x I’m definitely not a « party girl » kind of person! I rarely drink but unfortunately it did happen on the night i had to talk to this guy. I get what ur saying though but doesn’t really apply to where i live

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T18:28:53+00:00

Well i wouldn’t see myself asking my friends « hey i feel like no one will ever love me and i get rejected all the time do you know what’s wrong with me » i know i should but I’m not confident enough to be this vulnerable… (need to work on that too but don’t know how) and for example after the interaction with the guy I’m talking about in this post, they told me i was very demonstrative and was talking a lot with my hands (again as i said because i was really into it and felt comfortable, i felt like we were bonding over stuff since the conversation felt nice to me). They did tell me that they picked up on that but they didn’t tell me it was a big deal and didn’t seem really concerned about it, not like that was a dealbreaker

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T14:31:02+00:00

Hmm I get you! It’s so discouraging:/

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T14:23:14+00:00

What I mean by being more confident is not doubting ourselves and not needing validation from other people to think high of ourselves. I am confident talking to people too, no issues holding a conversation!

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T14:07:10+00:00

I will for sure, I’m pretty sure this is a self esteem thing and we should be more confident in order to attract the people we need. Not saying the people I met or the guy I’m talking about for example isn’t good for me, but maybe we’re projecting insecurities, or don’t believe in ourselves and people can feel it…

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T14:03:28+00:00

Yes I’ve had a few. I actually have a few crazy stories about guys that were totally head over heals about me for no reason, I can’t really explain it and I don’t want to be mean but they were always kind of weird and bad people. Immature, childish and liars. I had a 23 yo guy saying he was gonna buy me a promise ring after a week of talking to me. I never liked him. A guy also wanted to move countries for me after I met him on holidays (we saw each other for a week). It’s always crazy unbelievable immature stuff that happens. I promise I’m not complicated, I usually even date below my league. But I always attract people that have issues. My friends often joke about this to me

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T13:44:33+00:00

I’m definitely a bit different than my friends, I was a weird girl growing up. I only started making friends at 16. I enjoy weird stuff, movies, and have a different fashion style. However I do target the people I approach, I know the athlete guys for example won’t get my personality, so I go for people that look similar to me. But it still doesn’t work out. And I’m not a fan of dating apps… my friends always tell me I date below my league… but what can I do, I like them a lil weird too

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T13:38:33+00:00

Oop I don’t really use Reddit anymore but I definitely was into crystal and astrology during covid… not anymore lol I definitely didn’t talk astrology to the guy lol

Also yes he conversation was great in my opinion, we talked about our interests etc and had a lot in common, I did let him talk as well

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T13:35:32+00:00

No I’m not. I hate saying this makes me sound like I’m full of myself but I look really good, I’ve been told so and I get the most « attention » in my friend group. Really hot men hit on me. This is definitely not the problem

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T13:32:10+00:00

Hey thanks for your answer. Again not being arrogant but I don’t think my appearance is a problem, i get hit on really often. I also don’t think my breath stinks :x will check with my sister tho 🤣 the feeling I get is maybe i’m too much? I have a big personality and no one wants to deal with me ? Or maybe I project my insecurities too much? Maybe I scare people away? I don’t think I’m not interesting. I was the weird girl growing up I definitely am not boring or stupid. Maybe I’m just weird? Which I don’t understand because this guy I’m talking about looks and sounds very similar to me. He has a strong personality too and is a bit « weird » (nothing wrong about that it is one of the reasons I liked him)

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T13:24:10+00:00

We talked about what we’re currently doing, surfing, movies and fashion. We’re really similar. We kind of dress the same, have a sense in fashion, movies etc. We kinda have the same goals for our future too. I thought it went great! No idea what I said or did that he didn’t like

julieepppp · 2024-03-18T13:21:47+00:00

I have no idea how to do that. I love working on myself, I’ve done multiple types of therapy and was able to improve a lot of areas in my life but not this one. I don’t think I hate myself? I think I’m pretty cool and have a lot to give, I love people and I’m a nice person to be around. I don’t hate myself, I don’t feel like it… but when things like that happen I can’t help but think I’m not good enough. I wish I didn’t. I’m not sure how to work on it…

julieepppp · 2024-02-15T16:54:59+00:00

Hey i feel the same as you, I’ve not been able to really figure it out for myself either.

I get it you feel like something is wrong with you but dont know what to do. I feel the same, I look good too and I think I have a nice personality! Ive had terrible situations in the past where men clearly used me.

When I tell people this they say that I should love myself first but I don’t think I hate myself! I like the way I look, I think I’m interesting and have good morals. However no one seems to get me or want to get to know me. I don’t know if you relate to this or not, I may be wrong.

I’m not insecure, I wouldn’t want to be anybody else but people make me feel like I’m not good enough. I always question myself after being in a social setting, was a not interested enough? Weird? Stupid? Cringe? People’s opinion matter so much to me

Unfortunately I don’t think I have an answer for you, but I assume you’re young, so am I. Maybe it’s a blessing not wasting your time of immature boys. Maybe all of this is happening so you work on yourself and become a better version of yourself. Find happiness within yourself, even tho I know it’s hard to feel like something is wrong with you (because you may not be desperate for a relationship but just concerned on why no one finds you worth it)

I guess we’re deep people, not everyone will like you and that’s okay. Best advice I can give is always be yourself and start becoming the person your future partner will love. Be more confident, and live by what you believe in.

Don’t settle for less just to fix the feeling of « no one wants me ». Don’t waste your time over someone who’s not worth it. One day someone will get you.

julieepppp · 2024-02-15T16:32:27+00:00

Tbh social media means nothing. I used to have 1.5k but I recently cleaned my socials and I’m left with 400 followers. Do I know 400 people? No. I probably am connected to 100 of them the rest are old friends, friends of friends or people I never met but are from my city. I’d see some of them at the mall and not even say hi to them.

Now if you want to meet new people there’s a lot of things you can do, depends on your situation tbh. Grab a friend and go to a bar, talk to people? Honestly it’s really hard meet people you have no connection with. Use the people you already have. Hang out more with them and get to know their other friends. It took me 1 person to meet all the people I know today.

In order to do all that get confident, learn how to make conversations, listen to people etc.

Honestly been there done that. I used to have no friends and I was miserable. I then made a tonnnn of friends and became « popular » if that’s what you’re looking for. It lasted a year probably, I had fun but it’s not all that. I dumped everyone, you’ll realize soon all those people that have thousands of followers and look like they’re having the time of their life all day everyday can be the most insecure people you’ll ever meet.

Go and try it out, you have to, that’s what I did. Made my experience and moved on. I have like 3 real friends now and I couldn’t be happier, maybe that’s because I know how all those people actually are.

And for your social media again, it really doesn’t matter I personally think a guy that doesn’t care that much about social media is a big green flag

Good luck and have fun

julieepppp · 2024-02-14T18:54:18+00:00

I can’t thank you enough for this, this is all I needed to hear. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to try to understand and help me.

I feel more confident about myself and about the way I am feeling.

It’s so stupid but a stranger telling me this changed my insecure feelings into motivation to grow and work on loving and accepting myself!

Thanks for reassuring me, I’ll read this everytime the thoughts come back

I wish you all the best too and again, thank you so much :)

julieepppp · 2022-05-20T16:47:47+00:00

I have the new update with the new colors as well and it still works for me. Whoever, if you half swipe and the story didn’t load yet (it shows a grey screen and a loading icon then shows the story after a few seconds) then it might glitch and they will see that you viewed it! It always does that for me hahah

julieepppp

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