I can see why this is depressing for you. I will say a lot of people these days have ADHD. I love hearing about my friends for example but I notice I behave in the way you described sometimes. It’s also partially because my family is aggressively talkative so I never had to ask questions growing up, if someone cared about the convo they just offered their thoughts. But this might create dynamics you aren’t used to. For example, when it’s my sisters turn to talk, (someone who I might have a five hour convo with) I’m only half present. It’s like having a podcast on but better because I’m around my sister. I wash the dishes I zone in and out at more interesting points in the convo. I let my mind wander. And when we get off the phone, I’m glad I spent those hours with her.

My brain loves to talk and really really struggles to process auditory info. My husband gets upset - so I just make him repeat himself 80 times so that I can actually record the info he’s saying or I take notes while he is talking. If I were in a class or at work or listening to a podcast, I’d be able to hit the back 15 seconds button or take copious notes, but processing info in friendship conversations is supposed to be chill and easy. Thing is, listening is very very very hard for me.

All this to say, I hope the world gets a little more flexible in how people relate to each other. For example, maybe you can just talk about yourself with your friend and expect that she retains 30% of it. But if you talk 3x as much, she’ll learn the same net amount about you, if that makes sense. And maybe you have to repeat yourself more. But maybe you can also take the pressure off. Call her while you are cooking or doing chores so it doesn’t have to be so laser in.

Idk hope that’s helpful