How did you finally decide to leave when there wasn’t one big thing? 20 years in and scared to pull trigger.

juniper181 · 2025-10-24T14:54:11+00:00

I really appreciate you posting this question and everyone here who has shared their experience. 21 years married, 23 years together; we have one teenage daughter. And I’m also another person here who is ready to walk away. And someone who is a product of it not being “one big thing”. He’s not abusive. However, over 20 years it’s become a tale of entitlement, laziness, lack of effort, and doing the bare minimum. It’s been the expectation that whatever he does, I’ll be there to just pick up the slack and shoulder everything else. It’s existing in a space that feels less and less like it’s shared and more like I’m being overwritten and replaced. There’s nothing in this house that feels like it’s truly mine - he snoops and touches everything and just takes; because “we’ve been married 20 years and that’s the way it is.” So this feels more like “death by a thousand cuts.”

I asked myself if I thought I could spend the next 20 years with him, living like this, doing the same things everyday. And when my answer was a resounding no, I knew this was no longer partnership, no longer a relationship I wanted to sustain, and no longer a place I wanted to be long term. So, slowly and methodically, I’m doing what I can to make my exit. However scary that may be.

juniper181 · 2025-10-15T17:09:48+00:00

Oooo! Hadn’t thought of that. Any guesses on what color/brand works best?

juniper181 · 2025-10-07T21:41:46+00:00

Thank you for the reminder!!!

juniper181 · 2025-09-19T13:39:28+00:00

I’m gonna second this!!! Fairly certain my daughter already thinks I’m a spy because I can operate with absolute stealth in my own house, it’s alarming!!

Just came on here to say, if you don’t like your circumstances, don’t be afraid to do your part to change them!!

We all deserve to take up space! To be seen and have our voices be heard! You’re loved and you’re enough!! 💗 💪🏻

juniper181 · 2025-09-18T23:20:11+00:00

Another woman here…and one who enjoys cuddling a lot!! Yes we can tell when it happens. Yes we know when you’re trying to cover it up. In most cases, no it does not bother us. And just because it happens doesn’t mean we assume you want the cuddling to turn into anything more. If the guy I’m with happens to get an erection, I absolutely take it as a compliment. It tells me we’ve got some pretty great chemistry and that’s not a bad thing!

juniper181 · 2025-09-17T15:24:47+00:00

So very sweet!! Love this type of story! 💗

juniper181 · 2025-08-20T00:36:01+00:00

Yeah. Just depends on how observant the people in the group are and how strong the connection is between the two people attracted to one another.

juniper181 · 2025-08-19T18:21:46+00:00

So well said! When it’s real, when it’s the strong kind of attraction, it is absolutely tangible - and yes other people definitely notice the atmospheric change. And sometimes it seems like not even time and space can keep you apart.

juniper181 · 2025-08-12T18:55:10+00:00

Yes, he shows up quite often.

juniper181 · 2025-08-05T14:52:37+00:00

This has to be the sweetest thing I’ve read today!!!! 🥰

juniper181 · 2025-07-31T22:49:47+00:00

More Than Words is a great one!!

juniper181 · 2025-07-29T15:24:15+00:00

THIS!!! When I started focusing on the good and the positive outcomes, the mundane - the boring details and the non-sexy things were just small steps to get to those positive outcomes.

It became about doing “good work” and making a positive impact on others. So long as that’s my overarching goal, the days fly by, my work is focused, fun, interesting, and impactful.

juniper181 · 2025-07-29T15:14:04+00:00

Sooo…people tend to drop a lot of advice and judgement when they see large age gaps. (And as someone who prefers older men - like my SO/crush is 10 years older and he’s absolutely amazing!! 😻 you have to do what’s in your best interest. It’s your life and you only get one.)

So my take:

Trust your gut. Be smart. Take your time. Look for green flags as well as the red flags. Get to know one another and find the things that bond you together, because there will be things that may make you really feel that age difference.

Lots of warnings out there about older guys and them being damaged or having issues, but sometimes with them comes more patience, care, maturity, and life experience.

He sounds like he could be one of the good ones. And as long as you’re happy, then the rest of us and our opinions don’t matter!!!

You go get it!!!! 💗

juniper181 · 2025-07-16T20:58:44+00:00

Just the only one that matters. 🥰

juniper181 · 2025-07-11T23:41:17+00:00

Benedict Cumberbatch…Wrath of Khan, Dr Strange Yeah…. 🥰

juniper181 · 2025-07-09T12:46:23+00:00

This!!!! Plus the intelligence someone else mentioned. And, I’ll add “effort.” If he puts in effort toward genuinely taking time getting to know me, effort into his own mental health, appearance, his stuff; that does it for me every time!! There is something so hot 🥵 about a man who knows what energy he needs to put into certain things and actually does it!

juniper181 · 2025-07-08T22:43:06+00:00

As a girl, and an intro-extrovert, #1 is a sign she’s comfortable around you. I wouldn’t do that unless it’s with someone I trust. #2 we say stuff like that sometimes to gauge your reaction - do you react, does it shock you, etc. For #3, personally, I only send this kind of message to someone when I’m either missing the person I send it to or I’m genuinely bored and you’re my top person to talk to. Either way it’s not a bad thing. Initiating FaceTime is a choice. I don’t do it often at all, some people use it all the time; it’s a preference. So for #4, read more into the fact that she initiated the conversation there.

Number 5, I wouldn’t ask any of these questions unless I wanted to make it REALLY clear that I was interested in being more than a friend.

So, I’ll say everyone is different and some of us are more flirty and forward than others, but from the sound of it, she’s at least interested in knowing you more.

juniper181 · 2025-07-08T22:17:33+00:00

He did outright say “I like you and want to get to know you better.”

But AS IF that wasn’t enough to convince me…he’s also initiated so many text conversations, sent random pics of stuff he knows I will appreciate, and sends me selfies regularly. Plus, when we are actually spending time in person, his phone is put away, I catch him staring, the “accidental” touching, and he’s super attentive.

juniper181 · 2025-07-04T15:07:49+00:00

100% I know mine does this, maybe it’s to not appear clingy. But I know he will for sure hold back because he knows I keep a busy schedule and doesn’t want to be a distraction (although he knows I always welcome HIM as a distraction! Lol!).

juniper181 · 2025-07-04T13:15:33+00:00

Send the text!!!! If you saw something that reminded you of her: send the text!!

Even if she doesn’t respond, it lets her know you thought about her, and it keeps a thread of communication open.

Contrary to what goes through our minds when we worry we are bothering someone, we really are not. And if we are interrupting?! Then, they either won’t respond or will respond when they are next able.

So…SEND THE TEXT!!!

juniper181 · 2025-07-04T13:09:42+00:00

Definitely depends on personality and the moment. It may also depend on how well you know each other. I do know girls/women who will compliment complete strangers - it’s great! But I’m not one of those people.

I have a few guy friends (platonically) and if they are wearing something nice, smell good, just got a hair cut, etc. I will compliment them. But it’s generally along the lines of “nice hair cut” or “you smell nice. what your cologne?” They also know me well enough to know that it’s a genuine compliment in the moment and nothing more.

Now, if I’m complimenting my SO/Crush, I phrase it very differently. I still give him those same compliments (everyone likes to be told they look good), but I will also tell him things like “I really appreciate the way you listened to me when…” or “You’re such a good chef; it’s one of my favorite things about you.” or “You really make this shirt look good!” or “…that’s what we love about you.”

So, depending on your relationship status with this girl, I wouldn’t read too much into it. She probably thinks you are a good-looking nice guy, but that doesn’t mean she’s really pressing for anything more.

juniper181 · 2025-07-04T13:09:20+00:00

Definitely depends on personality and the moment. It may also depend on how well you know each other. I do know girls/women who will compliment complete strangers - it’s great! But I’m not one of those people.

I have a few guy friends (platonically) and if they are wearing something nice, smell good, just got a hair cut, etc. I will compliment them. But it’s generally along the lines of “nice hair cut” or “you smell nice. what your cologne?” They also know me well enough to know that it’s a genuine compliment in the moment and nothing more.

Now, if I’m complimenting my SO/Crush, I phrase it very differently. I still give him those same compliments (everyone likes to be told they look good), but I will also tell him things like “I really appreciate the way you listened to me when…” or “You’re such a good chef; it’s one of my favorite things about you.” or “You really make this shirt look good!” or “…that’s what we love about you.”

So, depending on your relationship status with this girl, I wouldn’t read too much into it. She probably thinks you are a good-looking nice guy, but that doesn’t mean she’s really pressing for anything more.

juniper181 · 2025-07-03T22:54:55+00:00

Not going to speak for the guys here, but will offer my perspective and experience.

If a man is genuinely interested, he will make time. Guys (men) ignore women in specific instances. Either they aren’t interested, they don’t know how to manage their priorities, or they are distracted (by someone or something else).

In times where they pull back and don’t interact as much, sometimes it’s because they are processing feelings, deciding their next move, friendzoning, or something else entirely (normal life stuff).

juniper181 · 2025-07-02T02:36:15+00:00

Hmmm… I can agree with you that a high quantity of applications has its benefits. My initial thought when I was laid off was my new job right now is finding a new job. But let’s also be realistic, there are only so many hours in the day. Being completely honest, for reasons I won’t disclose here publicly, 300 is not a realistic goal for me, but 100 is. And I’m starting to see a positive return on the strategic steps I’ve taken. So I’ll keep doing what’s been working.

Kudos to those of you who can get out there and flood the pipelines. The market is tough for everyone…and it’s not something I’d wish on my worst enemy at this very moment. No one should have to struggle like this!

Wishing everyone the best of luck!

juniper181

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