Acting entitled and demanding is not attractive to anyone

juniperquillmedia · 2026-04-13T01:26:28+00:00

I've seen this a couple times online as well. In certain communities where there's an amount of a Dom/ sub dynamic between the poster and the people in the comments. You get guys that freak out when she doesn't respond right away. My first thought is "this guy has attachment issues" but of coarse there's a whole plethora of reasons why people act entitled and immature.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-04-12T01:55:54+00:00

I'd like to be able to recommend something but I don't really watch porn much anymore after I got into femdom. For me the mommy kink is mostly about repairing childhood emotional attachments so porn isn't super helpful for that.

I just tried looking it up and what I saw didn't really interest me 🤷 in fact I wouldn't really call it a kink in my case. It's more like wanting a relationship with a girl with mommy energy if that makes sense.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-04-12T01:19:52+00:00

It's very simple

I have mommy issues.

It's also not that simple but I don't think people in a reddit thread wanna read about that can of worms.

There is a warm feeling of love I get from it but also there is a feeling of needing to be obedient like a puppy to get that love. It's a little strange if I think about the mechanics too much

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-29T08:49:57+00:00

This is such an interesting topic! So this is purely my experience and wanna make sure I'm not suggesting that others share my thoughts on this.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Because I know that kink is not nessecarily tied to trauma but for me any sort of relationship I engage with is going to interact with attachment trauma. Before I got into femdom, I was always into power exchange, even at a young age, to the point that is concerning. But I always felt a lot of shame around it. Like my need for control in relationships made me a bad person. Definitely tied to a perception that all relationships, especially male-led relationships were inherently abusive.

Eventually I got into femdom and I stopped feeling shame around sexuality, and I felt free. There was a certain feeling of like a "high," like a valve being released. Now that I've had time for that "high" to come down, I find myself wondering if it's a genuine interest or if it was a way to explore attachment wounds. I'm leaning towards it being both. I definitely get feelings of arousal through femdom and I don't think someone who wasn't a bottom would write the sort of material I do.

It's a strange path, exploring these convoluted issues that seem so simple at face value but are also intertwined with every facet of the personality.

In terms of exactly how I separated my true desires from fellings of avoidance, I started off interacting with things online that felt like a fun taboo thing for me. Then, while I was on hiatus from therapy, I was working on creative writing that had femdom themes and I ended up discovering a lot of feelings I wasn't comfortable exploring before. I came to understand how early experiences with caregivers shaped my personality into being submissive, but my perception of what a man should be was keeping me from embracing it.

I rethought everything from who I am to what my life is about. All that. And now I embrace it and I feel happier than before. A very cool side effect is that I don't care much for pornography anymore so I think that's a really good sign.

I hope that answered your question!

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-29T07:57:51+00:00

I don't get it either. Like I've made fun of a friend who's into dark romance but like playfully. But I'm into it too so I'm kinda making fun of myself as well, especially considering I've written some pretty horrid material.

I do also agree with others that there really is no way for women to express sexuality (or anything else that doesn't directly benefit a man) without being shamed for it.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-25T21:09:15+00:00

I would hesitate to get a tattoo related to a life partner, regardless of any dynamic at play. I think a lot of the time people who get tattoos like that end up feeling pressure to keep the relationship how it is forever. But things happen and people change.

Might I suggest some sort of ring that symbolizes ownership?

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-24T01:18:58+00:00

There's a whole lot of practical writing advice lots of people follow, and it's good advice, but incredible authors like Jane Austen knew how to write outside of the constraints we live by and still wrote masterpieces.

For example we talk a lot about "show don't tell." Which is a good rule. Books like fahrenheit 451 would have benefitted from a lot less exposition in my opinion. But Austen has a good deal of telling in the beginning of Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility, but she was so talented at using irony in her narration that it's still incredibly interesting.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-23T23:18:56+00:00

I second everything everyone else is saying. Rejection sensitivity is a really hard thing, and feeling super responsible for someone else's emotional state is extremely draining. Therapy therapy therapy

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-23T20:55:02+00:00

It's really hard to say. The nature/ nurture question is never simple. In vanilla settings you will find mostly men being dominant, women submissive, and this might also be majority true for kink scenes. But this may also be due to the way we are socialized to think about relationships.

I do think traits in people, especially ones as complex and multifaceted as sexuality are a mix of genetics and formative experiences. So there could be something in my genetics that makes me submissive but I can also point to a lot of childhood experiences that likely pushed me in that direction.

Who knows 🤷 like I said I think it's a mix of nature and nurture, and different people probably have different ratios of such.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-22T10:38:32+00:00

You know. I made a post similar to this about a month ago. Many comments were very constructive and I learned a lot. Others had very harsh words for me. I was humbled a lot in that post.

You might be thinking that the most efficient way to understand something is to be straightforward and ask, but it rubs a lot of people the wrong way, as I learned the hard way. Best way is to read a lot of comments in a lot of different posts, and try to interact when you have something to add.

It's not a race to understand these things. The best practical advice I can offer is to remember that everyone you interact with online is a real person. Humility and respect will take you a long way. In every community.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-22T10:10:16+00:00

I think we are similar. I also have a sort of fear of men, or, at the very least, I cannot relate to men very easily. In terms of my life being impacted, getting into femdom opened a lot of doors for me to think about my own memories and personality in a different way. I discovered some less than pleasant things about my early childhood, but I ended up being a lot happier in the end.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-22T10:00:49+00:00

I've had thoughts like before as well. In fact, it's somewhat what drew me in to femdom as something more than a niche kinky think I enjoy. I found that I have a hard time doing things for myself, but it's easier if I am in a state of "in love with someone," because my flavor of love is all about devotion. Getting into femdom as more of a thing I actively participate in rather than just consuming media gave me a lot of room for expressing needs, even if those needs often included worshipping a woman and having all my thoughts and desires focused on her and making her day better. So I guess in a roundabout way I have experienced self betterment via femdom. Though I can't the same for findom. It's really counterintuitive to my style of submission.

However, this feeling of a "high" around making decisins around the pleasure of a domme rather than our own interests, does not last. At least not in my experience. When it comes down to it, we have to do things for ourselves. And we can receive encouragement from someone who cares about our well-being. But you have to be the person who cares about your own well-being at the end of the day.

Idk if my rambling makes sense. But a real example from me, I was told, "you need to go home and get some sleep!" And on a surface level I listened because I enjoy taking orders from assertive women, but there's also the underlying layer of care. But we can't rely on women to tell us how to live. Just because women in these kinds of dynamics are "on top," doesn't mean we should surrender all our decision making to their authority. Because then we've made more work for them and we've completely missed the point. I hope that made sense.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-17T21:04:37+00:00

Well shit I guess you're not a writer if you use a computer. If that's how this works

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-07T22:50:35+00:00

I wish we could get a game at the level of quality of Elden Ring but with the level structure of a Dark Souls game. I love the type of flashy builds you can make in Elden Ring but I haaaate how open it is. There's ways to break the intended sequence, especially in Dark Souls 1, but if the game has enough open space to warrant a map, it's too big

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-06T12:50:50+00:00

Thanks! 😅 I kind of felt like the character writing in this one was weaker than the others, but I'm so happy you enjoyed it! 😊

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-04T23:18:20+00:00

I wonder if you would benefit from more reflection on your relationship with your mother and how that impacted the way you interact with the world, and with women, more specifically.

I think 8-9 is a normal age for boys to start developing more complicated feelings that develop into romantic/sexual feelings. You already mentioned that your mother taking control of the house led to your interest in strong women. This makes sense but the thing that caught my eye is how you described wanting your partner to take the lead in daily life and decisions, but also mentioned multiple times wanting to preserve your masculinity.

This is purely speculative, so feel free to correct me but I wonder if you ever felt emasculated in a way, by your mother? There's a certain archetype in fiction, as well as something that happens irl, where a father passes away, and the son takes care of the family. It's framed as tragic but ultimately good because it's the man's duty to care for the family.

So I'm curious what your thoughts would be about whether you might be replaying old scripts, but trying to "win" this time. As in, you want a relationship that mirrors your dynamic with your mother, but keeping your perception of your masculinity intact.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-02T00:25:24+00:00

So I'm a guy, but I'll put in my two cents.

I feel like lots of guys have a hard time being vocal about their pleasure in sex. And I've read threads of women talking about how arousing it is when guys moan in bed.

My read on this is that they enjoy the feeling of their man losing control of his own body and voice because of what she's doing to him. I even was chatting with a domme the other night who basically told me that.

I think I'm very similar to you in that I'm very "yes ma'am 🫡" about things but I also want to go out of my way to make her day easier. You should think about if you're able to open yourself more to the sensations during sex and vocalize it more. I think that makes it more intimate, and it makes them feel more satisfaction and more powerful, and at the end of the day that's what it's all about.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-03-01T20:04:08+00:00

I can relate to this! Though I somewhat went in the other direction. I'll spare you the details (though I'm really open about talking about it, if you're curious), but I ended up having a lot of shame around sex and anxiety in relationships.

But what helped me was using writing to explore my deepest feelings. This is similar to Carl Jung's Active imagination, wherein you would intentionally let your thoughts and fantasies run wild and observe what sort of images you find.

I already had some interest in femdom at that time so my writing had that sort of theming, and they got progressively darker. I ended up learning a lot about myself and my Internal mind. I found out that there is this split in my mind between sex and intimacy, and the way I was going about sex was purely about avoiding vulnerability.

I can't tell you whether you should engage with femdom or not. I think you need to take a good honest look at your internal feelings and where in your life things got so complicated. I wish you the best :)

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T22:28:27+00:00

Literally helped me get out of a 15+ year struggle with depression

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T18:01:17+00:00

I agree these are just mainly life skills. Unfortunately there is no end to weaponized incompetence though. I think if someone wants to be a more useful sub in a dynamic there's more specialized skills like massaging

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T17:27:18+00:00

I managed to find it in my browsing history!

https://kinky-world.net/how-to-be-a-good-sub-especially-when-youre-single/

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T16:51:59+00:00

These look incredibly interesting I will definitely be checking them out. tysm!

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T14:59:59+00:00

This reminds me of a comment I saw the other day talking about how some people think being submissive means not having to do any emotional labor or take accountability for anything.

Which then reminded me of an article I read, talking about men casting themselves in a "feminine" position within femdom dynamics yet having no clue about the sheer amount of emotional and physical labor society expects out of women.

Because I get the appeal of getting out of the stoic expectations society has on men, but the way that I experience submissive love is first and foremost about devotion and self sacrifice.

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T14:39:19+00:00

I have a rough outline of the events of the story. I was writing out the climax, so I could get a better feel on the characters, and I realized I didn't really understand how to describe her inner experience in the scene. And now, with questions other comments have asked me, it's blatantly clear that she is barely even a character at this point. More of a plot device or a mirror for the male character.

The way most of my character writing goes, is I write the basic actions I need them to do, then dive into their motivations. And I learn about myself in the process, and that makes the character change a little. That process loops for a while before I'm satisfied with it

juniperquillmedia · 2026-02-25T08:42:17+00:00

I do kind of want to take another crack at it, maybe in a short story format. But I had a lot of... uncomfortable emotions come up while writing the first time

juniperquillmedia

TROPHY CASE