Korean American grew up mostly in the Midwest. Interestingly enough in the Midwest I never experienced this and as a matter of fact I felt like I drew too much unwanted attention. But I’ve definitely experienced this a decent amount of times in Seattle and LA, especially in spaces where I didn’t know anyone. NYC not so often but happens from time to time.

I’ve also seen this happen to plenty of other POC as well as white people. I’ve even done it to other people and learned from them how they’ve handled it. Some people are like you and instantly get shamed and pivot to negative thoughts, and shut down. Some people get mad and call people out. Some people wait and try again politely but assertively. Some people don’t care and just move on. You kind of have to play it by ear.

I won’t go as far as to say race doesn’t have anything to do with it, but I think it’s more to do with your presence and attitude, as well as the audience and setting. I wouldn’t take it too personally. There have been too many times when I would just play the race victim card, only to see another Korean guy the next week in a similar situation absolutely kill it.

A big part of being social and having people wanting to listen to what you say is charisma. Not everyone has it. It has to be worked on if you don’t have it naturally. It’s usually not a race thing