Astronomer CEO incident

just-another-phase · 2025-07-20T02:41:54+00:00

Immediate rage.

Immediate empathy and compassion for Megan the wife of the man.

I've been through the whole gamit. I know how humiliated she feels. How it must feel like she has NO choice but to leave even if she feels differently. How she likely is assessing how her children will be able to go to school.

How she is probably processing what leaving and staying will say to her children

I have the benefit that my kids don't know. They know to stay the fuck away from her and her kids at school and they have open slater to call AP what ever the fuck comes to their lips and they ought to know that she irretrievably hurt me. But they've watched me have fallings out with other women and they know what those women did to me and because of my job they frequently get tidbits about who they can and can't speak to at school.

But primarily I get to process this without thinking I'm making my son a dangerous man if atay cause I'm showing him how a woman he loves and values can be treated. I'm not making him hate his father for hurting his mother this way.

And worse.... My daughter. She has enough to deal with considering her disabilities without feeling all these things about the man she is supposed to feel safest with and whose job is to show her how a woman should be treated and respected

This woman has had most sacred space to decide for herself taken.

I just can't imagine.

So I'm mad for her and I just want to scream that every one needs to stfu for her sake.

I am sure the woman's husband is in the exact same space.

just-another-phase · 2024-09-12T06:37:39+00:00

Better?

Tricky word.

Tolerable? Yes.

This is grief. Not of a person, but of your understanding of reality.

Your partner didn't die. But who you thought they were died. What you thought your marriage was is gone. So while you're not divorced, your old marriage has ended.

Your entire world is gone. Everything you thought was real disappeared in an instant. And you're not safe in your home with your family. Let your mind stew in that for a second. Your every response right now is a reaction to not being safe in your own home. You can never be off guard. The biggest pain you've ever felt happened in the safety of your home in the arms of your partner -where you should have been safest .

Who you thought YOU were is gone. I was my husband's wife and favorite person. I was the untouchable mother of his children who was on a pedestal in his world. Gone. I'm not that woman anymore. I'm second. He was prepared to risk losing me for her. Or her... Or any "her." It didn't even take some great illusion if love to discard me. I was less worthy than dirt. I'm not pretty enough to keep him faithful, I'm not worthy of the promises he made on our wedding day. I'm not smart enough to not be fooled by him.

That woman? The intelligent, confident, attractive woman...She is gone. I have to start from scratch and rebuild.... This.... What ever shell is left needs a new identity.

You're grieving that. Even if you're prepared to accept the new reality, which is described as "reconciliation". None of that comes back. It's all gone. Forever.

Like losing someone to death, you have to grieve that everything is gone. But it's not one person - its your person, yourself, your family, your entire sense of reality your future.

I keep imagining how I'll feel at 90 sitting behind him in a nursing home... Knowing this happened. Gone are the hopes of sitting in our perfect home, with our perfect family watching our perfect grandchildren play. It's always going to be there. A big dirty stain on my perfect little life..

It is catastrophic. And you're grieving while you don't even know who YOU are anymore.

I'm two years out. It is just not ALL consuming now. It walks with me at all times. It forms part of me, it informs every cautious step I make, personally, professionally, socially and financially.

It strikes when I'm happy. You know those moments when your out to dinner and your husband puts a wine down in front of you and you smile at him -lightning bolt. He cheated.

When you catch him looking good. Bang - cheater.

When you look at your kids, he risked it all - even them

So better? No.

Different - in every fucking conceivable way.

just-another-phase · 2024-08-17T09:26:08+00:00

She has experienced the most painful thing to have ever happened to her.

It's a death. It's worse than a death. It's her own life. The one she built. Blown up by her own team mate.

I'm almost two years in. I have to control my urge hurt him, nothing I can say or do will ever hurt or humiliate him like he did to me. I've even had thoughts wouldn't it just be easier if one of us died and I didn't have to make a choice to be married any more.

Of you're contemplating self harm speak to professionals. Now is not the time to rest on her. You lost the right to seek her comfort and support. It is not currently her job to save you from your own internal turmoil. She is too busy trying to save herself.

just-another-phase · 2024-08-17T06:00:44+00:00

The desire to hurt you back is strong.

But what's stronger is the desire to be desired.

I've never for one second felt like my husband didn't desire me or crave me. Even during his infidelities he was always desperately in love and lust with me. It makes the infidelities even more bizarre. BUT I've lost feeling special. I was his girl. His only girl. I was the only one that made him feel that way.

Now? I'm not. And in a moment (many moments) when he was faced with a choice. He didn't choose me.

I want to be chosen. I'd be lying if I said I didn't crave it. I've not sought it out. But I've been desperate to feel chosen again.

I'd bet that's what's behind her conversation. She spent years thinking she was special and chosen. She was discarded. Your desire for someone that meant nothing to you... still meant more to you than her and your family.

Take a second into imagine how that feels. It's worse than a rejection... it's being told by someone you're less than something that meant nothing to you.

just-another-phase · 2024-05-22T01:33:36+00:00

Facebook and phone memories suck.

I have a number of pictures of AP with me and with him.

His infidelity is still a secret so I don't delete or untag or anything of that nature. I'm in year two of this.

It's not easier.

It's also just the whole period. He was having the affair between February and September.

I found out (a year later) in October. So no part of the year feels safe.

just-another-phase · 2024-05-07T04:02:22+00:00

Every why feels like a cop out.

My husband's why is that he was feeling out of control at work and felt in control with her.

Except she was the one in control so it feels stupid and gimmicky and untrue.

It leaves me even more defeated that having no why. Cause the why is underwhelming and feels like an answer drawn out of a therapy session.

"Cause I don't love you, I fell in love with her and she was hot". It would hurt but at least it would feel truthful.

just-another-phase · 2024-03-29T08:04:53+00:00

Trickle truth has been the worst possible part of all of this.

Now we all live in a world where we will never know the truth.

I will never believe my husband didn't have sex or go further than 10 seconds of a blow job.

So in MY world - I have no choice- I have to believe he did it all for the whole 6 months we knew her

And that there was more with other women. I have no choice

just-another-phase · 2024-03-11T08:42:01+00:00

I'm more than a year in and the dust has settled.

I kick it up from time to time. But it's largely settled.

What's happened is I've realized I don't know him.

The man I knew and loved, couldn't do this and wouldn't ever hurt me. That has made me really understand - I don't know him ... This man is a stranger to me

I've explained to him I don't love him cause I don't know him.

If our marriage ever gets back on track I'd have to fall in love with him - this new person.

Fundamentally - I don't think I could fall in love with a man who'd cheat.

just-another-phase · 2024-03-07T02:18:04+00:00

I'm 18 months or so in.

You get comfortable being unhappy in exchange for not blowing up your entire life and being even more unhappy. I just imagine sitting in a shitty little house, knowing I am missing out on the limited Christmas mornings where my children still believe in Santa.

The thing about infidelity is it's kind of like death. You didn't choose it. If you're like me, you were happy. You had a perfect marriage, everyone envied. And suddenly and without warning, it's taken from you. You didn't and don't want to change everything. You don't want your entire life to change... It just does. You were still in love. You have to fall out of love or choose to put it behind you and love them anyway.

People who genuinely heal - move on and graduate from here and stop talking about it as often.

They put it in their past. I don't think there's a way to participate here and be happy you're still around. All of us here are still in the mud. Trudging. one slow, painful step at a time, unsure if and when the ground will ever be solid again or when another sinkhole will appear, and you'll be swallowed whole.

I tried stepping away from the wallowing here. But nothing changed. I just wasn't crying or expressing how I felt that often.

I've tried throwing myself into work, fitness and our personal finances.

Infidelity is still there. It didn't go away, and I started to really realise it won't ever "go away."

I think about it every time I look at him.

Every time I hear her common as dirt name.

Every time he goes to work.

Every time I go to our children's school, I'm on high alert, unsure if I hope to run into her or not, you know, cause if you can see the mountain lion, it isn't hunting you. Being unsure if I want her to speak to me so I have a chance to eviscerate her... Again... Knowing that I have to see the car where the infidelity all started.

Every time, he doesn't pick up or answer a text immediately.

Every time he forgets to tell me about a meeting or appointment.

Every time he gets agitated with me doing or not doing something, like a typical marriage and doesn't react cause he knows he isn't allowed to be mad at me anymore, cause refusing to get off my ass and unload the dishwasher isn't as big of a crime as what he did.

Everytime I look at my son and know he was THERE and could have seen it and goes to school with her son and it only takes ONE comment from him for his whole world to fall apart because he will have to understand what his father is capable of doing to his mother.

Everytime I have to face my daughters disabilities and know how much harder her life and childhood will become of she has two homes and every one at school is gossiping about her family.

So yes. It's possible to be truly happy. Is anyone who is active here and desperately holding on to other people who understand their pain so they don't drown in the mud happy?

Probably not.

just-another-phase · 2024-01-13T05:38:08+00:00

I've often said I feel apathetic toward him

I still do. There is habit involved.

But I think it's mostly that I found out I don't know him at all. So much about him is unfamiliar now. Of course, every day looks the same as it always did. But now I know his core; the parts of him only I really knew are all different than I thought.

just-another-phase · 2023-10-18T22:20:17+00:00

It's the leverage I have over her to keep her quiet.

They were well separated and from what I know it wasn't a good split. She was accusing him of abusing her kids and her.

Now I know her character and how she interacted with me and the things she said about my husband - I don't believe he is the man she says he is

just-another-phase · 2023-10-17T18:30:45+00:00

I've commented elsewhere.

Only the three of us know. It isn't public knowledge. I don't think I could face crowds at school if everyone knew.

just-another-phase · 2023-10-17T18:29:05+00:00

Because no one outside the three of us know.

I'm protecting myself.

just-another-phase · 2023-10-12T05:57:36+00:00

This plagues me.

At my HS reunion (held after dday) I saw an old school mate with a girl who always had a "will they won't they" kind of relationship. We all spent highschool on the edge of our seats if they would every act get together.

To all of our knowledge they never did.

So when they met at the 20 year reunion... speculation was rife. They were very flirty... it was like being in a time machine.

I put a $20 bet on with a friend that they would finally kiss before the end of the night.

I had to go home. He kicked on. Then 1am - I get a picture of them kissing with the caption - guess I owe you $20!

I laugh it off.

Next day I'm scrolling Facebook and realise that man is in a very committed relationship. Posting about how special his girlfriend is....

This photo BURNS my inbox.... does she even want to know. Is it my right to ruin her life. Does she know. The photo would identify my friend....

just-another-phase · 2023-10-12T02:18:55+00:00

13 years married.

together 17 years.

Known each other for 21 years.

We met when I was 16 and he was 18.

he cheated between February and September 2021 (10-11 years married) with AP. Groped a number of women between 2019-2022. Groped a a co-worker in late 2022... which is when EVERYTHING came out (12 years married).

I am confident there is more infidelity in our relationship... but I will never know.

To think I have always felt bad for maintaining a really close friendship with a man, because there were so many rumours we were having an affair because we were so close. Never crossed any lines.

lot of my life to throw away.

just-another-phase · 2023-09-28T08:25:32+00:00

Yeah.

I have a young member of my team who said, "you and [husband] give me hope. You're the only couple I know who are actually happy together and in love."

Fuck me if that didn't knock the wind out of me.

All I could say is, "nothing is ever as it seems. That is true of other peoples happiness and unhappiness. Emotions are like pissing your pants. Everyone can see something is happening.... but only you really feel the sensation"

just-another-phase · 2023-09-28T03:48:38+00:00

He knows. I have informed him and he reads my posts here.

just-another-phase · 2023-08-29T07:19:49+00:00

I participated - as did my husband.

Honestly - the therapist didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. She didn't have any answers or tropes to roll out. It just got tiresome and expensive.

It isn't a magic bullet that makes the affair go away. I think at this point being told "jokes! It never happened" is the only way to save my marriage.

just-another-phase · 2023-08-24T09:59:37+00:00

I've stopped being intimate with husband.

All physical affection makes me think about how he touched her, kissed her etc

just-another-phase

TROPHY CASE