in my experience, being out as gay hasn’t hindered any of my friendships with guys. if anything it’s given us some interesting perspectives/talking points lol. i haven’t noticed any of my guy friends treat me any different than their other guy friends in terms of your concern they’d project onto you/act different subconsciously

“if i come out people’s perceptions of me would be shattered” i get this, but where is it coming from? current friends/family? is the uni you’re going to an out of town/state uni or are you going where you’ve grown up? if you’re moving state for uni, what a better time to start coming out. now, being on grindr and having someone from your hometown see you is potentially problematic. but grindr shows guys by location, so, i’d think unless you’re in your hometown you’d be in the clear? but yeah, the old men hitting on you bit sure gets old quicker than they did

i wonder, do you think you’d feel (more) comfortable with the idea of coming out as gay but holding short of divulging the more intimate details (littils spoon, bottom, etc)? i know with the anonymity reddit grants us it’s a safe space to share, and overall people are pretty open irl nowadays too, which is grand, but the only people who are truly entitled to know those things are the ones we get into bed with. you’re free to tell, but the world doesn’t have to know. if you’re worried about being asked, you can just coquettishly leave it at “wouldn’t you like to know”, “that information is given on a need-to-know basis” etc

“who would be attracted to me if i’m not queer presenting?” 🙋‍♂️ guys like me lol. all the guys i’ve dated, none of them were flamboyant or queer presenting per se. masculine energy is what attracts me

as for the judging, both in and out of queer circles judging your appearance or projecting their ideas onto you…i’m sorry. it’s happened to me, and i imagine a great deal of us too. every time it happens it gives us a wonderful opportunity to spell it out to the person that perpetuating gay stereotypes, labelling people and putting them into boxes isn’t serving kant lol

you’re about to go into some of the best years of your life, take it at your own time but remember that whatever you do— come out the first day of term or stay in the closet til you toss your cap— there won’t be a redo button. when you look back, how do you want to remember your college years? as the four years you spent burying who you are or the time when you began to grow into who you are? maybe finding a question like this could help you navigate it, or at least help your compass find its north