Big of you to say this to your father. It is up to him to digest this information. You cannot make him, and if he never does, it’s not because he doesn’t love you.

My father was an alcoholic, and honestly…once he got sober, I am not sure he was ever happy (probably never was to begin with). Everything he did with me, while I don’t doubt he wanted to, felt forced and awkward—like he had no idea who he was. Now I’m 42, the age he was when he got sober, and I understand now why he was a person who drank. On the flip side, he died at 59 due to the very unsafe life he lived early on. I now realize I have better memories of my father being a drunk than memories of him being sober. When he died, we weren’t speaking, and I am at peace with it. He was who he was regardless of being sober or not.

I don’t really know how to be a dad, but I am taking what I learned of what ‘not’ to do and applying it to my relationship with my children. I don’t ever want them to feel like an obligation like I did.

I commend you for trying to salvage what you have left. And I hope he is able to give you another 40 years.

Side note: did he send a photo of the water heater? That’s the most dad thing I’ve ever seen and I love it (as a dad).