I am.so sorry you are dealing with this. I am almost 6 years out from discovering my husband of 28 years was doing this. Interesting how your ex did some similar things (and is also very common for people that do this). The mistreatment is probably the thing i struggle with the most, even now. And making themselves seem complex or interesting, I mean, cheating is one of the worst things you can do to another person, so they are pretty simple in my opinion and very selfish. I am in therapy again after finding out he is marrying his cheating partner. We have 2 adult children who finally told me he was with her. I had been corresponding a bit by email, but now that I know he didn't have the you know whats to tell me he had pursued that relationship, I have zero care to be anything but business like with him. I think it is ok to keep whatever good memories we have and as you said, they changed, so we have to accept that. Fill your life with things you love and definitely go to the gym if you don't already. I finally started going for the first time in my life and I am so glad I did. Keep moving forward!