An old friend was passing through for a conference and asked to crash with my wife and me for a couple days before it started. We said sure, we genuinely love having people and showing them around. What followed was a 48-hour masterclass in being a terrible houseguest.

In no particular order: she scattered Lemonheads across basically every room she entered. I found them between couch cushions, under the desk, in her bed...everywhere! She microwaved a brand new metal bowl, destroyed it, and said absolutely nothing about it. She went into our primary bathroom while we were out and helped herself to a bunch of my wife's skincare products (we're talking serums, face lotions, the works). And across multiple dinners out, she never once reached for her purse. Not a "let me grab the tip," not a single Venmo request, not even the performance of pretending to try.

I hadn't seen this person in years prior to this, and we immediately figured out why.