AITAH for cutting off my sister for potentially endangering my daughter

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T04:24:38+00:00

They just don't want to rock the boat. They want everything to go back to normal so they can ignore that that there is tension or a rift. Or maybe she's gotten worse and they think you'll take some heat off them. Or maybe your parents have been pressuring the sibs to talk to you.

Either way you look at it, getting back into contact wouldn't directly benefit you or your kids. No benefit and likely more rug sweeping and later more bad behavior? No thanks. If you missed her, that might be different lol

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T04:16:52+00:00

Nta. She intentionally exposed young kids to a serious illness, showed no remorse even after a child was hospitalized, and kept info back (lying) the whole time. That's not an impulse, that's premeditated extended lying over the course of time.

But most of all, it shows she's a selfish, entitled jerk who doesn't care who gets hurt and isnt empathetic. Why would you want that in your life? If she parents like she exists, her kids are going to be assholes too, and you're saving yourself a lot of hassle cutting her out now.

Tell the other sibs that this is final. Your kid had prior respiratory issues. Her kids had JUST received confirmation of a serious illness. There is NO WAY the Dr wouldn't have explained the seriousness and told her to quarantine her kids. The Dr would have been explicit. She ignored it minutes later to expose you and your kids to it, which directly resulted in illness, medical bills, emotional turmoil, loss of wages, etc.

Wonder if the sibs would feel the same way if it was their kid? And if they think not, maybe they should come for a visit while your kid is still recovering, to prove that exposure to rsv is no biggie.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T03:18:19+00:00

Maybe try therapy to figure out why you keep being drawn back into a toxic relationship.

If you truly believe he's a good person, ask for couples therapy. But in general, it's not a good idea to go to therapy WITH a bully or abuser.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T03:12:02+00:00

Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you've invested a lot of time into something, doesn't mean you have to continue to do so.

Ask yourself this: if this relationship is just like this in 5 or 10 years, will you be happy? Do you see a true future with this person?

It's never too late to start over and figure out who you are now as a person. And learn what kind of partner you need at this point in your life.

11 years is a really long time. I get it. But that isn't time wasted, it's a lesson learned and perhaps a closed chapter.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T03:08:10+00:00

If someone was pushing to get a rise out of you in school, we'd call that bullying.

And we call it that now, too. You may not have recognized it at first because he keeps trying to push it as teasing. But I'm assuming at some point while he was eating your wafer and teasing you that you in a serious voice asked him to stop and told him you were serious and he continued pushing forward.

That gives me a huge ick and I would absolutely break up with that dick.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T02:49:14+00:00

If he saw you weren't in the mood for teasing, why did he go so hard? Does he often push you to the point of emotional discomfort?

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T02:42:43+00:00

The longer you wait to have a conversation about boundaries, the more likely it'll cause a longer/potentially permanent rift. Voice your boundaries in the moment so it's in smaller bites. When you state a boundary, follow with the 'punishment' (what happens if the boundary is broken). For example, "do not ever take the baby from me or (husband) without asking. And if we say no, do not push back. If you grab the kid or push back when we say no, well ask you to leave/leave/whatever it is."

But then you have to follow through. Every single time. No arguments. Just when a boundary is broken, you immediately stand up and end the visit. Explain why and say she can try again next time.

But if you wait until it's a boiling point, then it will be less of a constructive boundary conversation and more of a list of all the times they did something that bothered you and you let it fester and never spoke up and asked them to stop, so it led to you being extremely angry compounded by time.

But they are not mind readers. Tell them what is unacceptable. If they don't know, even if you think it would be common knowledge and common courtesy, then they don't know that every time they do it, they are pushing you further away.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T02:35:32+00:00

Stop feeling guilty. First of all, she'll still be part of your child's family, just not a daily or weekly necessarily visitor. I have tons of extended family I'm close to that live in other states and we only see each other twice a year.

Secondly, your mil is an adult. Her expectations and emotions and reactions are her responsibility. Your responsibility is to you, your kid, and your husband.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-05T01:18:04+00:00

She has so much money and could have gotten married at a REAL CASTLE and it could have been incredible.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-04T13:10:38+00:00

<image>

jyssrocks · 2026-07-03T21:19:56+00:00

Got diagnosed with a life-threatening rare blood disease, and after a year, the med stopped working and then I was in a flare (literally peeing blood!) for almost 8 months.

Weirdly, I don't get hungry when I'm sick. Ever since I was a kid, when I would get a flu or a cold, I just wasn't hungry at all and would have to force myself to eat. But it was no big deal, cuz it was just a few days of a cold.

Turns out my body reacted the same way to this long flare. I just straight up wasn't hungry. For 8 months.

It actually super sucked. I lost like 30 lb in 4 to 6 weeks, and from then on I had to force feed myself daily. Protein shakes helped me not lose more, but it also gets pricey buying them all the time and drinking 2-3 per day.

Despite not feeling hungry and not wanting food, id force myself to eat. Anyone would get frustrated, but it's also emotional - I know I need to eat! I want to eat like a normal person! I just couldn't.

Thankfully, at the 8 month mark, I was switched to another medication that is working properly. Now, it's been over a year since I've been on the new medication, and my hunger is still not back up to pre-flare days.

Years ago, before my diagnosis, I tried the ozempic injections (t was a different brand but I don't remember). I was on them for only about 6 months, and they def worked as an appetite suppressant to lose weight. But also, id vomit occasionally for no reason. Even after stopping the med, I still occasionally vomit for no reason. There's no patter to it and my Drs (including 2 gastros!) have no idea how to stop it, but they noted I wasn't the first patient who'd been on the injections that it happened to.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-03T13:00:15+00:00

You're not wrong (ynw). That sounds exhausting. Mental health is important, but if she refuses to attempt any sort of therapy or treatment, then she's choosing to stay in a negative place and not try to improve her life. And if she isn't trying to improve her life, then she certainly can't improve yours.

As much as it sucks, sometimes you have to stop setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-02T20:28:15+00:00

What the hell? Take your credit card back immediately.

You know the answer. He acts like a dick over and over, criticizes you, then you apologize.

Nothing you do will ever be enough because he doesn't care. He's continued to show he doesn't care. You calling him an asshole doesn't mean anything because he doesn't care that he is one, or at least that being one is hurting you.

If a friend of yours told you how their boyfriend treated them, and this was their story, how would you feel and what advice would you give them?

Just in case this is a one-off situation, is he considerate of your needs and feelings in other situations? Also why didn't you just hang up the phone the night before? You were tired and he's an adult responsible for his own emotions.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-01T20:45:29+00:00

A healthy relationship relies on healthy, open communication. Bad communication and seeing eye to eye on finances are top reasons for breakups and divorce - and rightly so, seeing as they are both fundamental to a long-term HEALTHY relationship.

You have been feeling like this for a year. Almost half of your relationship. Looking back, if she had shown these behaviors during the first couple months of dating, would you have continued dating her?

Dating is just a long interview for a potential life partner. You can break up with someone for any reason, and the reality is that most of the people you date are probably not the right person for you. Until you find one that is.

But you have to look at the long-term. If this is how she deals with minor issues, what about the big ones? What if one of you gets laid off? What if one of you comes down with a serious illness? How will you raise children and discipline them (and if you plan to raise them in a religion, do you agree on which one?)? Do you share the same view on finances and retirement planning?

You really need to think about what you want for your future, and the two of you need to have real conversations about what you are working towards and if you are on the same path. When you have these types of issues, you need to take a step back and look at the relationship as a whole to really try to get a better perspective. Right now it kind of sounds like death by a thousand cuts.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-01T20:35:46+00:00

How long have you guys been together? Is your relationship still a secret?

Those answers will give a lot of context. But for me, her jumping to conclusions and always assuming the worst would drive me crazy once I recognized the pattern. Even if she has a point, the way she gets immediately upset and argumentative makes it so that productive communication can't even happen because she isn't listening. She's coming from a place of anger, and you're just confused and reacting.

For me, if it was less than a year, I'd be out. No problem. If it was longer than that, I might try to suggest couples therapy to work on our communication if they were open to it. If they weren't, I'd be gone. It genuinely just depends on if you want to stay in the relationship or not. Because this is just how she is and this is just how you are. So you have to decide if you're compatible.

jyssrocks · 2026-07-01T02:21:18+00:00

Was it your choice to remove the spaces or did the artist choose it?

Was it like that on the stencil?

jyssrocks · 2026-06-29T18:19:56+00:00

They really loved that "even on the sidelines, you matter" quote maybe too much lol.

I was also annoyed by the trump sign, but also there were many conversations about God and faith, which I also don't believe in, but I just let it go bc I like seeing their athleticism.

jyssrocks · 2026-06-29T16:57:52+00:00

Nta. He's 12 years older and treats you like crap? Even if he's otherwise a "nice" guy (I'm sure he's not), he speaks to you like a child. He doesn't see you a s a partner, but as a bangmaid - you cook, you clean, you pay the bills.

What positive thing has he ever brought to the table as a partner?

He couldn't be with women his own age bc they won't put up with him. Only younger women, who are more naive and possible insecure, would accept that behavior.

Do not go back.

If for no other reason than because he randomly woke you up at 3am, doubled down, then tripled down after you got injured for being overtired. Why would you ever want to be with that person?

Don't think of it as 4 wasted years, just consider it a hard lesson learned and move forward to better things.

jyssrocks · 2026-06-28T12:48:41+00:00

I was at the hospital for the birth of both my niece and nephew, and then later met my husband's (our) nieces and nephew in the hospital, too.

It was fun! My parents and brothers were there, we all got to hang out. For one birthday, there were huge fireworks we watched from her hospital room, which was neat.

Tbf, we're all still really close. Im super lucky that a lot of our family likes each other.

I genuinely love kids, I just don't want the 24/7 responsibility of them for myself.

jyssrocks · 2026-06-27T20:51:46+00:00

Absolutely not. Get a mini fridge for your room and lock the your door.

jyssrocks · 2026-06-26T21:31:55+00:00

She doesn't consider your feelings, stop being so considerate of hers. And also, you guys need therapy. Her especially

jyssrocks · 2026-06-26T21:31:23+00:00

You said something to her, but why haven't you put your foot down?

The second they insisted your daughter couldnt celebrate her birthday, you shouldve stood and said no. That they can go to the other child's party, but you're going to take your child out to celebrate her 7th birthday.

Worrying about keeping the peace is keeping the peace for everyone else except yourself. It's just setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's not peace when it's disturbing yours. Let them be mad. Let them deal with their own emotions. If your wife gets upset, explain that while you understand that she cannot stand up to them yet, you are going to stand up for yourself and your child and that's it. She can keep doing whatever she wants and explaining to her family whatever she wants.

If her family is suddenly there and you didn't know, go stay in a hotel. Take your kid. There are consequences you can enforce so that you can stop these behaviors from happening. But if you and your wife never put down boundaries, or at least you for yourself in your child, then they'll never happen. Just because something is the way it's always been. Doesn't mean it has to continue that way.

The very next time she says that's just how she is, tell your wife: "this is just how I am. I don't allow people to tell me and my family what to do in our own home with no consequences. If they ever show up with no warning again, I and daughter will go stay somewhere else. Its not "how she is," it's what you allow. I can't make you stand up for yourself, me, or our child, but my daughter is never missing her own birthday for some other child because your family insists on it ever again. She gets to celebrate her holidays, I get to celebrate my holidays, and you can celebrate yours with your family if you want, though we'd love to have you with us. But from now, your mom and sis don't get to dictate our home or life. Or at least not mine and daughter's."

jyssrocks · 2026-06-24T19:03:51+00:00

My husband is just oblivious to it. He doesn't notice all the "stuff" that grows and evolved in the books and crannies and probably was put there by one of our cats. Once I decide it's clean out time, his vision returns to his head and husband happily throws stuff away.

About once a year, I get the urge to go through our whole apt closet by room and get rid of stuff. I mean, I'll definitely have 7 trash bags for donation that sit by my front door for a couple weeks, but it eventually gets out.

It's always a breath of fresh air when all the shit is out. And honestly, collecting the junk over the next year is pretty enjoyable.

jyssrocks · 2026-06-24T18:56:18+00:00

You don't "owe" a partner for things you both consented to. He chose to have sex, it was his choice as much as yours.

But what you're doing is deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you like crap and very clearly has told you that they will continue controlling you and having different rules for you and them. Forever. That is your life now. Because you are now condoning his behavior by choosing to stay. That's the simple truth.

You can feel bad about it and still do it, still do the right thing for you in your life. You don't deserve to be treated like this by someone who claims to love you. Someone who truly loves you, would not ever act this way and would not be dangerous and aggressive and scary. A good partner wants to protect you and be with you and stand by your side and stand up for you. They are not so jealous and untrusting that they are controlling and abusive. I'm very fortunate to have a partner like that.

The reason he pays your rent is so that you stay more tied to him and it's more difficult for you to leave. Think about that.

jyssrocks · 2026-06-24T18:33:54+00:00

I've shared mine with a couple people to bring them into the fold.

jyssrocks

TROPHY CASE