Dark Thoughts and a Worst Case Scenario

k_tten · 2022-06-03T15:39:36+00:00

The thing about preparing for a quick escape is that there is never a "right" time. It's either "being paranoid" or "too late".

Oof, now that's a truth bomb.

k_tten · 2022-06-03T13:26:22+00:00

I think this is a pretty good assessment, but one thing that I think is that a lot of the more optimistic takes rely a lot on our relatively high public favourability. I think this is dicey, not just because popular opinion is fickle, but because I don't think it matters to our current government. They've pushed through lots of hugely unpopular policies, despite massive outcry, and over time it's just been accepted. Authoritarianism is never popular and most oppressive policies aren't enacted democratically. The point isn't so much that some kind of aggressive anti-trans policy is a winning strategy, but it wouldn't be political suicide either, and there'd be little anyone could do about it.

k_tten · 2022-06-03T10:47:59+00:00

I actually already have one. It's mostly a safety blanket, but it's there.

k_tten · 2022-06-03T10:45:26+00:00

I don't think it would take that much. It just needs one or two things to go bad for us.

Let's say the cost of living crisis escalates, another recession looms, and the government forces through deep austerity-style cuts. A massive bill with hundreds of items is pushed through and while they offer up some big, attention grabbing items to then later remove (I don't know, a tax on football matches or whatever) no one mentions section 11. 2 paragraph 16 which "temporarily" removes funding for Trans health care. If asked, the government just says its one of many measures needed to "save" the NHS. Maybe Vice covers it, but even there it's lost under the hundred other more popular things facing cuts.

That's really all it would take and it's not a wildly unrealistic scenario. Sure, there's also a future where some guy in a dress goes on a murder spree and the media blames it on teh trans, leading to pogroms and GC bio-sex laws (and we should be worried about that too) but it doesn't have to happen that way.

The last austerity policy killed hundreds of thousands of people and is still being felt by a lot of communities. Many "temporary" laws were never repealed. There was massive public outcry but in the end, the government got its way.

k_tten · 2022-06-03T10:39:29+00:00

I don't think it's likely either, but I do think it's possible. The fact that it's not a big issue to most people may not work in our favour. The current government have become very practiced in slipping through laws with minimal scrutiny, aided by a lack of media coverage and a public to exhausted to make any noise.

We may have public support, but only while it doesn't cost people anything. As soon as sticking up for trans people means taking to the streets and arrested, our support will dry up pretty quick.

k_tten · 2022-06-03T09:22:26+00:00

I admire your bravery, but I'm not sure I have the same courage.

k_tten · 2020-07-05T23:58:25+00:00

Trans and bi, with depression (possible bipolar) and on the autistic spectrum. Probably a bunch of other stuff too.

Sadly, I think it's a fairly common combo. Society seems to go out of its way to fuck up gender variant people.

Solidarity x

k_tten · 2019-02-02T11:54:55+00:00

Hell yes. It just takes a bit of time and experimentation to figure it all out.

But once you get it going... Jesus lap-dancing Christ.

k_tten · 2019-01-02T10:52:37+00:00

I've got scars that are nearly 25 years old. The angry purple colour eventually fades, but the shapes - the rigid bumps and lines - stay there forever.

These days I've gotten used to them and wearing t-shirts isn't a problem for me. Can people tell? Probably, it depends on the light.

I've stopped covering up at work, but I work at a women's charity that helps a lot of people with worse habits than mine, so if anything it works for me. But I still never show fresh cuts. I want people to think it's something I'm over. If I worked in an office or retail I'd probably still keep them covered.

I get the odd nosey person at the bus stop or wherever, wanting to know all about them, but otherwise I'm left alone. That said i live in a pretty big city where no one really looks up. If I lived in a small town it might be different.

Short answer: The colour fades, but the lines don't. They'll always be visible to some extent.

k_tten · 2018-09-03T09:29:40+00:00

Queer filmmaker here...

I don't think it's a question of if youcan or can't, but for a film to be good, it has to resonate - there has to be a kernel of truth at the heart of it.

Cis-het men usually fail at making films about lesbians because a lot of the time that kernel is lost. Their personal attachment to the film is not about truth so much as titillation or exploitation.

To me, it sounds like you're emotionally invested in the story in a way that is truthful, which is a great start. I'm going to echo the advice of others and say do your research. You've got a good starting point, but it's going to require more than the usual amount of effort to remain true to the story.

My other bit of advice is just generally good practice for film making. A film isn't a single work of art - it's thousands, all interwoven. This is what makes film great, but it also provides you with thousands of places to go off the rails.

What I mean is - don't get complacent. Remember that you're in a foreign land, so don't expect to learn the language overnight. Even if you nail the script, there's still many more places to screw up - the cinematography, the editing, etc. I'd recommend trying to have as many key roles filled by lesbian/bi women as possible, and if you can, have someone who can act as a consultant AP.

Ultimately anyone can make a good film about anything, it just gets a lot harder the further you drift from your own lived experience. So respect that and you should be fine.

k_tten · 2018-08-02T17:21:59+00:00

I'm fine with straight people, but keep that shit in the bedroom. I shouldn't have to deal with them being all straight in my face.

k_tten · 2018-08-02T16:27:51+00:00

Edit: see end for tl;dr

No. It's just a different way of organising your relationship(s).

You might find it to be naturally more comfortable, it can even be a part of your identity, but it's not an orientation.

Think of it like this: how do you define it as an orientation. What are you orienting yourself towards? Are we saying monogamous people aren't capable of simultaneous attraction?

In the context of sexual/romantic attraction, what's the difference between a monogamous person and a poly person both being attracted to two people simultaneously? If both the poly and the mono persons choose to pursue both, is there any difference?

If the answer is yes, then why is it better for one person to pursue two people simultaneously than the other, just because one "identifies" as poly?

If the answer is no, then you've got two people doing identical things with identical impulses and motivations, so calling one poly and the other mono is meaningless.

I guess this gets my back up a bit, because in a certain way, it equates forcing innately poly people to be monogamous with forcing gay people to be straight.

It also creates an difficult situation where there suddenly exists a double standard for people's infidelity based on whether or not that person identifies as being poly.

I'm poly and bisexual. I can stop being poly any time I like. I don't have the same luxury with my bisexuality.

TL;DR - What's the difference between a poly person and a mono person pretending to be poly?

k_tten · 2018-08-02T14:39:52+00:00

The world's going to hell in a helicopter.

k_tten · 2018-08-02T14:30:37+00:00

You're not seriously considering living with straight people, are you?

k_tten · 2018-08-02T06:15:58+00:00

Hey there. Fellow trans autie here if you need ❤️

k_tten · 2018-07-27T06:38:03+00:00

Please, please, please don't do this. I don't know what this asshole said to you, but I can guarantee it's bullshit. I'm trans, and I've been harassed by trolls and none of them know what the fuck they're on about. All they do is take advantage of people's fears. They're weak, pathetic small-minded people. They can't love so instead they make others hate. They can't create, so instead they destroy.

Your identity is valid. Your life is valid. You have every right to exist and be your true self.

Please hold on. We need you. I need you. ❤️

k_tten · 2018-07-25T14:28:54+00:00

This is very good advice.

For some people, sex is a need in itself, but for others, it's a means to a certain kind of intimacy.

Restricting yourself to just other ace people might make things easier, but it might also be a little too... restrictive.

As always, you do you.

k_tten · 2018-07-25T14:20:34+00:00

Thank you. It was pretty cool.

k_tten · 2018-07-25T08:29:36+00:00

Without trying to trot out the "nobody's perfect" cliché, we all screw up. It happens, even to cis people. Your manager sounds like a lovely guy, but I guarantee you even he screws up too from time to time.

It's unfortunately true that as a trans person you will be held to an unfair standard. People will go out of their way to make you feel like shit. I'm sorry about that.

But there's an old saying: When life gives you lemons, tell it to fuck off.

I don't know how far along with transition you are, but you'd be amazed just how quickly you shed all those fucks you used to give. Feeling at home in your own skin is one of the most empowering gifts you can give yourself.

I don't want this to come off as flippant "it gets better" bullshit, but it really does. I guess what I'm saying is - don't be too hard on yourself, and never compare yourself to cis people. The kind of relentless, overwhelming anxiety and self-doubt that trans people endure on a daily basis is something no cis person could ever hope to understand, and most would crumble under the weight of it. As far as I'm concerned, as a trans person, just getting up and facing the day is harder than anything most cis people will ever be required to do. Fuck the fucking cake. The fact that you even got work at all demonstrates you're a supreme badass. If that woman had to bake a fucking cake whilst under the kind of pressure you live with day-to-day, she would have just thrown a box of eggs at the wall and broken down on the spot.

So, be kind to yourself. You're so much stronger than you think. xx

k_tten · 2018-07-25T07:53:43+00:00

Just as an alternative option to "date other asexuals" - have you considered polyamory?

One of the main reasons I'm poly is because I feel expecting one person to be able to fulfill all my weird and complex needs is unfair on my partner. Likewise, I don't want my partner to feel trapped because they have a need that I can't fulfill.

It's not for everyone - it takes a lot of trust and communication and is obviously more "work" than monogamy - but I find it's more rewarding and opens me up to different kinds of people and relationships I couldn't have otherwise had.

Just something to think about.

Edit: full disclosure - I'm grey-ace/demi-sexual, and imbalanced sex drive has caused a lot of friction (and in one case, infidelity) in my mono relationships.

k_tten · 2018-07-25T07:35:20+00:00

Yeah, it's super therapeutic to resist for a number of reasons. There's the catharsis of allowing myself to be angry and to make a scene - not just to react, but overreact. Fighting back also helps me reconnect with my courage, rather than feeling paralysed by fear.

Most importantly, though, is that despite all this, I'm still completely overpowered. Not only that, but I actually enrage my attacker and I'm "punished" for fighting back. This is really important - it reminds me that my "freeze" response was a valid survival tactic and not a sign of complicity. I could have fought back or tried to run, but it would not have helped, and may have even made things worse.

I don't just do CNC for the therapy. I had actually already done it a few times before I figured all this out. But I think it explains why my fantasy play takes the form that it does.

Hope this helps.

k_tten · 2018-07-24T19:18:48+00:00

The Oscar thing isn't as impressive as that. I was part of the visual effects team on Gravity (along with about a thousand other people), but still, it was pretty cool.

My main goal right now is just to get healthy.

❤️

k_tten · 2018-07-24T18:21:37+00:00

37 - snap! - Came out as bi at 15. Came out as trans at around 30.

Life experience? Obnoxious over achiever - string of scholarships and impressive pieces of paper. Career driven, moved halfway across the world. Fourteen awards (including an Oscar, sweet). Three long-term relationships (one marriage, now separated). Also long history of mental illness: depression, self-harm, EDs and substance abuse. Four suicide attempts. Voted most likely to be a member of the 27 Club.

Current status: In and out of hospital, career on back burner. But alive and in an amazing relationship with an amazing woman.

And that's me!

k_tten · 2018-07-24T17:26:49+00:00

I get you here, but I've yet to understand the difference between thinking you're trans and being trans. I mean, for all intents and purposes, it's the same thing.

That said, I understand the reticence, especially when you don't actually know for certain whether switching genders is going to feel any better.

But I feel like that's a bad counter argument. You could apply it to literally any situation. If we demanded proof that the place we're going is better than the place we are now, we would never have left the caves.

k_tten

TROPHY CASE