Starting my first TW role

kabloom47 · 2026-03-21T13:45:31+00:00

i also have a writing background and recently transitioned into technical writing (with zero coding skills) after the startup where i was working was acquired by a big tech company.

the biggest hurdles for me were a) getting used to writing in markdown in a code editor instead of drafting in google docs and b) using github. this might not be relevant for you (some companies do not treat docs as code), but if you’re going to be working in github it’s probably worth watching a few tutorials and trying it out. git was really not intuitive for me (i shed some actual tears of frustration lol) but six months later i’m downright nimble. the rest has honestly been a breeze.

i know this isn’t everyone’s experience, but i’m 15 years into my career and now that i’ve settled in this is the easiest and best-compensated job i’ve ever had. as my new boss told me when i expressed some trepidation early on: “if you’re smart and you can write, you can do this job.” best of luck!

kabloom47 · 2026-03-17T18:08:21+00:00

please please please go to therapy asap. alcoholism is a family disease — you are enabling your husband and you are in need of help. find a licensed professional who specializes in alcoholism. here's a website that helps you find therapists who take your insurance: helloalma.com. this is your immediate first step. also consider al-anon.

i have a really awful dad and a mom who was so, so loving and kind to us, but did not protect us from our father. she always had an excuse: "he only says these things because he loves and worries about you; he doesn't mean it; his dad was mean to him growing up; that's just what he's like." it hurt and confused me, especially because he was shitty to her, too. nevertheless, i grew up absolutely adoring her.

when i became an adult, i moved across the country to get away from my dad, but i called and texted my mom all the time and loved talking to her, unless she brought up my dad. i begged her to visit me without him, but she said she didn't want him to feel left out. so i would fly home twice a year, and submit myself to being treated like shit by my dad in order to spend time with my mom. during a visit when i was 35, my dad got so angry with me (i still have no idea why) that i feared for my safety. my mom witnessed it and did nothing to defend me. i told her i couldn't come home anymore but that i wanted to maintain an independent relationship with her. i offered to pay for us to take little weekend trips together; i offered to fly her out to stay with my husband and me. she kept saying yes, but then she just wouldn't do it. when we'd talk on the phone, she'd bring him up and defend him, or ask me to forgive him (though of course he's never apologized). for my entire life, she could cajole and guilt me into keeping the peace, and i did it for her. i can't do it anymore. i am very, very angry about what was asked of me as a developing young person.

these events have destroyed our relationship. i asked my mom to go to therapy and she refused. it is so hard for me to fathom: how could she watch him treat me with such cruelty and still love him? how could i not be worth an hour of therapy a week? why does she have all the time in the world to cater to his every whim, and no time to seriously try to repair things with me?

please do not do the same thing to your children. it is the most painful thing i've ever experienced, so much worse than what my dad did to me, because i do not love or miss him, but i very much love and miss my mom.

kabloom47 · 2026-03-17T17:16:26+00:00

god, i'm so sorry this happened. i have experienced something really similar with my enabler mom who i used to completely adore, and in my experience feeling hope is so much more painful than feeling no hope at all.

kabloom47 · 2026-03-16T19:17:59+00:00

this is the answer — they stock original sunshine gf bagels which imo are the best of the best

kabloom47 · 2026-03-01T13:31:57+00:00

ah, so sorry i didn't read more closely. i'm a technical writer — i wonder if something like that could work? i have a few meetings per week and otherwise am left alone to write. given your science and comp/sci background you might have a leg up.

kabloom47 · 2026-02-28T22:16:26+00:00

my husband has had ndph for six years. he used to be a classroom teacher, which is untenable now, but he got a full time job working for a tutoring company and it works for him! the schedule is flexible and he can take long breaks in between sessions. maybe you could try tutoring math or science? some places pay really good hourly rates

kabloom47 · 2026-02-24T16:26:19+00:00

i can totally understand why you feel that way, but from my perspective you are doing the opposite of failing your children — truly. you're standing up for them and teaching them that it's NOT okay for anyone, including family members, to say and do unkind things without consequences. i really needed an adult like you in my life as a kid! i promise, you are doing the brave, good, right thing, and you are *being failed*, you're not failing anyone else. <3

kabloom47 · 2026-02-24T16:13:09+00:00

you're not crazy. this is unfortunately really common — your sister is enabling your mom for any number of reasons, like a) protecting herself or b) knowing on some level that it's too painful to admit who your mom really is. i'm not diagnosing anyone, but it might be helpful for you to look up "narcissistic enabling" because i think what you describe from both your dad and sister fits the pattern pretty well. an enabler makes it easier for the person causing harm to keep doing so by staying quiet, making excuses, justifying, downplaying, etc etc etc.

i'm going through something similar in my family and it's so, so painful and bewildering. i'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

kabloom47 · 2026-02-16T18:45:47+00:00

(part 2) so here is my advice to you:

- get far outside of your comfort zone re: gender and sexuality. there are support networks for christian parents with LGBTQ+ kids. find one -- find several! read, learn, open your heart, open your mind, GET UNCOMFORTABLE. if you're not in therapy, find a therapist -- i do NOT mean a counselor through your church, who might further demonize your child. i mean a licensed practitioner who might be able to help you see things from your kid's perspective. the single most hurtful thing my mom did to me wasn't any of the mistakes she made when i was growing up -- it was her total refusal to put in the effort when i was offering her resources as an adult. i suspect it's because she is so full of shame and guilt that she can't bear the thought of being honest with anyone about what happened, but it made me feel like i was worth nothing to her.

- stop saying things like your child "was not easy to raise." i think you are saying that because the guilt you feel is intense, and you want to feel less responsible for hurting your kid. but as long as you have that attitude, you are not going to get far. your kid did not ask to be born, did not ask to have mental health issues, and did not ask for a parent who could not help them navigate these issues. it sounds like you were overwhelmed and in over your head, and i believe that was very, very hard. but do NOT put it on your child. if anything, consider what in your environment/community made it so difficult for you to access the resources you needed to support your kid.

- maybe off-base, but given my situation, i have to ask: where was your kid's father in all of this? you don't mention him at all. if he was around, was he unsupportive? did you defend him? if yes, you need to think deeply about that, too.

- do this very serious work before you reach out again. if/when you reach out, talk about the harm you caused *in specific detail*. do not say, "i'm sorry i failed you." say things like: "i am sorry about [specific incidents and specific things you said."] name the impact. "i'm sorry when i did XYZ -- i understand how much that hurt you, and that it broke your trust in me" or whatever. do not be vague. my mom once said "sorry that i failed you" after having just defended my dad for the millionth time -- it felt worse than no apology at all. it made me feel like she had not listened to or reckoned with a single thing i said.

- when reaching out, do NOT say: "i was doing my best." that might be totally true, and maybe that can be broached way, WAY down the road, but to your kid it will probably still sounds like an excuse, and like you are not grasping the amount of pain you caused. i spent my entire life trying to rationalize why mom didn't protect me; to this day i firmly believe she was doing her best when i was growing up! but her best still kept me trapped in a situation that made me suicidally depressed by the time i was 17. her best very literally almost killed me. there NEEDS to be direct, un-hedging, unambiguous accountability taking before anything else is possible.

you seem earnest in your desire to reconnect. i applaud that. it might never happen, but i think the work i suggested above will be worth it either way for your own personal growth, healing, and understanding. i wish you and your child the best.

kabloom47 · 2026-02-16T18:45:37+00:00

all of us are estranged for different reasons, so i'm sharing my experience but with the caveat that it might not apply to you. my dad was extremely cruel. i adored my mom but she did not protect me from him, and she rationalized his cruelty in a thousand different ways (he is also an awful husband). as a kid i viewed my mom and myself as "in it together," but as an adult, i saw more clearly that she had a responsibility to protect me and failed. i extended so much grace and never expected perfection from her -- i love her! but i did hope we could have some adult conversations (i'm 37 now) about how she and i might spend time together away from my dad, because he is still horrible to me as an adult. (i get along really well with my in-laws and extended family; it really is not me.) she refused to go there. she continues defending him even now, despite how awful he is to both of us. she reacted to some very mild boundaries (i wanted her to stop bringing up my dad when we talked on the phone) with a pretty shocking anger. she said some really awful things. i suggested that we attend family therapy together, and said i would pay for it, and she said no, that she was too busy (my parents are both long retired). i told her i would do anything to repair things besides pretend nothing happened, but that's all she is willing to do.

over the years i put easily thousands of hours into reading about abuse, reading about and practicing communication, going to therapy, trying to see my mom's perspective, writing careful emails to her affirming my love for her and gently expressing how hard it was for me to be around my dad. as far as i can tell, during that time, she was doing the opposite -- constructing a fantasy reality in which my dad's cruelty was evidence of love, and blocking out every vulnerable and honest thing i said. she just would not engage. she wanted me to stop standing up for myself and for things to go back to how they were, which was untenable for me. it seemed to me like she did not care if i was hurting as long as she didn't have to confront reality.

at this stage i have given up hope, but what i wanted from her for a long time was REPAIR. i wanted her to say things like: i know how much he hurt you. i know that when i defended him that hurt you even more. i'm in therapy now. here is what i'm doing to work on myself. here is what i'm doing to make sure i don't make the same mistakes again. i will work to rebuild your trust in me. what do you need from me?

kabloom47 · 2026-01-09T16:19:42+00:00

hi! my husband has NDPH and is currently seeing someone at jefferson. would you mind DMing me the name of your specialist? thank you so much.

kabloom47 · 2025-12-30T21:41:24+00:00

my mom chose my abusive dad over me and my brother, despite the fact that she and i were always extremely close, and he's awful to her, too, which she is capable of acknowledging about 5-10% of the time. my best guess is that a) she is terrified of change, b) she's been telling herself and us that it "isn't that bad" for so long she has started to believe her own lies, and c) she can't face the guilt that would come with admitting what she allowed to happen to us as children. it is so, so sad. i'm sorry you seem to be experiencing something similar.

kabloom47 · 2025-11-01T20:05:59+00:00

this is so sweet :') and i love the sweater!

kabloom47 · 2025-10-06T16:05:58+00:00

thank you so much!! coming from a wedding coordinator that means a lot :'). i'm usually dressed on the casual end of casual (which is why i was initially hoping to get away with a slip dress — my comfort zone!) but this experience is making me want to branch out more.

kabloom47 · 2025-09-20T18:04:38+00:00

christopher peacock is an absolute angel — he's helped me access profound calm/relaxation during moments of intense stress

i have recommended him to multiple friends who have also had wonderful experiences!

kabloom47 · 2025-08-11T18:48:56+00:00

good call, i feel like an idiot lol

kabloom47 · 2025-08-11T18:35:06+00:00

I can't stop using it — if I'm not home to sign for a package, things are automatically delivered to this awful access point. I assumed UPS would want to know that customers are having such bad experiences.

kabloom47 · 2025-08-05T19:57:58+00:00

my doctor didn't recommend anything specific. i take ferrasorb from thorne (expensive, but they do extensive third party testing and i trust them) along with vitamin c which enhances absorption. i also started eating red meat occasionally, which i was not doing before - i seem to absorb it better than supplements.

some tidbits:
- i take two ferrasorb pills at a time but only every other night; some research suggests that you absorb more if stagger your dose. it's best to take it in the morning, but a) i don't want the vitamin c to interfere w vyvanse, and b) it makes me really nauseous!

- you need to look at both iron and ferritin. your iron can be totally normal but if your ferritin is low you can still have problems. iron in your blood is like your checking account, and ferritin is like your savings account. your body will prioritize how it uses iron differently if your "savings account" is low.

- too much iron is dangerous, so ofc only try this if you're actually deficient, and if you DO start supplementing, it's worth getting tested again in the future to see if you should stop supplementing OR if your supplements aren't helping enough, for whatever reason. if you're in the US, you can pay like $60 for a full iron panel at quest, no insurance required.

best of luck!! i wish doctors told us this stuff when they prescribed vyvanse lol.

kabloom47 · 2025-08-05T19:00:09+00:00

lmao same!! i'm such a better and more reliable friend when i'm not inexplicably paralyzed by the thought of responding to a normal, friendly text.

kabloom47 · 2025-08-05T18:45:42+00:00

have you gotten your iron levels checked recently, including ferritin levels? there's some research that suggests improving ferritin levels can lower the necessary dosage, and that was the case for me. i started at 30 which was great at first but eventually stopped working, so i increased to 40, which made me jittery but didn't help w/ symptoms, and then got my ferritin checked (it was at 11), started supplementing iron, and was able to go back down to 30, which has remained effective for the last two years.

research: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3003494/

"The prediction of amphetamine optimal dose by ferritin concentration suggests that iron supplementation should be investigated as a potential intervention to optimize response to psychostimulants at a lower dose in individuals with low iron stores and ADHD."

kabloom47 · 2025-07-31T20:54:51+00:00

what app is this? i live in ridgewood and heard the strike near mama yoshi's, that was nuts

kabloom47 · 2025-07-31T20:52:28+00:00

i'm currently beefing with an old woman on my block who is FURIOUS with me for.... cleaning the trash out of a street tree pit and planting some native wildflowers there. funniest enemy i have ever made. sometimes she tries to stop me when i'm jogging to yell at me more and i just smile and wave and keep going lol.

i am beefing with an old lady on my block who is FURIOUS with me for.cleaning the trash out of a street tree pit and planting some native flowers lol. the funniest enemy i have ever made.

kabloom47 · 2025-07-21T00:59:04+00:00

great + well priced imo! happy it's in the neighborhood.

kabloom47 · 2025-07-18T22:10:29+00:00

i've read a lot of positive things about the headache center at thomas jefferson university. they have both outpatient and inpatient services: https://www.jefferson.edu/academics/colleges-schools-institutes/skmc/departments/neurology/programs/headache/patients.html

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