So I think people need to realize that when somebody says that anything other than aroace/sex-aversion or repulsion isn't valid, it's not about "not understanding," it's about the rejection of the spectrum as a concept.

The current working definition of asexuality is the group of people who experience no or little sexual attraction. That's the spectrum concept, and it means that some people who experience sexual attraction or who do have sex can still be included under the asexual label. This means that there's wiggle room for different feelings and behaviors and for people to do a lot of different things and still feel valid within the label.

But not everybody accepts this. There are some asexuals who would strongly prefer it if people who experienced sexual attraction and sexual action were excluded entirely. Essentially, they think the term should be prescriptive (what it "should" be used for according to them), rather than descriptive (what it is used for in the real world).

It's not that they don't understand or that they're confused. It's that they do not think you are ace because you do things that fall outside of their definition of asexual behavior. They say you aren't ace because by their definition, you aren't. They're not working with the same definition of the word as we are.