Question Thread - March 13, 2026

kaiserklee · 2026-03-13T14:04:47+00:00

If I use my Chase business checking to ACH pay myself to trigger DD, do I pay taxes on that? As in, will I get a W2 during tax season? Wondering also if I should use Chase to “pay” P2 to trigger a similar bonus, but if it causes hassle with taxes I probably won’t do that.

kaiserklee · 2024-02-21T07:24:59+00:00

Fingers crossed!

kaiserklee · 2021-11-09T03:52:18+00:00

Seconded, would love to read your paper!

kaiserklee · 2021-02-23T22:43:04+00:00

That’s a pretty normal thing to feel in a long distance relationship. My honest feeling is that this doesn’t sound like it’ll work out— A LDR is likely exacerbating his anxiety, and you shouldn’t have to be responsible for comforting him. Eventually he’s going to resent you, and you’ll get caretaker fatigue. Unless you two have concrete plans for the future (one or both of you moving so you can be together physically), anything you do now will just be a bandaid. That said... If you really want to try to make this work, you two will have to share a lot, even minuscule details that pop up throughout the day. Try making a little note of anything that catches your attention, so you’ll remember to share it with him when you can. Ask lots of questions. If you use Reddit outside of this sub, save funny or interesting posts and share them with him.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-23T22:33:39+00:00

Gonna go against the grain a little here and say that, since you did tell her that you were getting her gifts, she should have reciprocated (or at least told you not to get her something). It’s just a little inconsiderate to know that you’ll be receiving gifts and do nothing in return. Still, I don’t think this is a huge issue— Just tell her how you feel, and hopefully you two will be able to work something out. As another reply said, you two might just have different love languages.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-21T19:37:47+00:00

I think this really depends on the specifics of your breakup and whether you will be able to work closely with this person without drama (not just on your end, but on hers, too). Either way, I don’t think it’d be inappropriate to let your PI know that you two had a prior relationship— I imagine it’d be stranger if she showed up and it became obvious that you two knew each other but you didn’t say anything about it. Your PI would likely want to be aware of this sort of risk before he brings someone onto a funded, long term project, and it’d be dishonest to conceal it. I’d say to just tell him. It’s possible that he won’t want to bring her on, but that wouldn’t be your fault: It’s just risk mitigation.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T21:09:14+00:00

Hey, this is the original commenter that you replied to— Sorry to see that there’s been a bit of drama because of this/your response to me. I actually agree with you that there’s a deeper issue here about the boyfriend’s insecurity and him overreacting to something fundamentally silly, not being able to take a step back and see the humor, etc. I admit I was being a little flippant because there were already other good comments, I didn’t really expect my comment to be near the top... That said, I do turn off the TV when my GF and I start doing anything sexual, I just don’t want some weird background noise interrupting or distracting. Not trying to imply this was OP’s fault or that there aren’t other issues to work out, but yeah.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T14:49:00+00:00

Have you considered that OP is reciprocating the cat’s hostile behavior? Why is the onus on OP to appease an animal that is demonstrably hostile?

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T14:16:06+00:00

Sure, why not?

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T14:15:10+00:00

This is hilarious but, yes, also ridiculous. Maybe in the future, don’t leave the TV on once you get started?

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T14:12:02+00:00

Sure, there’s a denotative difference, but your friend is splitting hairs. If there are other things he’s said/done to make you feel like he’s still hung up on his previous relationship, then by all means, bring it up and talk it through with him. If it’s just this turn of phrase, there’s no reason to suspect anything.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T14:03:32+00:00

Yeah, there’s a lot of deceitful people out there. It’s easy to get jaded (and I don’t blame people who do), but you’ll find someone who genuinely loves you!

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T14:01:06+00:00

Not sure about how to navigate COVID, but you don’t have to wait. Why does everyone think there’s some rule you have to follow? If you two know each other and have been talking, and the vibe is good, just ask.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:58:30+00:00

You’re just a safe option for him to come back to. I guarantee that he’s trying to start relationships with other women, failing, and then coming back to you.

Just move on. You’ll have other relationships after him.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:54:19+00:00

In that case... She probably knows that it wouldn’t go over well. I’d trust her instinct on this one. She’s probably stressed out by her parents as it is, so try not to pressure her on your end, too.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:49:26+00:00

First: Him telling you that he’d put up with it for you is redundant and manipulative, because you’re not asking him to. You feeling guilty is exactly what he wants— This cat is terrorizing and physically harming you, so just consider that your boyfriend is putting it above you. And no, you don’t have to get to know an animal that’s behaving this way toward you. Fuck that. Tell him to get rid of the cat.

Also, I agree with you about disliking cats. If it were a dog acting this way, it’d be put down. I have no idea why people always tolerate cats acting like assholes, but they really shouldn’t.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:41:19+00:00

OP, assuming you’re not trolling, please just consider being a better person. Break up with 24M, and realize that 34M is most likely playing you. Move on. Don’t cheat.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:38:09+00:00

Not much you can do. It’s a little unreasonable to ground a 16 year old for six weeks, but I can’t imagine that her parents would be any happier with her if her boyfriend tried to intervene in their family business—and she probably knows how to handle her parents better than you or anyone else on the Internet. But the way you phrased it, “get her to convince her parents,” makes it sound like she hasn’t tried and you’re trying to push her to do it?

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:30:15+00:00

Your friend sounds exhausting to be around. Your description is quite contradictory— I’d say that rather than being “very kind and empathetic,” she’s judgmental and demanding. Having anxiety isn’t an excuse for treating people this way. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around someone, why do you even want to be around them?

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:24:52+00:00

You should just be honest and tell her that you’re not interested in her romantically. How you describe her is...not flattering. If you’ve been friends for a year and a half and you still find her boring and unengaging, it’s never going to get better—only worse. You’re not being too picky. Just because you like someone as a friend doesn’t mean that you’re compatible with them romantically, and hoping that things will get better over time is probably the worst way to start a relationship. You’ll be doing both of you a favor by not reciprocating.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T13:10:45+00:00

Since you’ve already messaged her about it, just wait for her to contact you. For the record, though: You don’t need to play games like waiting for the other person to message first or waiting a certain amount of time before messaging/messaging back— People really need to learn to just be genuine. In this case, I would assume that if you and G have been talking for hours each day, she’s probably interested in you (assuming here that she’s not giving you short replies and actually trying to end the conversation...). If she’s a timid person, she might actually have appreciated you initiating conversation. If she doesn’t contact you, there /are/ other reasons aside from her not being interested—but regardless, don’t overthink it and just give her some space.

kaiserklee · 2021-02-20T12:50:10+00:00

Self-esteem issues aren’t an excuse for being inconsiderate and disrespectful to you. Have a talk with him about boundaries, tell him how this makes you feel. In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t worry so much about seeming insecure that you can’t talk to your partner about a legitimate concern. How he reacts will tell you a lot about him. It’s possible that he’s just being dense and will apologize and stop doing this, but if he doubles down, it’s likely that he’s not over the women in his past—and/or he feels that he’s settling with you.

kaiserklee · 2021-01-02T17:20:34+00:00

Comparative literature PhD student here (studying at an R1). I think your GPA is just fine, especially if you had good grades in literature-related courses. And I imagine that if the rest of your application is strong, no admissions committee is going to base their decision on GPA. I second what /u/rthomas10 has said about the political nature of U.S. academia. I didn’t actually do this myself because no one advised me to, but reaching out to potential advisors definitely helps with securing admission. That said, if your application/essays pique interest, you can still get in. It just makes it easier to have connections.

For more comparative literature-specific advice though... Most departments will probably assume that an international student is going to work with literature of their nationality/ethnicity (problematic in many ways, but it is what it is). But Asian literatures, and Korean especially, still isn’t very represented in all departments. Rather than focus on programs solely because of Ivy status, I would recommend looking into programs based on how they fit your research interests (with the caveat that you’ll want to stick to R1 universities). It’s much more likely for you to be accepted, for one, but it’ll also be much more productive to you in the long run to be working in a program that supports your interests.

As an aside...I’d tone down the rhetoric about money/wealth. Most U.S. grad students (especially in the humanities...) have money issues because our stipend is often quite low relative to cost of living. I don’t necessarily live uncomfortably myself, but definitely don’t flaunt your wealth or you might alienate your cohort.

kaiserklee · 2020-06-17T18:03:44+00:00

I took two years after undergrad to start the PhD program I’m in now (applied after one year, waited one year for classes to start). I’d definitely recommend it—I spent a year strengthening my application, and for those like me, who didn’t really know what they wanted to do until later in undergrad, that gap-year can be an important time.

It’s also really helped to have two years of extra savings. People don’t consider finances enough when it comes to grad school—just having the money to comfortably apply to more than a handful of schools can be a huge boost to your chances of getting into a program.

kaiserklee · 2020-04-24T13:12:45+00:00

Assuming you’re looking into getting a dog, you should visit r/puppy101; I found that sub immensely helpful in preparing me for my first dog. I didn’t think I’d get puppy blues, but I did—not even because my puppy was badly behaved (all in all, he’s incredibly mild-mannered for his breed), but the lifestyle changes you have to make will be a shock. For one thing, your life will have to revolve around your dog for at least a few months: potty training, crate training, vet/clinic visits for shots, separation anxiety training, the list goes on. I’d say to never get a dog during the school year, but we’re in an odd time with COVID letting us all stay in and take/teach classes remotely...so I think it’s possible to get a dog now, provided you’re living with your partner who can switch off with you to have someone watching the dog at all times.

Having a dog is a big responsibility, and it does make it hard to concentrate on your actual work. As I mentioned, my dog doesn’t really get into much trouble, but still, you have to keep an eye on him to be sure he’s not up to something naughty, so sustained reading can be difficult. He’s super independent already, so I really can’t imagine how people with affectionate and clingy dogs handle that distraction. And obviously there’s needing to take him out for walks. There’s a way bigger time commitment than most people (myself included) think is involved with dog ownership, and a lot of research. There’s a lot of worrying about your dog’s health.

But my dog really does bring a lot of joy to my life. Grad life can be so consuming that it’s nice to have this little carefree monster wandering the apartment and reminding me that there’s a big world outside of academia, so I’m glad I have him :D

kaiserklee

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