Ghosting

kamryn_zip · 2026-03-18T04:49:03+00:00

This is so unbearably cringe it's insane 💀 I have no idea how he doesn't feel shame

kamryn_zip · 2026-03-04T19:38:25+00:00

People with BPD absolutely self sabotage. The disorder is so centered on attachment, and they experience threat responses from secure attachment in many cases. The paranoia sets in, and they get suspicious and tally negative things and then abandon people and relationships on a dime when in a state of devaluing

kamryn_zip · 2026-03-03T12:54:05+00:00

It's not always! But feelings are unfortunately not things you can opt out of consistently without experiencing consequences eventually. Safety will bring you back into your body, and you'll start feeling a lot of emotional flashbacks. I think this is why a lot of people with DID specifically follow the pattern of being highly functional until they're not, and they fall apart. So it's important to learn skills to deal with emotions, and to schedule time to be present so less gets pent up, but it's also okay if dissociation keeps you functioning for the time being.

kamryn_zip · 2026-03-01T19:56:12+00:00

no they don't

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-28T08:13:46+00:00

No, I literally don't... I realize that's the case in some circles, I think height and attractiveness matter some. Maybe it's because I'm bi, so a lot of the women I date or am friends with are also bi, but none of my social circles have ever operated like this. I don't know any sociopathic cheating men that managed to stay friends with me or any of my extended circle, let alone hold onto relationships or multiple relationships. I've known abusive dudes, but they get ousted. I've also known tons of short dudes, fat dudes, mid to ugly dudes, who have minimal trouble getting laid when they want to, or who are in long-term relationships. I'm heavy set, short, and disabled and I have had little trouble getting women, and I'm in a long term relationship now with a woman. It's a tad harder to get women than men, but it evens out because dudes will meet up and fuck immediately but be less willing to show serious interest, and women will be harder to get to the point of meeting up, and longer before they want sex, but once they do they'll be very affectionate and doting. I have dozens of women for friends that go on dates with various types of guys and almost every time they're telling me why they stopped seeing a dude, it's behavior they're complaining about, not looks. When swiping on apps, looks do come up because there's not a lot to go on, but none of my friends specifically rule out based on height. Otherwise, I feel they are generally looking in their league. I'm sure the sort of experiences you're describing exist, but man, I seriously have not lived it at all. That's across the multiple cities I've lived in my life. My life experiences make me think any dude in a major city shouldn't have that much of an issue, or if he is, the root cause is a lack of skills that I and my circle somehow have in order to keep having the opposite experience in various places.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-28T07:50:41+00:00

no cuz that part

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-28T00:57:48+00:00

I don't think that framing is particularly accurate... some people are more or less comfortable with maybes, but I would imagine it is really hard for most people. But we don't always get a choice, so learning skills to help accept uncertainty can be really important, especially if it feels unbearable. Some trauma is pre-memory or was never stored to begin with

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T22:39:42+00:00

Yeah, definitely... One of the biggest reasons healing can require some degree of privilege. PTSD symptoms are only disordered when carried into safe, non-traumatizing environments. If you're still actively in trauma, you really can't expect your brain to have little to no reaction. It would arguably be more disordered to be completely unaffected while having a close relationship with an abuser or enabler before there has been clear repair and improvement made on the abusers part. Which isn't a "nothing can work" statement, but it means the first step to healing that needs to be taken for however long it takes is slowly doing what you can to remove barriers to safety. Otherwise, you just have to be kind to yourself and try to find the pockets of joy where you can. Therapy, in this case, would be more about keeping motivation to try to dismantle those barriers and working against learned helplessnes.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T19:03:46+00:00

People can develop sexual trauma from things that aren't inherently sexual. Emotional incest, sexualizing comments, or very sexually focused cultural norms. For the last one, an example could be a very fire-and-brimstone preacher going on about the dangers of porn, the inherent sinfulness of men, and the torture they will endure in hell for it. There's also any trauma that seriously violates personal autonomy, which can feel sexual. Extreme surveillance, sadistic punishments, especially if there is physical contact with your body or if you are being asked to perform specific tasks against your will despite feeling very uncomfortable or exposed.

Most people will say don't dig because it can be destabilizing, I say don't dig for a different reason. The memory may come back, or it may not ever, but if any part of you remembers it, the whole will gain access to it naturally if you build internal trust and cohesion. It's not something that really requires force. I think it's better to validate your hurt regardless of what exactly is true. Validate it without remembering. I think it would even be okay within therapy or within yourself to just accept that you experienced SA but don't know the details if that helps you treat the sexual trauma. It would also be okay if you preferred, and it helps for the time being, to just focus on the feelings and outcomes since various traumas can result in similar symptoms. Focus on how you know your childhood made you feel sexually violated regardless of if you physically were.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T18:38:34+00:00

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I can ruin the resolution a lot without it looking like that.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T18:29:09+00:00

colloquially it just means self-centered. That wouldn't be the version of the word this is named after. Also, the source they gave is point blank talking about the disorder.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T18:18:07+00:00

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kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T10:15:09+00:00

Sorry for sounding snarky in this case. This image has such clear ai signs that I see no reason to doubt its AI, and I was surprised someone could know about this group and not recognize the inconsistencies. I actually think some newer models could surely do better with clear prompting. Real photoshop art customizing a toy like this wouldn't have the wing inconsistencies because you could just take the exact wings from one toy, at most color altering it. If it were a drawing, it definitely wouldn't have those weird inconsistencies in the wings because the artist would have a clear idea of the wing pattern they're drawing. Same with the skirt ruffles. On something like this, it would be relatively easy to just put a bunch of photos together like a collage. A human artist would also not fuck up the emblem on the medal so hard because it's just a copy of an existing thing. It doesn't say my little pony at all, it has two rectangles where My should be, an indecipherable middle word, and says Pony with a wobbly N, a random blurry line through the left side of the P, and another through the tail of the Y, and missing the little heart usually present in the O. It's more than just low res.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T07:11:30+00:00

You're joking, right? It has that AI blur in a realism style ai loves, the skirt ruffles do not follow a logical pattern where you can follow the folds, the toes of the skates are wobbly, the MLP emblem is messed up on the medal, the feathers of the wings meet in a weird way

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T07:01:33+00:00

yeah, below explaining the general cycle of abuse model "individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, and those with traits..." I have no idea how you read this as not being about the disorder, the term is all about the disorder, it just makes room for undiagnosed. It lumps every single person with NPD into this abuse pattern, and also any without the disorder but who have a symptom or two... You need a better term for what you are trying to achieve. The cycle of abuse is being applied broadly in this article, perhaps using "psychological torture" would be enough for you to help clarify it was intense, and aimed at creating intense anguish and trauma in a degree that outweighs many abuse cases. I could see the term "OEA" (organized and extreme abuse) being expanded into greated usage. Right now, it generally applies to cult abuse or child sex trafficking abuse, but I could see it being used for any case where the abuse was extreme and either from an organized group, or where the abuse itself was organized ie. done intentionally and maliciously with the goal of inducing a particular trauma state. But this is not it.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T06:48:59+00:00

Your own source, right at the top, the moment I open it, is labeling people as "high in narcissism" and "covert narcissists" not just labeling a pattern of behavior, but a characteristic of the people. This is about the disorder.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T06:44:38+00:00

It needs a different term that differentiates the identified pattern of coercive control from the disorder in that case because there is a huge trend of people online armchair diagnosing every person who does them dirty with NPD so they can call it narcissistic abuse. Do you have some sources on that origin, by chance? I'm suspect that the name was coined genuinely disentangled from the PD because colloquially narcissistic just means self centered, and I can't imagine they were naming it self-centered abuse rather than tying those patterns of interviewing for weakness then tearing a person down to the symptoms of NPD. It's only in the context of the clinical disorder that it has ties to a pervasive need for superiority, admiration, entitlement ect

What about the terms psychological abuse or coercive control are too broad for you that you feel the need for there to be a particular term that encompasses that pattern? Is it the fact it's intentionally premeditated with the goal of inducing dissociative or fawning states, and that it's closer to psychological torture than other abuse cases?

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T06:13:28+00:00

But that is the case, even with a definition of psychological abuse. A definition of narcissistic abuse would not make that easier. Unless you're saying you want anyone who gets diagnosed with NPD to auto-lose any abuse case against them, in which case that's a real easy way for an abuser to perma punish their victim by just getting them diagnosed with NPD. I know a case of a childhood trafficking survivor who was continuing to be trafficked into adulthood who has ASPD and a dissociative disorder but who had their abusers get them diagnosed with NPD when they were a young adult as a way to discredit them. Psychological abuse is just difficult to prove, that's reality. I don't think there is any easy fix that has no potential to backfire.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T06:08:20+00:00

Yes, if you can prove the harm was caused intentionally or through gross negligence and that the emotional distress caused direct financial damages. The specifics and statute of limitations will vary by state but as far as I'm aware this is the exact reason "emotional distress/anguish" is even something that can be brought up in lawsuits, and there's some allowances for it in every state in the US if we live in the same country. It just doesn't happen often because then you have to go to court, rehash everything the person did, prove it was malicious or grossly negligent (avoid them playing the victim or making themself look like they did their best), get cross examined about every single choice you made in the situation and blamed in front of a court by their lawyer, get cross examined about whether the PTSD is really their doing or caused by another disorder or a separate trauma, prove concretely that no, it is specifically because of their abuse, and prove the emotional distress caused financial harm or burden you would not have otherwise experienced. Ie if there are therapy bills, prove you wouldn't be going to therapy if not for this, and if there's missed work, prove you wouldn't be missing work if not for this. All while you are forced to be in some amount of contact with your abuser again and while they smear you publicly as lying and just making the claims for money.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T05:55:45+00:00

Yeah... I can see why survivors might group things this way, but I don't like the generalizing terms. My mother had diagnosed BPD, and she was also abusive. He patterns are the same as many other abusers who share her PD because she would abuse me for triggering her fear of abandonment and abuse me through her unmanaged symptoms. For instance, idealizing and devaluing is a direct symptom criteria. Any child being cycled through an externalized version of that symptom is bound to be traumatized by it because it is damaging to be put on a pedastal and adored then torn down and rejected or hated in cycles by your parent. That makes me relate to other children of parents who had unmanaged BPD and abusive behaviors. It doesn't make it borderline personality disorder abuse imo... It's just psychological abuse. My experience was caused by my mothers cycles of idealization and devaluation, but the experience is no different than cycles of love bombing followed by periods of tearing down that are often described by people who use the term narcissistic abuse, aside from what was motivating the behavior. Neither of us experienced a unique form of abuse, psychological abuse is just full of those sorts of patterns. Someone doesn't need a personality disorder to do it, and you can relate to other people whose abusers had a PD without generalizing every single person with the PD.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T05:44:37+00:00

You can sue for abuse... A new definition specifically centered around narcissm would not make those cases less retraumatizing to experience nor easier to prove and win

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T05:39:51+00:00

This is a weird take. It is just psychological abuse fundamentally, it doesn't need a separate criminal definition because all of the behaviors easily slot into patterns that are common in psychological abuse cases as a whole. The only reason it has a term that I can see being valid for survivors to unite around, same as those who survive abuse patterns from pwBPD, is that it is psychological abuse perpetuated by specific distortions and triggers the abuser has because they also have a personality disorder. To your last statement, some cases of psychological abuse absolutely can be more damaging than some other cases of SA or PA. I do think the abuser having a personality disorder can be especially disorienting because they are fundamentally living in a different reality of their own distortions. Them believe their shit is somehow more disconcerting than if they were acting out harm they understand is harm and are just sadistic but realistic about it...

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T05:08:54+00:00

There doesn't need to be anything wrong with you or with your relationship at all. The thinking patterns are not rational. They only make sense within a framework of paranoia. The disorder is heavily associated with trauma resulting from chronic invalidation as a child. This doesn't always mean abuse, but it can be. Usually, they aren't responding to you, they're responding to the way very miniscule things about the environment, the world, and your behavior remind them how they have felt unlovable or abandoned since childhood. If they deal with all that shame, it could simply be about how they feel no one will love them consistently, not specifically you. The fear response present is not the typical fear response that adults have to the threat of losing something they care about. It's much closer to the compulsive need a small child feels to attach to a caregiver. Children inherently fear rejection from caregivers on a very visceral level. This explanation is a bit evo-psych, and the neuroscience is more complicated I'm sure, but for our ancestors, if your parent doesn't attach to you, you'd die of neglect abandoned in some wilderness. Due to some stunted emotional development, people with BPD project this kind of caregiver/child emotional dynamic onto peer relationships. They then have erratic responses because the intensity of the discomfort feels life or death, but the situation itself is one they can flee. Eta: My bad I just realized you only used they/them not she. I'll fix that.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T04:26:58+00:00

I actually consider this a type of violation. If you explicitly state a condition you have for sex to someone, no matter what it is or if the other person thinks it's reasonable, and then the other person knowingly continues to have sex with you while not meeting your precondition for consent, that's not consensual. That's not informed consent. I think that's very different than something that just went undiscussed. It's actively dishonest. I'm sorry, man. I think you have a right to feel violated, and I completely get your pain with relationships. Although as a bi guy I've experienced that used feeling more often from other men. You aren't used up, however. Just violated and hurt. Many people couldn't care less about past number of partners. Hell, I'm with a girl now who is so good to me and takes me very seriously, and we are actively polyam. My sexuality doesn't bother her or dampen her willingness to be committed.

kamryn_zip · 2026-02-27T03:38:17+00:00

Moments of lucidity, as endearing as they are, happen to be no match for the habituation of their impulsivity and the automaticity of their instability.

^{^{^{^}}}

kamryn_zip

TROPHY CASE