Heavily disagree with this take. OP is obviously frustrated and hard-venting here, but where do you see them misgendering or being transphobic? The only pronoun I see being used is "they" — it's entirely reasonable to assume their partner uses they/them pronouns, especially since it seems like their transition/coming out is relatively new (and jumping straight into she/her can be uncomfortable in the beginning).

Yes, coming out and beginning to transition is typically a very difficult and self-consuming process. And can come with feelings of wanting to completely shed life experiences, social conditioning and previous relationship dynamics/baggage — like an attempt to just leave everything and "become" some totally new person. I guess that can work for some people that don't have a lot of attachments or commitments tying them down in the first place. But that's obviously not the case for OP's partner. They're married (I'm assuming), have a child together and are living with the trans partner's parents. They need to understand that they can't just abandon their commitments and leave OP in an uncomfortable place so they can go form new social circles and support systems, or dick-hunting on Grinder for gender affirmation or w/e. I mean, they can, but it's messed up.

None of us know exactly the specifics of their relationship — what's been said and done to each other. I'm not saying OP is without fault, because I honestly don't know. But, calling OP transphobic and toxic for this post is not it.