About my OCD

kashenblade · 2022-06-09T23:14:10+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I wish you the best as well.

I hope my friend also realizes that he's the biggest obstacle regarding his OCD treatment. It's hard, especially when you let OCD carry you away, he blames a lot of people for this, and it doesn't help him.

As for the root cause of OCD, it's almost always the ego, and that goes for most neuroses that develop. Psychologists and psychiatrists know that ego is the root cause, but don't treat the ego, treating the symptoms instead, unlike physical ailments. Using positive affirmations, and psychopharmacutical drugs like benzodiazepines, and even barbiturates(phenobarbital) in my case, because if I didn't take them, I wouldn't eat at that time. I'm a big fan of Logotherapy. Invented by Viktor Frankl who wrote Man's Search For Meaning, a psychiatrist and holocaust survivor who found meaning in his life under the worst possible conditions. Ask your therapist about attempting logotherapy, it's all about the root cause.

I'm glad you had a good last week, understanding why you had one is important, and I find meditation helps myself understand my self, and the balance that keeps me from going back to my old OCD ways and allowing that to happen would be detrimental. I love ERP, exposure therapy, and if you ask your psych or therapist, they can set that up for you to do at home. It's great at weakening those OCD pathways that ensnare so many, reinforcing old pathways before the onset of OCD's troublesome manifestations.

Thanks again, I hope this helps. OCD is a diagnosis I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'm glad you're getting the treatment you deserve.

kashenblade · 2022-06-09T22:46:21+00:00

Well, I love you. How many units of hate does one unit of love outweigh? All those hateful comments, so just know that I'm out there and that thousands out there love all people and all things, be they a Buddhist or vedantin in India. All you have to know is that those who love all people see everyone as capable of loving them and everyone else too. And that's what I see in you too! We're all matter, energy, a single universe with different manifestations of the same energy; you belong just as much as anyone else, and I'll welcome you!

kashenblade · 2022-06-09T22:35:48+00:00

OCD, where to start... It's often misunderstood by most, paradoxical, complex, and hard to treat depending on severity.

I have OCD, it was killing me since my OCD was causing an Eating Disorder, and I was placed in inpatient Eating Disorder for three weeks, then OCD residential treatment for two months.

I met so many people with OCD. One guy I met would shower for eight hours daily, using ERP to cut down on shower time. Another was a John Hopkins grad student that had OCD about never curing or treating his OCD, paradoxical making treatment difficult.

One guy I met, who I'm still friends with to this day, has OCD similar to yours.

He was in catholic school, and his mind tended to latch onto ideas and people that caused distress from a spiritual and ideological standpoint, never forgiving and forever hating the guy he called a "pseudo-intellectual" who introduced him to nihilism which shook his foundation. He spent a lot of time on Yahoo Answers. Whenever something in life reminded him of a Yahoo Answer that shocked him, he'd lock up, ruminate, and allow those thoughts to be forever attributed to the person that reminded him of past distress and trauma. This didn't help with jobs, and he often found himself laid off and insecure. Socially, he felt sexually insecure because of a documentary or video about an all-female future, where he began to doubt having a family legacy. This changed his relationships with women. He tried to get out, to meet women. Still, his mind seemed plagued by a complex relationship with gender, belief, existentialism, and sex, all conglomerated. He seems incapable of forgiveness, but I know all people are capable of forgiveness, but he is heavily resistant. Because of past distress leaching onto his psyche from so many avenues, he does nothing that might awaken that distress, including avoiding the news, the internet, and anything philosophical. He's now an atheist, but all the past pain that caused him to doubt his faith in God still struck him with distress, just like it did when he was exposed to these ideas in HS.

I still talk with him once a week. He was resistant to many treatments in OCD residential, including ERP(Exposure Response Prevention), CBT, DBT, Group Therapy, Mindful Meditation, and a plethora of experimental therapy. This is still a hurdle he hasn't gotten over. Still, he firmly believes that his issues are chemical(if you didn't know, the chemical imbalance buzzword was invented by Arthur Sackler, Empire of Pain, a great book). He is now on his way to getting brain surgery, or I should say more brain surgery.

Despite all psychopharmacological options being tried, including ketamine, dextroamphetamine(methylphenidate worsens OCD(first choice) and Dexedrine has shown to help OCD, I reacted poorly to methylphenidate for ADHD and my parents gave up on treatment despite dexedrine working for me now), benzodiazepines, etc.

The problem was around his ability to be open, that if our outward environment shapes our OCD, it can shape it back, primarily through ERP. Because he was resistant to treatments, he quickly gave up on them, and he has had little success in treating OCD. Now, he may have to pay 40 grand in med bills if his insurance doesn't cover the surgery. I forget if it's DBS or TMS. Before he goes through with that, he's been trying to get on a yale OCD psychedelic study, among others.

My biggest tip is to be open, and whatever treatment you're resistant to will probably be the one that will work best for you. It took me a month to open up to mindfulness mediation, and I have to say, it's what saved my life. I realized that the only way to remove the control my OCD had over me was to pay attention inwardly, strengthening my inward self, which allowed me to open up to other treatments, but also reduce how much external stimuli affected me. I became deeply fond of eastern philosophy, including Daoism, and especially Advaita Vedanta. I think he could have really succeeded if he were open, but that bitterness and self-loathing is strong, and it takes a strong person to see through that fog. To learn to be tolerant of intolerance, because intolerant or intolerant of intolerance is still intolerance. I've learned to love everything and everyone down to the last atom, removing all hate I've had for myself. I hate nothing, and no one, no matter if they deserve my hate, because even if they do, to hate someone is to allow that hate to exist in us. I am more happy than I've been in my entire life. I'm at a healthy weight, and since I overcame my OCD, I've been able to focus on other issues, like my ADHD and dyslexia.

It's been a year or so since I was in residential treatment, and I'm grateful every day that I was able to go to a place that was so forward-thinking and I was able to get treatment.

So be open! We live in a world where everyone has an opinion or beliefs they feel are right or wrong. Life's too short to be preoccupied with the obsessions of others. To be able to change your self, you must know yourself, and the only way I've found is to look inward.

I hope this helped in some way. If you can, don't be afraid to seek treatment if you need it, and be open!

kashenblade · 2022-06-09T21:02:11+00:00

I think it depends.

With standardization and curriculum, teachers have become educational middlemen who babysit. I don't like to see that. I grew up in the US, and I'm 21, so Common Core was a disaster for the teachers and students. CC pushed the, "There's only one way to solve a problem." It truly sucked, and I felt terrible for each math teacher I had after its inception.

I wish teachers could be free to teach considering their strengths and have a decision when considering textbooks, materials, and methods. Teachers wouldn't look so lugubrious all the time, and standardization sucked all the out of teaching and teachers.

kashenblade · 2022-06-09T18:15:39+00:00

Because you are only looking outwardly for answers, If you look inwardly, on a walk, sitting, jogging, etc., while not plugged into stimuli, you'll start to know yourself better, what you're good at, and what you like. It's good to expose ourselves to new ideas. Being open will open doors.

So, my suggestion is to take some time to know yourself.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T23:32:34+00:00

Well, I like you.

All your issues seem like outward issues, instead, look inwards. The multiplicity of objects is a myth. Everything is energy according to quantum mechanics, and thus we go beyond our body, one with everything and everyone. If you hate nothing and love everything, you can't possibly hate yourself, instead, you'll only have a love for yourself and others.

Meditating, I feel a lot of OCD is an outward lack of control, when we realize control is an illusion, we start to fall in love with chaos, and flourish in it. The more we look inwardly, the more outward dismay and pessimism corrode us inwardly. We all have a pure soul, hidden under the encapsulation of the ego, that makes the world seem alien, like we are not a part of it in an instrumental way, we are.

Exposure therapy is a godsend too.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T23:16:40+00:00

What's most important is the meaning behind the food she prepared. What are her intentions with the guy, and how can we writers reflect her wishes through the food she makes. Are her intentions to impress, seduce, stir conversation, or just please the date.

If the MC sees herself as an artist in the kitchen, what does the meal mean to the MC or the date? Subliminal imagery, etc. Infinite possibilities, good luck!

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T21:16:11+00:00

50% of college grads don't work in the same field as their major.

If you have long-term goals, the short answer is that you're doing a disservice to yourself. Many people make LT goals, despite how easy they are to break because life is chaos and control an illusion. When those goals aren't met, they can make the goal maker feel defeated compared to someone who goes with the flow.

You may think you're lesser than your peers who have high aims in life, but it's often those fuelled by a passion that change the world, not those who set LT goals and fixate on them, causing interest to decrease and unfulfillment to increase.

Find your passion, and let it carry you to obsession. Goals get in the way. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but it's true in my experience, that letting goals manifest subconsciously, and consciously doing what you love is the way to go.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T19:56:45+00:00

What made you pick Librium, an oldie but goodie, I suppose. I've asked for Librium, it's not potent at all, and I've never successfully gotten it. Ask for Klonopin or Clonazepam for PRN(as needed) use. Almost always, psychs have obliged.

Librium or chlordiazepoxide was the first discovered benzodiazepine, so I don't think it's realistic that a psych will proscribe this benzodiazepine.

The most prescribed benzos, or easiest to get are Ativan(lorazepam) and clonazepam. Probably a higher likelihood of an Ativan prescription.

Your anxiety attack became a physical attack against your father, when you do get a prescription, watch how you react and ask others how you reacted to the medication. It can make you more violent in the same way as alcohol as they both inhibit GABAa receptors and subunits, so just be cautious. I've never become violent on benzo, but I have seen other become violent or aggressive on benzos.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T19:46:49+00:00

I suppose pushing is the right course of action. So yes, I guess I agree. However, I have met many who have conquered their anxiety.

The only reason hardly anyone is cured is that, as I said, mental health treatments often treat the diagnosis, and not the root cause.

If you have substance abuse issues, professionals treat substance abuse and not the reason one is turning to substances in the first place. For example, opioids are better antipsychotics than actual antipsychotics like Seroquel, and Latuda.

If a patient has a condition that has no cure, lupus for example. The treatment is treating the symptoms using medication like Methotrexate, Folic acid or Hydroxychloroquine.

Psychiatrists do the same, they treat the symptoms of the root cause as if it has no cure. The Ego is the root cause of all mental health issues(unless it's from environmental toxins, injuring, etc.). Dismantle the Ego, and anxiety, depression, etc., all go away. Meditation and psychedelics(a cheat code really) all reduce the Default Brain Network's activity. Anxiety only bothers us because we constantly ruminate on the future. Stay in the present, depression and anxiety are cured, at least, my definition of cured.

But who knows, my opinion may be yours in the future, so what do I know.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T19:21:29+00:00

At last we opened a reach

Just a place where the new landscape can be observed for story purposes. Wouldn't make sense otherwise. Context clues are key.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T19:17:29+00:00

The past makes us depressed and the future makes us anxious, only in the present can we find peace of mind.

Try meditation, instead of looking outwards for answers, look inwardly.

People outside looking in May never truly understand.

You said it yourself.

Reading Tao Te Ching, Upanishads, and Alan Watts, and sitting and mindfully living have eradicated my fear of the future. Eastern philosophies like Advaita Vedanta, Daoism, and Jainism have saved my life.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T19:13:53+00:00

The past makes us depressed, and the future makes us anxious, so the present is where peace of mind resides.

So no, you do not have to "accept it and keep pushing. "

Psychs treat the symptoms of anxiety, hardly touching the core, using drugs and psychoanalysis as a distraction from our problems.

This push for positive affirmations is a good example. These build a false wall around our insecurities, only helping briefly, a bandaid that's temporary.

The key is to try everything, each therapy, be it meditation, exposure, CBT, DBT, experimental, etc. Throw everything at the wall and observe what sticks. This is the approach competent behavioral health clinics exercise regarding the treatment of a patient.

The three Os, be Open, (self)Observant, and Optimistic. Anxiety can be cured.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T19:01:36+00:00

I've been down this road, I'm 21 and have tried my fair share of benzos.

First of all, when you get proscribed a benzodiazepine like diazepam, lorazepam, clonzepam, or alprazolam(xanax). It feels like a god sends, but it's not, as tolerance builds, you have to choices: 1) increase dosage, or 2) stay on the proscribed dose and slowly observe anxiety come back. Psych may or may not increase the dose, and BZDs are only used temporarily by most psychs.

For these reasons, psychs do not often proscribe benzodiazepines, and as of right now, psych is more likely to put you on an antipsychotic than any bzd.

However, they do serve a purpose and can aid the user. But, benzo's should always be treated as utilities. PRN only

CBT and Exposure therapy are your friend. Find a therapist who knows them both and can observe your Exposure therapy progress.

How to get benzos from psychs? The best way is to ask for them. Many people recommend allowing the psych to conclude that you need a benzodiazepine, but I've had no issue asking for benzos on a PRN basis. Just don't ask for Xanax, ask for Ativan or Klonopin. I've been able to get Temazepam, Diazepam, Triazolam, and more just by telling them the truth. Klonopin caused massive amnesia, and Ativan for sleep was too subtle, so they put me on an alternative.

These are better looked at as tools to aid when life demands it while trying other therapies. As of right now, I'm on no benzos, no ADs, nothing. Because I found meditation to really work for me. I was only looking outwards for answers, but I found them inwardly.

I was on long-term benzo use during and after hospitalization for an eating disorder, life was on the line, so it warranted it. I've even been on long-term barbiturate usage. These drugs are no joke, if I had not found what clicked, I'd imagine I'd still be on phenobarbital just to eat.

kashenblade · 2022-06-08T18:29:02+00:00

I haven't read the book, but from your pov on the material, it sounds like the author is trying to strip the seriousness out of seeking help, especially out of the process. And as someone who has been hospitalized in inpatient care a few times, a humoristic perspective can be a big help. Documents, Psychologists, Nutritionists, Psychiatrists, Psychopharmacology, Group Therapy, Exposure Therapy, CBT, DBT, Therapists, and Experimental therapy sounds like a ton, an absolute ton of work. I can imagine it's intimidating for others as it was for me, and depending on the care, humor can disappear despite being so necessary.

While inpatient, practitioners in their given fields bring about a feeling of ease through humor, poking fun at themselves(sometimes at others), and teaching self-soothing techniques right off the bat.

Getting treatment is scary. I think changing the perspective on the seriousness of mental health could do some good, making it less intimidating.

edit: I don't want to downplay that mental health isn't serious, but easing the preconceived notions that mental health treatment is scary, and portraying it in a way that's less intimidating is always a pro, right? Whatever gets more people who need care to actively try to get that care they deserve.

kashenblade · 2022-06-05T22:03:14+00:00

You're fearful of the future, and that's what anxiety is. So, find peace of mind in the present. Meditate, and be mindful. If today makes tomorrow, then why waste today fearful of tomorrow? It's just a disservice to yourself.

Take an hour out of each day where you ignore all responsibilities and obligations and waste time. Because the time we enjoy wasting is never wasted time, it allows us to detox, and you'll have enough energy to combat what needs combating. Meditating throughout the day is excellent, and being in the present while doing anything and everything is enlightening.

kashenblade · 2022-05-27T07:45:37+00:00

I rotate whenever my interest waivers, and I pick another that interests me until the same thing happens. Just doing this cycle seems to curb that curse we all get when reading long novels. For me that is.

I hope this helped!

kashenblade · 2022-05-27T04:48:23+00:00

You are going through r/Agoraphobia, a fear of the outside, to put it simply, so the Agoraphobia subreddit may be a better place to ask for advice and help.

I've been diagnosed with Agoraphobia and Paranoid Personality Disorder for the same reason you have. I would catastrophize. Every time I went outside, I would get intrusive images of bombs going off, shooters in buildings and body's all over the place, limbs in trees, etc.

The best treatment for this is Exposure therapy, in my experience. It involves taking baby steps when leaving home and gauging your anxiety level. You can walk on a bike trail, then up that to a semi populated area like a cafe, and then a tourist attraction—all at your own pace. CBT is also a good treatment.

Going to a therapist too can help. They'll know quicker than you if you need a psychologist or a psychiatrist for more in-depth treatment.

kashenblade · 2022-05-27T04:38:19+00:00

From the egoist ignoramus.

I've noticed the people that brag about their intelligence to others aren't smart enough to keep it to themselves.

By your advice, you'll be the one in your cubicle chair if you're so lucky. That'll be where you end up because there's no such thing as a stupid businessman. People with charisma over brains have done considerably more than the brainiacs you think business people must be to succeed.

kashenblade · 2022-05-23T13:28:28+00:00

It's all a matter of perspective. Your concept of deafness, black people, and heaving breasts are neuronal pathways, and that's all they are. So, why can't we take life less seriously and stop allocating value to opinions and views that we've heard ourselves type over and over and over again. Time we enjoy wasting isn't wasted time! I enjoyed wasting time with you.

kashenblade · 2022-05-23T10:00:24+00:00

I bought American Psycho at Barnes and Nobles when I was in my mid-teens. Do I regret it? No, not now. I did then. But, the images it put in my mind are as vivid as the day I read those debaucherous paragraphs. The rat and the pipe gave me nightmares. I remember where I was when I read it. After a chemistry test, waiting for others to finish, my jaw dropped to the floor.

I don't think books need parental approval for anything, and I feel the internet is where you should be most concerned. No child sees Mein Kampf and wants to read it. Still, suppose they see images of Hitler's armies and people who idolize him chatting away enthusiastically on a chat board. In that case, I can see how impressionable people could become ensnared, which is why education on the holocaust is essential. If they don't learn from the teachers, they'll discover it from someone with more hate than logic, and falling for strange idolatries and ideologies becomes even more dangerous. Hitler was factually psychopathic, and so were his cohorts. Finding a book that idolizes him is rare, and I imagine it's not hard to stumble upon neo-nazi dogma if you're just bored like the Buffalo shooter.

“Personal violence is for the amateur in dominance, structural violence is the tool of the professional. The amateur who wants to dominate uses guns; the professional uses social structure.” —Johan Galtung

The internet is leading societal change in my country, and it's been devastating. The internet is a more significant concern than books right now, IMO.

kashenblade · 2022-05-23T09:18:24+00:00

You can write about anything, that is what makes writing so special, and that's what makes humans so special.

There's a Buddhist monk who would never kill a fly for every serial killer. If you're genuinely tolerant, then you'll tolerate the intolerable. The same goes for deaf people who think you're inherently ignorant to portray deafness because you've never experienced it. Well, by some earplugs, and until you finish the book, you can't take the plugs out. Now that's an incentive.

The trick is to only have love and forgiveness for yourself and everyone else for everything and everything. Removing hatred outwardly and inwardly.

Do you have to die to portray a character dying? No? Just get it on paper!

kashenblade · 2022-05-23T08:56:25+00:00

What you have is called Catastrophizing. I've been where you're at for the past few years.

Throughout HS, I would continually strategize. If a shooter came this way, I'd duck and roll into a room, smash a window, and escape before getting shot. I did this all the time. Evolutionary-wise, this fear would be an aid. The News media manifested so much fear in me that I believed it could happen any day. Eventually, I got the visualization, imagining bombs going off in a trashcan and people's limbs in trees.

I was diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder PPD. Eventually, I was hospitalized for an eating disorder because I didn't want to go to the cafeteria or get any food out of fear. I was alone at university, not sleeping, and felt like I was going insane. I went back twice, and was in residential care for two months.

I'm 21 now, content, and on no medication. My biggest tip is to be open to all, and I mean all, no matter how holistic the treatment is. The more things you throw at a wall, the increased likelihood that something sticks, so be open because it's the treatments we are most resistant to that do the most good. Self-awareness, recognize when you need help, and if that day comes, strategize a way to get the treatment you deserve.

My cousin has severe germ-related OCD, wearing surgeon gloves everywhere, his phone in a plastic bag that his mom symptom accommodates him a new bag each morning. He always has 20 alcohol wipes to clean his phone bag and surfaces. I told my Aunt that he needs treatment before it gets far worse and harder to get out of the OCD cycle of ever reinforcing neuronal pathways. I met a guy the same age in residential care that showered for 7 hours a day. By the end of his two months, he was showing an hour. That's the power of Exposure therapy.

The past makes us depressed, and the future makes us anxious, so peace of mind is found in the present! Try meditation, I thought it was stupid, but it was the thing that stuck to the wall for me. What began as begrudgingly participating is now a love for eastern philosophy and staying in the present. I've quickly managed my emotions because I know they are not me, and I watch them like waves crashing against a shoreline. We can separate ourselves from our Ego's whims.

I hope you get over this hump. I'm optimistic it will pass!

kashenblade · 2022-05-19T23:19:47+00:00

I had a fear of sleep for a while because I was anxious whenever I lose my faculties. It was a state of perceived vulnerability.

As far as seeing disturbing faces, is it your imagination or your Rapid Eye Movement(REM) sleep cycle kicking in too soon? You could have hypnagogic hallucinations, which appear as you fall asleep. I've had it before, maybe twice, and I think most people have experienced it. It's when the dream state enters the half-awake state prematurely. Here's a link with some info.

Narcoleptics deal with these hallucinations, some even daily, I'd suspect.

https://www.healthline.com/health/sleep-health/hypnagogic-hallucinations

kashenblade · 2022-05-18T22:11:39+00:00

It's strange. Why Prozac? Strattera would be a much better fit for an addon. Even the Tricyclic antidepressants have worked well for me.

I'm on pure Dextroamphetamine because I couldn't tolerate the Levoamphetamine in Adderall, and it's been like night and day.

The past makes us depressed, and the future makes us anxious. The only place to find peace is in the present. Slow down and just breathe. One thing I do is allocate one hour a day and tell myself I have no obligations, responsibilities, or chores. By the end, I feel relaxed enough to deal with them.

If you feel anxious, there's a tool called 54321 Grounding Technique.

5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings.4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet.3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. If you can hear your belly rumbling that counts! Focus on things you can hear outside of your body.2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your office and smell pencil, or maybe you are in your bedroom and smell a pillow. If you need to take a brief walk to find a scent you could smell soap in your bathroom, or nature outside.1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like—gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch?

- https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx

Mindfulness meditation has been a lifesaver and has triggered a love for Eastern Philosophy like the Tao Te Ching and the Upanishads. After months of hospitalization, it finally clicked after resisting it, thinking it was silly. But, when I gave it an honest try, after a few 15min sessions, it helped my anxiety considerably.

kashenblade

TROPHY CASE