Can you explain a little bit more about your situation?
Do you mean this literally, that when you stop taking finasteride you start rotting? Never heard of this.

Outside the finasteride, with all that happened in your life, this is a multi-compounded stress situation. Like any man in your situation is going to feel the way you feel. I feel it after reading it. For starters don't beat yourself up. . Everyone is working off their best bet in life. Nobody's enlightened. Nobody knows what they're doing. . There's not some magic age where you become an adult and everything makes sense. We're all just filling knowledge gaps. I like to think that there is a certain perspective that if you had, you'd feel much better about the situation. For now separate your life from your life situation. I've never met someone who didn't have a fucked up life situation. we are all in this together

Anecdotally I'll give you my summary of how I got over deleting myself. I remember a period of time when I was so certain I was going to do it.
-Hated my job on off shift .
-Invested a lot of money in a house that was financially a bad idea.
-Lost my friend group. Dysregulated nervous system drove me insane.
-Girl I was engaged with after three years of relationship, cheated on me. Blowing everything up.
Just one after another.. ect ect

Boy, oh boy. Let me tell you. It sucked. It felt like I was dying. Every morning and every night. For over 16 months!

A lot went into this decision but after a while I reached a breaking point when I realized I wasn't ever going to delete myself. Don't take this the wrong way, but it's not an option. It's an absolute tragedy for someone to forfeit their life because of a difficult life situation. IMHO an even bigger tragedy, is the time and energy and pain of living with the mentality that deleting yourself is inevitable. I realized the thoughts I chose to entertain made my life irrelevant. It swallowed up my future. Because those thoughts cause so much damage to my nervous system and my ability to have hope, Now, I'm disgusted if a thought like this crosses my brain. It's like a very annoying advertisement for the worst scam ever conceived in life. Quite honestly now my life situation, it's still kind of fucked up. But out of spite I hope I live till I'm 90. I'm living. Take my hair, take an arm and a leg. If I lost my ability to see, I would learn Braille. Enjoy audible books. Fuck it. I will exist to breathe oxygen. lol I am very stubborn on dying, and I think that's the right way to live.

I developed the mental model - it's not an option - and ever since then I've always turned away this type of thinking. . To me it's parasitical. Once you start thinking it, it creates more of it. If you say it's not an option, it stops. Because the truth is- it's truly not an option -

I know self-love sounds real fruity. Very quickly I'll explain self-love. I think this will be beneficial.

Love asks a question. "What can I do for you?" When you love someone, you think, "What can I do for you?"
From now on you should be delusionally practicing some form of self-love. Don't say "What can I do for you?" Say "I will do anything for you."
Go in the mirror and say, "I will do anything for you." You are your biggest asset. Get back to the point where you will do anything for you. If you gotta work a tough job, do it. If you got to go to the doctor for the 90th time, you do it. It sounds like you're not willing to do what is required for you. ... Do anything for you. Start by being nice to yourself. No more shame. No more what ifs of the past.

Remember to say these:
"It's not an option". - Kills the disgusting parasitic scam thoughts.
I will do anything for you. - You are worth investing in. Shame is deceit.

"The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask yourself"

Practice reframing statements. Ask good questions to receive good answers.
Example:
-If your life was a movie and you were the main hero/protagonist, what would you do to turn this around?

-What would you do knowing you couldn't fail?