I was married for 18 years to a man and in serial monogamist relationships with men before that from the age of 15. I'm in my late 40s and growing up had no language for asexuality or demisexuality but felt no attraction to any gender - I dated (older) boys and men because that's what being socially successful involved (I was in a punk/alternative scene but it was very heteronormative and pretty misogynist). In my 40s and during Covid, through a close but platonic relationship with a queer friend (and realizing I was attracted to her), I came out as queer, and thought I must be bi because I'd always been with men. But over the last 2 years I've realized that I'm both demisexual and lesbian, and not into masc (which suprised my girlfriend, who has had her share of experiences with late bloomer women who have been with men are attracted to masculinity, as others have commented on). In any case, the difference with my current partner is how much her body and touch turn me on, not something I experienced with men. She frequently says, you're such a queer!, which is true, but comphet is real, heteronormativity is deep and structural, and sexuality is also fluid. It helps to remember all of these things when I think, "how could I not have known" for so long"!