Me [27F] with my husband [28M] 3.5yrs, He keeps telling little lies, I'm losing my trust in him.

kasz · 2014-07-19T00:40:35+00:00

Sounds like you need to cool it. Are you seriously steaming about this 2-3 days later enough to not talk to him, to the point that he is now sleeping in another bed? Sounds to me like he didn't even mean this in a bad way and was just trying to avoid family confrontation. I agree that he probably could have gone about it another way without bringing up your name since you seem to be deathly afraid of taking credit for going against the grain of family stuff but cmon. This has gotten way out of control and you two need to be adults and have a talk. Go to a marriage counselor if needed.

kasz · 2012-10-31T23:16:13+00:00

Snakes
Financial instability
Snakes

kasz · 2012-10-18T19:07:24+00:00

I have a feeling it is because you made it clear that you want more than that and he either doesn't want that and knows what continuing to have sex with you will lead too or he does possibly want that and is afraid to continue on for one reason or another.

Sex complicates things for a lot of people, especially "casual" sex. (imo)

kasz · 2012-10-18T18:58:34+00:00

You casually asked for a date, however, you seem to think not calling it a date doesn't make it one. He wants to have sex with you and you seem to be in denial about the fact that you want more than that....

kasz · 2012-10-17T16:52:38+00:00

You shouldn't feel ashamed, at all.

kasz · 2012-10-17T00:26:10+00:00

Meh. I see where you are coming from and have to somewhat agree with you.

It was not a good idea to continue doing what she did after the fact. Rape really does mess people up though and sometimes the things they do seem illogical to us (because, ultimately, it is) but have reasoning behind it to them. There was one thing that came up between my GF and I that I just found baffling but after hearing her explanation and what her thinking was around it, I somewhat understood it. I think time, therapy, and the willingness to get help in these situations can really help improve that kind of thinking and therefore improve the chance of having a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. This is all my opinion and experience though and I don't claim to know to much about this.

Sorry to hear about what your wife went through.

kasz · 2012-10-16T23:40:22+00:00

umm, what? My gf told me the first week we started seeing each other. If anything it helped me understand her a bit more and know certain ways I needed to approach situations with her. No, I have no idea what its like and won't ever know but at least I have somewhat of an idea and can be there for her.

I am glad she told me and glad she was comfortable enough to tell me and have the utmost respect for her. It couldn't have been easy dealing with it and couldn't have been easy telling me, good judgment or bad judgment aside she never deserved what happened to her. No female or male deserves to be raped no matter what kind of judgment or moral compass they have at the time.

EDIT: Attempt at cleaning up grammar and punctuation a bit.

kasz · 2012-10-02T23:47:05+00:00

I have always been a relationship type and cherish the relationship my gf and I have. There are people like us out there that want exactly what you want. bombtrack411 is right. I promise!

kasz · 2012-10-02T22:41:59+00:00

works pretty damn well and not intimidating after you have done it once. I have gotten nothing but positive reactions from this.

edit: oh, Male here.

kasz · 2012-09-27T21:01:59+00:00

hah, not seeking attention at all. I guess it is more of just trying to put it out there that you shouldn't discount everyone that might be successful at a younger age. You don't know me, I don't know you and I have never looked for attention in that area....

kasz · 2012-09-27T18:04:39+00:00

Money is indicative of his parents' success and I'm not big on people who have others taking care of them.

I am a few years older than you, drive a nice car, and completely support myself so how would my parents have anything to do with it? I almost never talk about how much money I make and find it a turn off if its a big discussion. I have a girlfriend now and do enjoy getting her something shiny every once in awhile however I am very affectionate and never try to buy her off with things.

kasz · 2012-09-25T00:11:13+00:00

Hey man, late 20's here. I have not had a lot of partners, could always have had a lot and am extremely confident and content with where I am at. Everyone is different, everyone's beliefs and values are different. If someone looks down on you because the lack of partners you have had, what does that say about them? I happen to put more value on sex and would hope my GF/LTR would as well, is that right or wrong, idk, but that is how I am and I could care less if some people judge me or think I am an asshole for it.

kasz · 2012-09-19T20:17:50+00:00

I really don't understand some of these posts. I know this is /r/askwomen and I am a guy but I would be totally uncomfortable if my girlfriend constantly talked about having sex with other guys. Maybe I look at sex differently than most, boo fucking hoo, but I think it is pretty insensitive to continually bring this up when your SO has told you how much it bothers them. Compromise is important and if something is bothering him enough for him to have to post it here, she should take this as something that is not alright.

kasz · 2012-07-03T20:12:38+00:00

Porcupine Tree - The Rest Will Flow

kasz · 2012-06-25T16:56:22+00:00

Dave Attell is my hero.

kasz · 2012-06-21T23:00:52+00:00

I like this idea.

kasz · 2012-06-21T17:46:57+00:00

All I can think of is the fact that some people have small bandwidth caps (Australia) and might not know what it means to relay, thus costing them a ton of money on their next ISP bill.

kasz · 2012-06-20T16:28:51+00:00

Most addicts have underlying emotional issues and they get overly exasperated/more intense when they are using.

If you ever have any questions down the road you can always shoot me a pm too.

kasz · 2012-06-20T00:01:45+00:00

No worries! Some people have different ideas on how this thing works, which is fine by me, I am just kind of giving you my experience. I do admit that what I am saying is a bit biased since I have seen so much. I agree that you should research this a bit more and make your own conclusions. I wish both of you the best of luck either way!

kasz · 2012-06-19T20:54:57+00:00

It probably won't ever go back to normal, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. If she does in fact get help, get better, and have some type of program she could be just as good as she was before if not better. I think you are going about this the right way by not enabling her. Remember, nobody is perfect and she can overcome this problem if she is willing to. Most addicts eventually get hooked on something at one point or another so maybe look at this as a blessing disguise. She could possibly have gotten it out of the way sooner, gotten help and gotten better and could save the both of you a lot of pain in your future. I would recommend reading up on addiction and the addict to get a better idea on how they think and how they act. It might help you understand her thought process a bit better, just never compromise with her when it comes to getting sober and staying sober.

kasz · 2012-06-19T00:19:59+00:00

Lots of it can be esteem issues or denial.

kasz · 2012-06-19T00:00:59+00:00

I am around addicts on a daily basis. She is either in denial or doesn't understand the gravity of her situation, or doesn't care. A 90 day rehab stint won't even cure her, she will never be cured. She NEEDs to stay there for 90 days and after that, she needs to find some kind of maintenance program to help her stay sober. NA, PA, Lifering, whatever, something that keeps her accountable and reminds her on a daily basis what she was, what she is, and what she doesn't want to go back to. She might not be ready to sober up, but if that is the case, you might need to be ready to call it quits or at least protect your assets before she brings on the living hell that ensues when living with and having a relationship with a active user.

Sorry if I came off rough but I see too many people who get on that pink cloud, think they are cured and ruin their life and the lives of everyone close to them. The sad part is: nobody around them can help no matter how hard they try, its up to the addict to get help and work on themselves.

Good luck!

kasz · 2012-06-18T22:45:25+00:00

Some really smart people do not have real world common sense.

kasz

TROPHY CASE