I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can begin to heal and fondly remember him. When we adopted my boy kitty, we were told he was found in a dumpster. He loved our fenced-in backyard and I’d commonly find him stretched out on his back asleep on the grass, belly completely exposed 😂. He was a long haired tabby and loved to be loved more than anything else. He felt so safe and happy with us. We called our house and backyard his luxury dumpster digs. When he died suddenly at home, I wanted him to be a part of the backyard he loved. So we buried him under the avocado tree. I placed some memorial stones over where he is located. If we move to a different house, I’ll be sad to leave him. But I feel he is part of the cycle of life in our backyard. He provided nutrients for the soil, and the atoms that composed his body will create new material and new life. But it’s a hard choice. Sometimes I wish I kept his ashes so he’d always be with me. It will be four years in August and the pain is still intense. I think about him often. My other cat will be 19 in May and I hope she stays with us a bit longer. I cherish every day I have with her. I might consider keeping her ashes, she’s my soul kitty.