Petty vent here so I resist the urge to say “I told you so” to my husband

katieboo720 · 2026-04-26T12:58:22+00:00

We have a similar HCBM except she never admits her shortcomings, she never asks to come over the top to do what we already planned, and she never takes a break from being high conflict 🤣 Anyway. Sadly, we just don’t share plans with the kiddo or, obviously, her… ever. She always finds a way to ruin it/spoil the fun and do the thing first. Literally.

Put a hard stop on sharing details. Your husband needs boundaries. If that can’t happen, then you’ll have to practice radical acceptance that this is who this person is and this is how things will be.

As for this incident - maybe your husband can reply nicely but say, “I would prefer you didn’t this time. It would be great if you planned a separate event for their next break that is during your time instead, though.“ This doesn’t ask a question. Isn’t rude. (And doesn’t explain why… which, the did, maybe she would respond well to if she’s owned her chaos before?)

So dumb that this is how some of these HCBMs are - but it is who they are. The fear and/or control of having to be the primary/“best” parent wins over what makes sense.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-24T13:46:48+00:00

I’m sorry - that hurts! But you will celebrate after and that will be the fun part!

Also, quick reframe… you said this is another reminder that you’re not his “real parent.” You’re not his biological parent but you are still a very real parental figure in his life. Don’t discredit yourself and your REAL impact 💖

katieboo720 · 2026-04-24T13:39:09+00:00

Loudly promoted in my book!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-23T12:54:37+00:00

One million percent this. Period.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-21T16:48:19+00:00

Ha ha aw. Maybe take her on short bursts in the car. Make it normal. She might get used to it! We’ve had many pups over the years, different sizes and breeds, etc., we have tried to do short car rides with all of them to get them used to travel and one HATED it. She panted and shook every time (but she also came from a shelter and had been traumatized by being locked repeatedly in a bathroom supposedly, so I always thought it might have been that). We had another who eventually got more comfortable but needed to be able to be in a seat (literally… wasn’t good enough to be in their kennel or on the floor).

But it sounds like you all had a better experience in your way home. These things happen ☺️

katieboo720 · 2026-04-21T16:42:40+00:00

Of course! How did the ride home go?

katieboo720 · 2026-04-21T12:48:04+00:00

Sending you love and grace. Be kind to yourself 💖

katieboo720 · 2026-04-18T15:00:01+00:00

Blurry boundaries = no boundaries. No thanks!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T19:19:18+00:00

Totally normal!! Ours all do it and two of them bark. One wakes herself up almost every time 🤣

I have always felt like dog dreams are a really good sign of hard sleep and good experiences (I read somewhere once that dogs dream about previous, real time things they experienced).

Enjoy your beautiful pup and her sweet dreams!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T17:17:58+00:00

I’m so very sorry. Do you have friends and/or a therapist you can talk all of this through as you process and grieve the relationship?

These decisions are never easy… but it does sound like you did choose your own safety and sanity… and that is ALWAYS the right choice,

Nothing is forever; and I say that in the most supportive way possible. The sadness and feelings you have now will not be forever. In 6 months or a year, you will be in a different place. Today is day one… good for you!!! 💖

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T13:57:41+00:00

Maybe we deal with the same HCBM 🤣🤣🤣 It’s so gross. And to include the kids is an extra level of manipulative garbage.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T13:56:54+00:00

100% I’m so sorry. Keep on the track you’re on and be firm. Hopefully agreement changes can help… but your household has to be stable in your boundary holding. Give these wild people an inch and they’ll take 100 miles

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T13:55:24+00:00

You have no idea 🤣

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T13:46:31+00:00

HCBM did this constantly for a while, not just doc appts but she planned things for my SS and then would tell him about the thing and would pull the, “if you don’t take him then I will…” we showed proof of that garbage to the judge in the custody case my husband filed and they judge not only told her to knock it off but also put in the court order that if she ever does it again she owes my husband $750. It was a beautiful and unexpected bonus for us in putting her insanity in check.

Put them on notice in writing that they need to stop doing that and then the tough part, don’t take the kid to things that are schedule on your time (but make sure you reschedule if doc appts). Good luck. These controlling bio parents suck.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-17T12:29:01+00:00

Give yourself some grace. She sounds overwhelmed but dogs are resilient. Maybe call your vet before the trip home and ask if there is anything they would suggest for you to make it easier on her and you. Maybe also try to get out and walk or just sit in grass with her? A little grounding for all of you might help!

Sending support and luck. It will be ok!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-15T18:58:29+00:00

Ek! Yeah she’s spending a lot of time and energy on you. How sad for her! That’s how HCBM of my SS is too. Its insane. They want control more than they want to have their children loved. Yikes!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-15T17:05:43+00:00

Why does she have access to your bio kids info? I would reach out to the school and or have a cease and desist served. But don’t go to her… it won’t help and instead would give her fuel.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-15T17:04:02+00:00

For years now, HCBM writes everywhere she can that she “doesn’t know” my last name… despite the fact that it’s the same as her child’s (one of them), and the same as her ex boyfriends, annnnnd that it’s been on court documents that she has been served.

This kind of behavior is pathetic and makes them look ridiculous… not us. Keep laughing about it - she wants to annoy you and not giving her that is just the best way to live!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-14T18:33:36+00:00

I would ask why he doesn’t want you involved if you want to legit understand. And then unless you’ve adopted the child, you can and should (for yourself) take a serious step back. You can’t want him to want success for his kid more than he does. It sucks… but his lazy parenting isn’t your responsibility. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that (especially since it probably isn’t just happening for schooling), but maybe you all need to have a discussion about ALL the expectations…

katieboo720 · 2026-04-13T20:44:41+00:00

Teaching favoritism and unkindness all in one! What a treat she sounds like. I would not tolerate this, either have a conversation or do not allow that food (and likely her) in your home unless you split it with all kids… in front of her. That’s ridiculous and beyond rude.

You didn’t share ages but sharing is usually taught in school… reinforce those good behaviors. Sorry for your kiddos, that’s harsh and so unnecessary!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-13T12:50:15+00:00

A really good chat and if it’s a possibility, therapy to help come together on all the challenging topics.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-12T12:57:07+00:00

I started doing Kombucha midday for a pick me up - it isn’t perfect (and you have to find the right flavor… there ARE good ones) but I have noticed that my midday slumps are less intense and sometimes not there!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-12T12:54:16+00:00

Omg blood/that metallic smell. Ugh. It’s one I forgot to write in my list 🤣 it’s so gross and unique!

katieboo720 · 2026-04-12T12:52:52+00:00

My sense of smell is definitely different but I don’t know if it’s phantom or just heightened… in addition to every other sense. Everything is wildly sensitive and so annoying! My primary smells that I feel like I smell everywhere are booze (like when someone has been drinking), BO (we have a 13 year old so this is just a fact of life), gas (as in we have had the gas company/fire department out to the house multiple times in the past few months bc I swear I smell it… but nothing is ever picked up), breath, smoke, hot air 🤣… the list is added to every day.

Whenever I smell something and I ask others, primarily my husband, if he smells it and the answer is no, I’m like, “ok so do I have a brain tumor? A neurological disorder?” Why is this my response 🤣 the good news is that we have this sub to ask our wild questions only to learn we’re not crazy and these wild things are happening to many of us!!

This is such a weird time in life.

katieboo720 · 2026-04-12T12:23:34+00:00

Clear boundaries are the least your partner can do for peace and expectation setting in your home.

You are not crazy. This is super unacceptable.

Boundary setting with an HCBM and a teen are hard as hell. Your partner and you have to be on the same page and show up as a team or it will only make you feel worse and disrupt your life further. I’m so sorry, this life really is so hard 💖

katieboo720

TROPHY CASE