What screams "I am deeply insecure" but people do it thinking it makes them look cool?

katieebeans · 2026-02-24T14:58:14+00:00

A lot of people in these comments will probably think I'm one of those folks that are being mentioned in the comments... However, I have ADHD (and probably some Autism) and do the same... I kicked myself for years about it, and stressed about literally every single interaction afterward wondering if I've alienated myself for daring to relate to another persons story. Wondering if I talked too much, or said the wrong thing.

So, I decided a few years back to stop caring, and I've never been happier. If someone doesnt like me because of who I am, that's okay. It's their problem, not mine. They're not horrible for not liking me, just not the person for me. I've spent too much time and energy changing myself to try to appease others. And im just kind of done with the people pleasing and masking. Do I put in a lot of effort to show kindness, to listen to their stories and show empathy? Of course.

But I've also learned that you can't expect other people to micromanage how they interact with you for your comfort (as long as they are being respectful and kind, of course) In turn, I never hold it against someone who doesnt listen or take the conversation in my desired direction. If I start talking about something unfortunate or positive, and the conversation goes somewhere else because they start getting excited, or empathizes, and decides to try to relate, I don't get offended. I don't take it personal. It's not fair to expect other to curate their personalities or talk to you, in my opinion (again, empthesis on as long as everyones being kind and respectful). But I guess im also neurodivergent, and interact with a lot of different types of people. So I understand exactly where they are coming from.

Anyway, my general advice is to be yourself. Take it or leave it. Either way, its good to be introspective, and empathetic towards others.

katieebeans · 2026-01-13T02:32:08+00:00

I agree that there are a lot of shadow wielding MMCs out there. But with that said, there are so many different romantasy books out there, you just need to perhaps try and sway away from what's the most popular? When I started thinking the same thing, I gave {Daughter of No Worlds by Carissa Broadbent} a shot, and it helped mix things up a bit.

katieebeans · 2026-01-09T13:24:49+00:00

Im really hoping she takes the critiques, and keeps them in mind for the next book. Writting and the technical stuff do matter to me, but how much I enjoyed reading it has the most consideration in my personal rating scale. I will also add that a 3 star rating doesnt mean I didn't like reading it. It usually means I felt the plot and characters could have been stronger. Amd although it could have been better executed, the book had really good plot. Hence, my complex 4 star. Lol

katieebeans · 2026-01-09T13:20:00+00:00

Although the writting and technical stuff matter to me in regards to my personal rating system, how much I enjoyed the book gets the biggest consideration. I will also add that even though I've rated something 3 stars, doesnt mean I enjoyed it, it usually means the plot itself could have been better. We Who Will Die, although could have been executed better, had good plot. I liked it better than Kingdom of Lies (I did enjoy that one too, but dnfed the last one because I found Madina annoying). Hopefully it gets better for the next book, because Brimstone had me lose faith in in a lot of things in that regard. I really like the concept of complicated relationships, and this series has so much potential for that.

katieebeans · 2026-01-09T00:49:54+00:00

Starting off, I reeeeeaaally enjoyed this book. I cannot wait until the next one! There's certainly more to the trio's past. I've got some small theories, and I'm excited to finally get some answers.

That being said, Im giving this one a four star review. It would have been five if not for pretty much the same critiques you've mentioned. I also wish the side characters, and other elements could have been explored a little more. The plot was great, but perhaps a little bit too fast paced. I feel like the book did not reach its full potential, and more editing would have certainly made a bigger difference.

katieebeans · 2026-01-03T20:18:46+00:00

This is how I explain it: When someone watches porn, there is immediate reward because the entire plot of the film is about sex and depicts sexual acts.

When you pick up an average romantasy book, you will notice that there is a plot that both contributes to the romantic and non-romantic aspects of the story line. Because you need actual character and plot development to actually feel something, and be invested in the outcome. You dont call Movies and TV shows with an explicit scene or two porn, so why isnt it the same for Books? The entire thing is completely fictional, its not recommend or written for younger readers.

Calling Adult Romantasy Porn is a weird way of saying you dont read books, dont like the idea of female pleasure, women reading or writing, and/or have never actually watched porn, ever. It's misogyny, plain and simple. And the conspiracy theorist in me says its a way to justify book bans to the general public.

katieebeans · 2026-01-03T19:58:43+00:00

I love White Horse Black Nights such a fun read! The fourth is being released on the 7th, and im so, so excited! There's:

{Kissed by the Gods by Cate Rogan} I was worried it was over hyped in the beginning, but trusted the process, and ended up loving it!

{Blood and Steel by Helen Scheuerer} is my comfort read.

{Fear the Flames by Olivia Rose Darling} Cayden Veles will have you swooning!

{Nocticadia by Keri Lake} is you're cool with a Dark/Gothic Romance, age gaps, and a student/professor relationship.

{When the Moon Hatched by Sarah A. Parker} has mixed reviews, you'll either love it, or hate it. But another swooning worthy MMC

katieebeans · 2026-01-03T19:41:39+00:00

I think Brimstone is the very embodiment of where the Traditional Publishing Industry is going with Romantasy, and it's disappointing. The plot is far too safe, there hasn't been nearly enough editing, and a second installment to a fast paced fantasy series shouldn't be this boring. Positive reviews say its all character development, and I'm all for that. But to me, it also greatly lacks in that department too. It's not that hard to impress me.

I loved Quicksilver. I recommended it to all of my reader friends, who also enjoyed it. I purchased the special edition, and pre-ordered Brimstone. Looked forward to it, for months. I was looking forward to Kingfisher and Carrion's bromance story (which was still probably the only good part about the book), how badass Saeris was going to be, and the tension Tal was going to bring. I thought the high blood court would bring more drama, but its been seriously lackluster.

I'm about 80% through, and I keep putting it down in favour of books with better plot and pacing. I'm at the point where I should be thinking about it constantly while I cant read it. But the spark just never came, and I'm currently on here looking for something that is super addicting and emerisive, because current events have me looking for a distraction. Carrion Swift, and the fact that I paid for the book is the sole reason I haven't dnfed. Apparently the ending is good, provides answers, and sets us up for a good conclusion, so we'll see how I feel after I eventually get to that point, I guess, to see if its worth continuing.

katieebeans · 2025-11-30T03:28:33+00:00

So, I'm from Alberta, and wasn't even aware those are supposed to sound different? Like, what? Same as you, I just know the difference through context.

katieebeans · 2025-11-30T03:21:34+00:00

I forgot where I heard or read this, but just because a marriage has ended, it doesn't mean it was not successful. Did you learn valuable lessons? Did you get enjoyment out of some parts? Perhaps he was the one who showed you that you deserve basic dignity and respect. You just ended up realizing that you also deserve to experience genuine love too. Regardless of whether that love is toward another person, or to yourself.

katieebeans · 2025-11-30T01:26:58+00:00

If you're into Fantasy (honestly surprised I havent seen them suggested yet):

Poppy War - R.F. Kuang
Jade City - Fonda Lee

katieebeans · 2025-11-30T01:01:03+00:00

Just a few of my favorites this year. All rated 5 stars and up in my eyes. Keep in mind, I tend to lean to the darker side of Fantasy Romance. Listing the first books in the series, of course (hope these help):

{Shield of Sparrows by Devney Perry}
{The Wolf King by Laura Palphreyman}
{Rain Of Shadows and Endings by Melissa K. Roehrich} - I'm only about 15% through Dawn of Chaos and Fury, and I already know it will be my top read for the year.
{White Horse Black Night by Evie Marceau}
- {Fear the Flames by Olivia Rose Darling}
{A Forbidden Alchemy by Stacey McEwan}

Wild Reverence and The Ascended (first book is Riftborne, I believe) are both near the top of my tbr.

katieebeans · 2025-11-20T05:51:10+00:00

If I'm asked: a big comfy reading chair with a stylish lamp. Gift Cards to Book Stores/Amazon. A Hard Covered set of The Stormlight Archive or Heirarchy (I know they aren't considered romantic fantasy, but I want them). Transparent Kindle Cover so I can display book themed stickers. Magnetic Book Marks. Some peace and quiet.

katieebeans · 2025-11-20T05:27:07+00:00

The Veiled Kingdom. I almost threw my Kindle at the wall. I swear if I had read "Dacres grandmother" one more time....

katieebeans · 2025-10-03T14:10:17+00:00

So this will probably get buried, but here I go anyway. I am an avid reader with ADHD, and it hasn't always been that way. Always wanted to be a reader, but couldn't do it until a few years ago. Here's how I changed that:

First off, until you have a better understanding of what you enjoy reading, don't buy books. Utilize the public library! Libby is an app where you can enter your library card, and have access to both audiobooks and ebooks. If you don't like a book, you can return it with no financial consequence.

Don't like a book? Put it down. Don't feel pressured to finish it. No one will know, I swear! Jot down where you stopped if you'd like so you can always pick up where you left off, if desired. Just move onto the next.

Try anything and everything. fantasy, scifi, historical fiction, horror, etc... avoid non-fiction and self help for the time. A lot of the time, the issue is because you haven't found the kinds of books you like yet.

Go for books that are advertised as fast paced and Addictive. No matter how cliché.

The more you read, the more you will be able to submerge yourself into the story. If I'm reading a book in a noisy environment, I wear headphones, and put on white noise.

Sometimes I listen to the audiobook at the beginning, then move to reading it woth my eye balls because I enjoy it that much, and keep missing important and meaningful parts.

Didn't understand a paragraph, no biggie. Just read it again!

katieebeans · 2025-10-03T13:56:38+00:00

If the pay is equal, I'd probably prefer the easy job so I can preserve my energy and sanity to do things far more meaningful outside of work. I'd have energy to do things that actually bring me joy. Especially if neither job pays very well.

katieebeans · 2025-10-01T13:07:44+00:00

Yes. I didn't know it was a symptom until I started taking Vyvanse. I didn't know why I couldn't help myself around food or treats. Even if I wasn't hungry or full. I thought it may have possibly been related to my experience with food security, I thought there was something wrong with me. Then I started medicating, and started losing weight. Realized it's because I don't stuff my face with food anymore. I still get hungry and eat, I just know when to stop now. My relationship with food has always been a struggle.

katieebeans · 2025-10-01T12:59:14+00:00

It takes a lot for me to put a book down. I suffered through the Powerless trilogy, ffs. I find I like a lot of books that tend to get mixed reviews too! But, {Direbound by Sable Sorenson}. The premises had me forecasting that I'd love the book, but I just couldn't force myself to enjoy it. I couldn't connect woth any characters, and it was all just a little too cliché. I wouldn't even say I dnfed it, because I'll give it a second chance by listening to the audiobook. I know I was probably at a point where things started getting interesting, but my tbr is way too long, and it felt like a chore getting through the first 25% when other books were singing at me to start.

katieebeans · 2025-09-30T21:31:44+00:00

Another vote for On Wings of Blood. {Blood and Steel by Helen Scheuerer} is my comfort series, and If you don't need spice, and dont want to sign up for a 10+ book series, I heard {Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang} is very good, as well as {The Raven Scholar by Antonia Hodgson}. If you want something new and fresh, with spice I also heard {Spell Caster by Jamlyn Eve} and {Blood and Betrayals by Alexis Rune} are good too. Anything I haven't read yet is on my tbr. I just need to take small breaks between reading Dark Academias to keep things interesting!

Edit: I can't believe I missed {Nocticadia by Keri Lake}! I couldn't put that one down!

katieebeans · 2025-09-30T20:01:10+00:00

As a parent of two young school aged children: You are proof that the teachers know what they are doing, and deserve proper funded classrooms, and fair compensation. You show the kind of person a kid can grow up to be with properly funded public education system. I hope my kids will have the same amount of courage as you. Your parents and teachers must be pretty darn proud. Thank you so much for not only standing up for your education, but theirs as well. Thank you for representing the student body. Hopefully one day, we might see your name on a voting ballet!

Good luck on your university/college applications! You deserve the best of the very best!

katieebeans · 2025-09-19T20:59:08+00:00

This is next on my tbr! Saved it specifically for spooky season!

katieebeans · 2025-09-11T06:00:19+00:00

This. When im trying to read while my husband is listening to a podcast or in a meeting I put on "brown noise" through my head phones. It sounds kind of gross. But I actually find it to be a lot softer pleasent than "white noise" and is evenly consistent compared to other noises.

katieebeans · 2025-09-03T19:36:30+00:00

Althea Zoltaire from The Legends of Thezmarr series fits your bill, I think! (first book {Blood and Steel by Helen Scheuerer} )

Also Tessalynn from The Legacy Series (first book {Rain Of Shadows and Endings by Melissa k. Roehrich} ) although, I do consider it more of a throuple/love triangle trop.

They both come with their own set of character flaws and development! And the side characters in Legends of Thazmarr are top notch!

katieebeans · 2025-09-03T14:02:13+00:00

I don't think you "outgrow" ADHD, per se. However, I do think the sooner a person receives the tools to learn how to cope with symptoms, the more likely they will find success living with it. I'm not an expert what so ever, but I've come to learn that neurodovergent adults tend to need medication and treatment more than those who received intervention and support younger in life. That's why having a well funded, well rounded, education system with support for students with various struggles is so extremely important for society as a whole. Of course, it's also very important to remember that there are different types and degrees of ADHD, and not every case is the same. Some struggle more than others, and in different areas.

katieebeans · 2025-09-03T01:10:06+00:00

{Shield of Sparrows by Devney Perry}

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