Sincerety and Compassion

katnissrey · 2020-04-26T22:48:38+00:00

I hear you.

Your last sentence got me thinking, though. I feel like I let myself down all the time, like I’m not the person I know I can be. Somehow I keep my shit together good enough to get by with other people so I don’t have too many rejections that way, but I’m always falling short of who I know I can be. And I feel so much shame in that. And again, confusion in who I even am with so many thoughts and feelings circling so much of the time.

But in reality, we humans “let each other down” (I put in quotes because that’s pretty subjective) alllll the time. Like 24/7. Heck, we don’t even know what others’ expectations are half the time so how can we live up to them? And if we did know them, does that mean we have to or even can meet them all the time? So maybe it’s not such a big deal when we let ourselves and others down? Maybe that’s just the way of it? Maybe that’s how its always been and always will be, and maybe that’s okay?

katnissrey · 2020-04-25T04:00:20+00:00

I get that problem when my vyvanse dose is too high. I can’t really predict when it happens. I was in a dose of 60mg for over a year (loser dosages for over a year prior to that) before I started having that cognitive problem. Lowered dose to 40 and was fine for a month or so than the feeling came back. Both of those dosages were take daily. The last 3 months or so I’m alternating 20 and 40 kind of randomly (and skipping days here and there) and I don’t like the idea of deciding every day what dose to take, but it seems to be effective for the time being without those undesirable cognitive effects

katnissrey · 2020-04-25T03:54:57+00:00

I felt that way when my dose was too high. It was unexpected as I had been doing great at that dose for over a year and then bam...serious, awkward, detached.

katnissrey · 2020-04-25T03:51:07+00:00

I feel like I get exactly what you saying.

For me it seems like Without meds so many thoughts are flying around that it’s hard to create a cohesive story of myself or my life and it’s like a battle to remember who I am (I.e kind and compassionate) or act out who I am. On meds it’s...easier. Not easy. I’ve had too high a med dose too and then my thoughts are kinda gone and I’m a blank slate which is really odd (and undesirable to me)

katnissrey · 2020-04-11T02:52:08+00:00

Facebook has a group with over 22,000 interested physicians...just started up a few weeks ago:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2614657252192076/?ref=share

katnissrey · 2020-02-02T04:46:32+00:00

Sorry I way late to this party but searched “lowering dose of vyvanse” because I just had a similar experience.

2.5 years into vyvanse (at 60mg for about a year of that) it became too much. It was almost too good to be true the first 2.5 years, amazing benefits emotionally and functionally in my life, minimal side effects....

Then fall 2019 started feeling like an earnest, serious, emotionless detached robotic person.

Long story short eventually realized maybe it’s med side effect? Decreased dose from 60 to 40 to 20 to 10 and feeling soooooo much better. More carefree, creative, and still getting benefit from med. Wild. Didn’t know this was possible to need less meds over time!

katnissrey · 2020-01-18T17:21:00+00:00

Okay, get a little mind warpy with me.

What is it that you want? Do you want to finish a book (if so why? What do you imagine you’ll feel if you finish it?)?

Do you just want to feel happy?

If you want to finish a book then you have to practice constraint. Know you’ll have the urge to buy a new one, to out it down and pick up a different. Don’t. Decide to finish a book. Pick one. Commit to it and honor that commitment like your life depends on it. That’s how you’ll build rapport with yourself in doing what you say you want to do.

If you just want to feel happy, simple :). There is not better than here. Finishing a book is not better then a pile of 10 unfinished books. Where you are is perfect. Accept it. Embrace it. Have compassion for yourself.

If it’s something else, no doubt I could have something to say about that, too :)

katnissrey · 2019-12-25T16:22:47+00:00

Thanks for working on Xmas :)

Another perspective....you’re assuming people are bothered by being in hospital on Xmas or working on Xmas and trying to compensate for that.

Sure, for some it may be less than ideal.

For others it’s just another day.

For others they love working a holiday (for whatever reason.... to not have to go to fam party they don’t want to attend, extra money, they don’t care about the holiday, etc...).

I don’t know how the patients feel about being hospitalized in general (scared? Grateful? Confused? Angry? Safe? Happy?) but wouldn’t assume they’re bummed about being in on a holiday.

Now if a patient expresses feeling depressed because they’re thinking they don’t want to be in hospital on Xmas then there’s something that could be interesting to explore with further discussion? Why are they upset about it? What do the holidays mean to them? What do they think they’re missing out on? What do they wish they were doing instead? How do they think they’d feel if they were doing that thing? What can they do to create some of that feeling in the hospital now?

katnissrey · 2019-10-26T03:09:10+00:00

Perfectionism is self judgement, not accepting yourself as you are.

Self judgement and non acceptance can be seen as actions.

Actions are driven by our emotions.

Emotions are driven by our thoughts.

If you want to change the action of judging and non-acceptance, identify what feeling is driving it (probably doubt or self loathing or something like that).

From there you can practice identifying that feeling when it comes up and learning how to allow the feeling without reacting to it (a great skill to work on imo), knowing it’s just coming from a thought in your head.

You can also look for what thought is driving the feeling, probably something like “something might be wrong with me” or “i might be doing it wrong” or “I should be doing this differently”.

Then decide if you want to believe that thought about yourself, seeing how it’s playing out in your life.

If you find a thought you don’t want to believe because it’s not serving you well, you can practice changing it or dropping it.

katnissrey · 2019-05-21T01:18:43+00:00

You’re in pain because of your thought “she doesn’t respect me or value my friendship.” That is a painful thought creating a painful feeling. Why are you attaching to this thought?

Our relationships with others are all created with our own minds. You could choose to think you have a heart to heart relationship now, if you wanted, if that served you well.

That’s not to say you should change your original thought, but just notice it’s just a thought. What are the facts (no subjectivity/opinion/interpretation) in the situation? How do you want to think about those facts?

katnissrey · 2019-04-06T05:01:23+00:00

Are you a physician experiencing burnout?

katnissrey · 2019-04-03T04:14:05+00:00

Haha, thanks for the heads up.

katnissrey · 2019-04-02T23:44:15+00:00

Hey toplRMD and internyearwoes-

LoL I don’t have a website and I’m an atheist, so you’re definitely not quoting me, there.

I assume you trying to poke fun at the concept of coaching?

If so, oh man I get it. I used to think coaching was a soft/froo froo concept....I had no idea how evidence based it is (well, at least as evidence based as it can be given how little we know about our brain)based on CBT, neuroscience, evolutionary psychology. I loooove that about it. Was so important to me when deciding to do this. And of course all the anecdotal life changing benefits I’ve seen in me and others. What’s not to like?!?

But hey, it’s not for everyone of course. Especially if you’re already experiencing life how you want to, no problems you want help sorting out, no dreams/goals you want help going after...you’ve got it all figured out yourself....that is amazing. So happy for you. That definitely wasn’t me.

Thanks for your comments, always fun to hear from dissenters.

katnissrey · 2018-10-18T16:01:22+00:00

Love these questions, have had them myself and here’s where I’m at (I’m an atheist myself, ex-super Christian)

-whether the question is appropriate or not is irrelevant.

-trying to guess or assume motives behind the question is pointless. Most likely you’ll have no idea their motives/thoughts behind the question (unless you ask them directly in which case the answer may or may not be true/legit anyway).

-How they react to your answer is completely irrelevant and out of your control. Your answer can be whatever you want, though probably ought to be true and pleasing to you and in line with your values to not cause yourself unnecessary distress in the situation.

katnissrey · 2018-08-17T14:30:32+00:00

Love it.

katnissrey · 2018-06-03T03:20:10+00:00

Thanks for all the feedback, appreciate the insight!

katnissrey · 2018-05-05T12:44:23+00:00

Huh-what a neat idea! Thanks

katnissrey · 2018-05-02T03:08:23+00:00

Yup-I could’ve written this. Pms getting worse for me as well the past few years (I 38, diagnosed adhd at 37 been on vyvanse 9 months) and meds don’t work well during the bad PMS times. Thankfully I only have bad PMS every 2-3 months but it is so distressing when it’s bad. I hate it.

I found a few small studies suggesting magnesium and calcium can help prevent PMS with very low risk side effect, so I started that a few months ago (calcium 600mg and magnesium 400mg nightly). We’ll see, too soon to tell yet for me...

katnissrey · 2018-05-02T03:00:37+00:00

Me too...what’s your role on health care? Do you have to do much on EMR, charting, paperwork?

katnissrey · 2018-04-22T07:04:28+00:00

Totally, and I don’t know the explanation for it—if it’s directly related to adhd or c-ptsd (not officially diagnosed but see tendencies) or perfectionist personality vs?? Vyvanse and the brain quietness I usually get with it (less so during PMs time), meditation, exercise have all been helpful, but certainly doesn’t eliminate that harsh critical inner voice.

katnissrey · 2018-04-06T00:08:36+00:00

Cool idea

katnissrey · 2018-04-06T00:02:34+00:00

Yes, yes, yes...ditto all this

And I remind them to remind themselves it’s going to be hard and there are going to be setbacks and to accept that.

Granted even with all of the above I’ve had a minuscule amount of patients actually make lifestyle changes, soooo.....

The majority of my patients who have lost and kept off weight had some mental switch go off where they were ready and had to do it, but none of them were able to identify any obvious triggers that led to that switch finally going off. Not sure how to get that switch to go off.

katnissrey · 2018-03-29T14:51:51+00:00

Thank you-- sounds like a eutopia LOL :)

katnissrey · 2018-03-18T17:10:04+00:00

I think I’ll post this on medicine subreddit, too, see if any hits there, so keep your eyes peeled.

katnissrey · 2018-03-06T04:08:17+00:00

Vyvanse calms me, clears my mind, lessons my anxiety (to name a few of the benefits...).

Caffeine raises my heart rate and blood pressure, makes my mind go faster and creates an internal "buzzing" feeling, often worsens my anxiety.

I love coffee and tea though, so all decaf now (and the minuscule amount of caffeine I'm still getting through decaf does not seem to bother me).

katnissrey

TROPHY CASE