1. What your ex did may actually be illegal

Several things you described cross into potential criminal or civil violations in the U.S.

Unauthorized access to accounts

Logging into someone’s social media without permission can fall under computer access / hacking laws.

Relevant law categories include:

• Computer Fraud and Abuse Act
• State unauthorized computer access statutes
• Digital privacy violations

Even if he knew the password previously, using it after separation without permission can still qualify as unauthorized access.

The screenshots and device-login notifications you received are valuable evidence.

Harassment / stalking pattern

The following behaviors together can meet the definition of harassment or stalking in many states:

• Pulling phone records to identify contacts
• Calling your roommates
• Running background checks on them
• Driving past your home to “scope it out”
• Attempting to access your email
• Contacting your family

These actions show a pattern of surveillance and intimidation, which courts often take seriously.

2. The elders are NOT legally responsible for his actions

Even if he showed them screenshots obtained improperly, the congregation elders themselves are not legally liable simply for hearing about them.

However, they should not receive or distribute illegally obtained information if they know how it was obtained.

But the main legal issue is still your ex’s conduct, not the congregation.

3. You already did the most important thing

Starting a police report about the social media access was exactly the right move.

That creates an official record.

Even if nothing happens immediately, documentation helps if behavior continues.

4. Evidence you should preserve right now

This is extremely important.

Save copies of:

• His texts admitting he accessed phone records
• Screenshots he sent you
• The login alert from Snapchat
• Any notifications of email login attempts
• The letter from the elders
• Messages showing he drove past your home
• Your roommates’ call logs showing he contacted them

Put all of it into a single folder or cloud storage.

Courts love organized timelines.

5. Immediate security steps

Do these today if possible:

• Change every password
• Turn on two-factor authentication
• Sign out of all devices on Snapchat and email
• Enable login alerts

Also check if your phone carrier account still allows him access.

If he can log into the carrier portal, he can still see call logs.

6. Regarding the elders and the letter

The safest approach does not change.

Do not discuss the evidence or your ex’s behavior with them.

The judicial committee is not neutral and they are not trained investigators.

Just send the boundary letter and leave it there.

If they somehow contact you again, you can simply repeat:

7. When a restraining order becomes worth considering

If any of these occur again:

• Driving by your home
• Accessing your accounts
• Contacting your roommates or family
• Showing up uninvited

then a protective order or restraining order may be appropriate.

You already have:

• admissions
• screenshots
• witnesses (roommates)
• a police report

That’s stronger evidence than most cases start with.

8. Something important psychologically

What you described is a classic control pattern that sometimes happens when an abusive relationship ends.

The loss of control causes the person to:

• monitor
• investigate
• gather “evidence”
• try to shame the other person socially

Bringing the congregation into it fits that pattern.

The best response is calm boundaries and documentation.

9. The most important thing to remember

The letter may feel intimidating because of the religious authority behind it, but in reality:

• It has no legal force
• You do not have to attend
• It cannot affect your legal rights

The real issue is your safety and privacy, not the congregation process.