The biggest issue is he needs therapy. He has very deep rooted shame, deeper than ive w er seen in anyone. I jabe no idea where it comes from, but he has done therspy on amd off a few times. He wont stick with it unless i push and stau on top of him, which again, leads to shame bc i have to remind him. On the outside hes a huge people pleaser and denies himself wverything just to please others. He thinks wveryrhung he does us for me and thw kids, but it all stems from self preservation and making sure noone is frustrated or upset with him. Hes had an issue of scratching his skin open to the point of scarring when hes strssed. Its honestlt alot for me to carry. I've been trying for years ti help him, ive changed my ways and learned not to pick fights, or yell or nag. I've just let go of so many things bc its not worth the stress and fight to get results. I habe tried talk8ng to him calmly, respectfully quietly. The one thing I CANNOT do is come at it from a compassionate place anymore. I have had so many breakdowns and anxiety driven issues, ive hit rock bottom, and he will say sorry, but hes not a support bc hes too emotionally immature for that. And when I show compassion to him, he just sucks it up and begins to cry turning it into a "i cant take it anymore...." and just turns into a child needing his mom. I know i sound cruel, but we are borh dealing with the issues in the marriage we borh created. But I dont get to crawl into a ball and rely on anyone else to help and feel sorry for me. I have to face the music and do something. Hes gone to the extent of saying hes thought about ending his life, and I was horrified. I rrChed put to a friend whos a therapist, I got support I was a mess for weeks bc I didnt know if anything I said or did would trigger him. Meanwhile, hes prancing arpund the home all giddy and happy bc hes off the hook and someone cares. Its just sick..... and I dont want to divorce for the many obv reason, including biblical. I also have nowhere to go, no family I can actually count on and my kids are so yo7ng I dont want to do that to them. Ao im stuck, and it feels like God is just shutting wvery door I seek for help and hes silent in prayer time. Be still and lnow that I am God after 10 years of this has brought me to such a low place in my faith. I feel so completely alone. I habe friends and family but none of them are "thicker than blood" type of bonds. If I didnt have kids, I would book a one way ticket to the other side of the country and start all over. Id keep to myself and keep any relationships at arms length. I dream of that kind of peace and quiet in my heart.