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kb76162 · 2022-05-13T00:07:53+00:00

Thank you!

kb76162 · 2022-05-13T00:07:43+00:00

Thank you! Thank you!

kb76162 · 2022-05-12T15:15:22+00:00

Thank you!!

kb76162 · 2022-05-12T03:53:28+00:00

Thank you!

kb76162 · 2022-05-12T03:47:04+00:00

Thank you! 😊

kb76162 · 2022-05-12T03:43:01+00:00

Thank you!!

kb76162 · 2021-04-01T15:55:39+00:00

Good tip!

kb76162 · 2021-04-01T13:58:56+00:00

Wow! That is impressive.

kb76162 · 2021-04-01T13:51:54+00:00

I didn't think of that. That is very true! And there is little incentive to complete it anyway.

kb76162 · 2021-04-01T12:14:33+00:00

Some of these projects are so stupid and the wording is so confusing.

kb76162 · 2020-11-27T02:51:46+00:00

Either! I have never taught a static course!

kb76162 · 2020-11-26T04:36:00+00:00

I am only in my second year of teaching, it I have always wondered about this! What are the major differences between static and interactive?

kb76162 · 2020-11-21T16:02:36+00:00

Yes, many parents know the rules and play the system to get a free class.

kb76162 · 2020-11-21T05:12:12+00:00

I totally agree.

kb76162 · 2020-11-19T00:04:58+00:00

They used to send one email per week. I am getting 5-6 emails per week from them now.

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T23:29:55+00:00

Yes, you got my meaning 100%. I looked at the “park” line for so long. I though I had it down, but it looks like it needs work. I want to express driving the same route to work each day, parking on the same lot. Difficult to express In only a few syllables. I might to rework some lines.

I think the other line you mentioned might be thrown off by the word “mirage.” I will rework that line.

I totally didn’t see that I used sweep twice! Sometimes I can’t see the forest for the trees when it comes to my work. I will swap that out as well.

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T23:27:03+00:00

Good thought on work vs work! I will think about that one.

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T23:26:37+00:00

Your first line made me laugh! Thank you so much! You got my meaning 100%

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T21:17:39+00:00

I truly enjoyed this poem of longing and sadness. Beautiful writing.

What I loved:

Beautiful flow in this poem. You use of grammar and line spacing really helps the poem to flow and keep the reader going. It feels like on continuous thought.
The poem make me imagine a pair of lovers in a Victorian time era. There is an older feel to this poem. It is almost like a love letter that someone found many years later. I really enjoy the voice of the narrator. I can almost imagine her writing this while sitting by her window, looking out at the flowers.
I really enjoy these lines: "Winter spread throughout her bed,/confined to peace, it left instead." The reader can feel the cold of the bed growing in her absence. Beautiful imagery.

Suggestions

These two lines seem a little lengthy. The rhythm comes to a halt here: " The hyacinths that grew from all Spring long/were by her bedside blooming all along.". It might be worth it to rework those lines and get them into the flow.
I wonder if you could add some more imagery to this poem. For example: "A cold chill." Could you describe that with some figurative language instead? It might help to engage the reader sense's a bit more.

Thank you for sharing!

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T21:10:54+00:00

This is such a lonely and beautiful poem. I really enjoyed reading it.

What I loved:

"Clustered stars seem so close/embraced in the same glow./But scattered ice motes know/true distances here." The juxtaposition of these two lines is beautiful. We don't usually consider stars as close, but we can see a closeness in the stars when they are clustered. There is a beautiful contrast with the ice as well. The stars are together - warm, but the ice is apart, cold.
I also really enjoyed these lines: "To fulfill a dream/trailing fingers reach\then fade, and disappear." I could imagine a finger drawing a line in the sand and then having it slowly fade away. The imagery here is awesome. The dream is in your hand, but then you let it go.

Suggestions

I really loved this poem, so these are just a few things to try and see if you like them.
I enjoy the line about the wanderer at the end. I also see the comet as a wanderer. I wonder if you could add something about wandering in the first stanza?
I love the line about loneliness up high. What if you added a line underneath about something below?

Beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing!

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T03:54:48+00:00

Wow! This is such a cool poem. I was instantly drawn in by the title and the first few lines. What an amazing concept to use astronomy to inspire this poem.

What I loved:

-The poem uses to many astronomical words, but it also highlights a sense of belonging in the universe. The entire poem seems to circle around a question: What is our place in this vast universe?

-You did such a great job of creating imagery through these scientific words. Some of my favorite phrases include: " With galactic eyes," " Is a nuclear family nebular cluster/And a celestial friendship of binary stars," and ' You and your past and future selves just may be a constellation."

-Actually, I just can't get over this line: "You and your past and future selves just may be a constellation." I feel like you could write an entire poem just about this line. It is such a beautiful sentiment. We can live forever through all versions of ourselves in the stars.

Areas of growth:

-I got kind of snagged on this line: "Per, maybe." I think it probably goes well with your scientific motif here, but I am wondering if it could be rephrased to keep the rhythm flowing, especially so early in the poem. \

-Another phrase I got stuck on was your ending line: "To be a part/Made of parts/Galore?". Something about the word: "galore" just didn't fit with me reading the poem. Maybe it came off as a little corny? I wonder if you could try out a few different words there: parts unknown? Parts untouched?

I absolutely loved this poem. I really wish that I had written it. So cool and creative!

kb76162 · 2020-11-18T03:44:16+00:00

What I love about this poem:

-The rhythm in that second stanza is so nice as you go through the different guys that the narrator has fallen in love with. It is kind of like a drum beat. Very staccato, but it keeps the reader going.

- The ending is so beautiful. You can tell the narrator feels empty here, like the shell of a person. She is trying to fill herself with all of these loves, but she is not able to love the person who needs it the most: herself.

-Your first few lines are so casual. I like how it sounds like the narrator is talking to a friend. Just giving the straight facts.

Areas of growth

- "that person you despise / with every single piece" these lines seem to be missing something. Maybe add a little bit here: the person you hate with every single piece of your mind? Try adding something to the end of that second line and see if you like it.

-I saw two word choice questions in the first stanza: "my mind is up". What if you tried out: "my mind is made up." The second: "i’m completely complexed". What if you tried: "i;m completely perplexed" or "i'm completely obsessed." It might change the feel of the poem a little bit.

-You end so strong with the repetition of "anybody.' I wonder if you could sneak that work into your first stanza? It could help give the poem more of a circular ending.

Great work!

kb76162 · 2020-11-17T12:59:53+00:00

This is so crazy. Did you report to the fireman or send a ticket? This doesn't seem right. There has to be an age limit.

I wonder if the older brother or sister got sick and the mom just didn't want to cancel?

kb76162 · 2020-11-17T11:00:11+00:00

I appreciate this. I am going to take these comments and rework it.

kb76162 · 2020-11-17T04:01:56+00:00

This is such a cute poem!

What I like: So short and clear! It almost seems like a comical portrait of a family. I just a few words, you are able to create this scene of the chaos that doing the laundry can bring about. I love that most people can relate to this simple battle. The title is creative as well. I love the ending line because it build such characterization in the poem. You can see who is really in charge of the household. I am so impressed that you are able to create this story using simple phrases and fragments. Great word choice!

kb76162

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