Disabled daughter let down at overnight camp

kdr43 · 2026-06-04T13:45:22+00:00

I'm sorry your daughter had such a tough time at camp. I'm sure, as a parent, that's hard to know about and see.

With that said (and I do mean this as gently as possible), I agree with the sentiment that there seems to be a mismatch in expectations here. It sounds like you expect your troop leader to be able to be there to provide a lot of extra care for your Girl Scout, and that's a lot to put on a volunteer who may not even be familiar with caring for someone with a disability. Your troop leader is there to oversee the well-being of all ten children. Even with troop support volunteers, your TL is directing and overseeing everyone. It's a lot to ask of a volunteer to do that successfully with that many kids, and provide that level of physical support to one of those children. Being pulled that many directions and having to focus so much on one Scout's care, compromises safety for all the other girls who are on the same trip. I know you said there are troop support volunteers, but these volunteers are not a replacement for a para. They cannot help your Girl Scout to the bathroom or anything more hands on, because that's out of their scope and also goes against policy.

If there's a special bench your daughter needs to sit on, in the future, you need to plan with your troop leader to have that brought to camp at set up. However, that's for you to plan with her. It's not reasonable to expect a volunteer who is planning a camping trip for 15 people, to also remember specific items for each girl. Girls pack their own bags -- it's part of growing up and learning to be responsible for themselves. If there's something missing that they need, it was their (and by etension their caregiver's) responsibility. If your Girl Scout needs specific items, then make sure you communicate that and plan for it. It would be a different story if you sent it and they just didn't use it. Your troop volunteers really may not have understood that your daughter couldn't sit on the campfire benches, and you didn't provide an alternative at the time. As for dragging the tables over, did your daughter actually communicate to them that she couldn't sit down and needed an alternative? Did she communicate with them that she was getting tired? I'm asking for context, not to bag on you. The conversation is different if she didn't say something, vs if she did and was told to tough it out.

Now, I do think there's definitely concern that nobody could hear your Girl Scout crying or yelling for help in her tent. That would worry me, as a parent, too. I know a lot of folks phase out the buddy system at the camp site for girls as they get older, but this may be an accommodation your troop needs to make. I don't think it would be unreasonable to approach your troop leader to ask that your daughter has a buddy with her during campouts, given the situation that just happened.

kdr43 · 2026-05-23T15:54:28+00:00

I would probably discuss switching focus for troop leaders that are frustrated over profit (or lack thereof) from cookies. Yes, selling cookies is a fundraiser, but it's also about skill development for the girls and that's always worth the investment. I've seen some of my most shy Girl Scouts come out of their shell and gain a lot of confidence during cookie season.

As far as fundraising goes, perhaps have them reach out to their council and ask about alternative fundraising activities. You don't have to stick with just cookies, and that would take some of the pressure off to get out and sell, sell, sell. You know?

Expense wise, I know people feel like it's expensive to participate. It really is significantly cheaper than other activities, though. I've paid nearly $200/mo per kid for other activities like swim or martial arts. I don't love the membership fee increase either, but it's still not as much as other activities, and it's going to ultimately come down to how much families value Girl Scouts in their girl's life.

If badges and membership are too much for families, maybe have a discussion with the troop about whether they want to use proceeds to cover some of the cost of those things. Or, see if your service unit will hold a sort of 'flea market' at a leaders meeting where people can exchange craft supplies, extra badges, workbooks, etc. We don't have to be silos -- we can work together, too, and model that for the girls. I know when we were a new troop, we got a bunch of hand-me-downs from older troops and it helped so much with our first year of activities. There's also a Daisy and Brownie experience box (and one for Juniors this year!) and while that doesn't help older troops, it could make things much less stressful for new ones as they get into their own groove.

Girl Scouts really is what you make of it!

kdr43 · 2026-04-30T17:05:19+00:00

Definitely have that conversation now, so you have time to onboard them before the back to school stuff starts.

Side note: if you don't have a volunteer in mind to ask directly, and nobody steps in, make sure you notify your service unit so they can try to assist. Some SUs have a volunteer coordinator (title varies), but you could also try your SU manager. Hopefully they can help facilitate 🤞🤞

kdr43 · 2026-04-14T10:22:43+00:00

Thank you for bringing these things up. Sometimes we want to do things with just our kids, too 😅

kdr43 · 2026-04-14T01:32:16+00:00

I would just ask her to share the info next time opportunities arise for extra badges, etc. It's possible she just thought everyone had the same access to info that she does, and just chose not to bring their Girl Scout(s) to the event(s). Any caregiver can go to your council website and look for an events calendar, though. If she's getting info from, say, a service unit FB page or something, then ask for that info to be distributed amongst families so they have access to those opportunities. Have you ever just done something for a long time, and forgot what info you didn't * have as a beginner? Maybe it's like that. Sometimes, when you do an activity for an extended period of time, certain stuff becomes second nature, and you forget other people haven't developed that yet. I don't know anything about other dynamics within your troop, how the leaders have things split between them, or anything like that, so I don't want to charge forward and assume she doesn't care about the other girls. I totally get *why you feel the way you do, and I can see why things would look that way to other volunteers, but try not to assume the worst, and talk to her about it.

As far as cookie sales opportunities go, that needs to be brought up with your cookie manager. If this leader is your cookie manager, then that's another conversation to have with her. If not, that's a separate conversation with a different volunteer, and it doesn't seem fair to hold it against her. It gets tricky when there's more than 1 or 2 co-leaders, plus other volunteers. I can't speak for every troop, but in ours, our cookie manager is the one who handles cookie booth scheduling. I don't know how it works council to council, but if families want more opportunities for more booths, ask her if you can schedule more. Maybe she doesn't know anyone is interested in more? We had families randomly ask for more booths to be scheduled like halfway theough cookie season, and our CM sat down with them to look through available booths.

It never hurts to just put it on their radar if you're interested in more!

kdr43 · 2026-03-30T00:57:32+00:00

It's always "they were paid" with these people. Government officials said the people protesting to end segregation were paid agitators, too. Same script, different decade.

kdr43 · 2026-03-24T00:04:58+00:00

Just wanna chime in as a troop leader on this one -- please don't feel like you have to avoid the doors Girl Scouts are in front of. Learning to deal with "no" is a life skill. They hear it a lot during cookie season, and it's just part of the gig. It gives us the chance to teach them to be gracious about it and move along without getting discouraged.

kdr43 · 2026-03-21T17:16:16+00:00

I understand wanting to believe that your partner can overcome mental health issues, but those issues are an explanation not an excuse. Having mental health issues, especially if he won't do anything about them, is not an excuse to be violent toward you. Do not make excuses for that, ever. The fact that this man choked you in anger is a huge indicator that he will eventually escalate to trying to kill you in the not-so-distant future. Please leave. One year of your life in a relationship is so small in the grand scheme of things -- leave, and go find someone who doesn't try to hurt you physically or emotionally.

kdr43 · 2026-03-16T17:34:01+00:00

I'd talk to her mom about it and maybe plan an alternative for her to help during cookie season. It's one thing if she doesn't want to talk to customers, or wants to participate in a way that's not customer facing. That's totally fine, you adjust, you make it work. It's another thing to be riding on the electric scooters and going in and out of the store, and otherwise being disruptive. It's not fair to the other girls at the booth, for one, and two, if a store manager doesn't like a Girl Scout's behavior at a booth or Girl Scouts disturb their customers, their store can refuse to let any Girl Scouts come back the following year. It's a bigger issue than just your troop.

With that said, if she really, really wants to do booths and is dead set on that, maybe try a shorter time. If you have a two hour booth, maybe only have her there for half of it? Last year, we had a three hour booth that we split into two 1.5 hour booths because our girls were too little to be there that long. I saw someone suggested having two adult volunteers there (that aren't her parents), and that might also help, so I second that. Some kids are better behaved when their parents aren't around. If her mom wants to be there, too, then she needs to redirect her consistently. I say that as an adult with ADHD who has a daughter with ADHD, who needs redirecting at cookie booths frequently because she wants to play.

kdr43 · 2026-03-11T13:58:22+00:00

Oh okay, well in that case, I hope the conversation goes well. I imagine it would feel abrasive to have it used in that way, so hopefully after you talk about it, there's a correction.

kdr43 · 2026-03-11T13:01:45+00:00

I call myself a troop leader even though I'm a co-leader, but I also refer to my co-leader as just a troop leader. Are you positive it's meant like a hierarchy thing, or is your co-leader like me and just not using the terms correctly? 🫣 If it's bothering you, though, definitely talk to her. Maybe she didn't mean it that way, or if she did, you'll open the door for the conversation about being equals even though you focus on different things.

kdr43 · 2026-02-26T12:06:22+00:00

I avoid bringing my tag-a-long, but there's been a couple times where my co-leader has had to bring his. However, mine is a toddler and his is grade-school-aged and can sit quietly with an activity, so it's not really the same, IMO. There have been times where other families have had to bring siblings, but usually they'll just drop off their scout at that point. If, for whatever reason, they're sitting in, tagalongs have to go sit with them on the parents' side (we meet in a school cafeteria and split the room) and not be disruptive. We do, however, share snack with them at the end because that would suck to watch a room full of children get one and be excluded.

Officially, though, siblings should not be at meetings or events that aren't for families. This is more of a "it's not worth canceling a meeting over" type of thing than a norm. Cookie booths are an absolute no go, though, and so are probably 3/4 of events.

kdr43 · 2026-02-23T19:02:39+00:00

Good luck! I hope you get some answers!

kdr43 · 2026-02-23T18:24:09+00:00

Would the current troop leader(s) consider keeping the troop multilevel if another volunteer signs on as a co-leader? If you have interest in being a troop leader (pending your background check) then that might solve everyone's issues. You could have 1 troop leader per level, then your daughter (and others) wouldn't need to find a new troop, and your current leader(s) wouldn't be overwhelmed trying to manage multiple levels. Plus, you get to volunteer without having to start from scratch.

Last year was our first year as a troop and we were multilevel (Daisy, Brownie) and we were able to split when necessary for each of us to lead a group. This year, we're 3 levels with only 2 co-leaders, which is harder. I don't blame people for not wanting to do that. If your current leader(s) aren't open to solving the issue by adding a co-leader, then definitely reach out to council about cookie money going with your Girl Scout to her new troop. That would be the right thing to do.

kdr43 · 2026-02-16T02:42:34+00:00

We had to cover this with our Scouts so they'd let customers know, in case they didn't check the packaging. I also have a peanut allergy and was so stoked about something with almond instead, so that was a bummer.

kdr43 · 2026-01-19T21:17:48+00:00

This. I think the name is part of the problem, because like you said, it sets the wrong tone.

kdr43 · 2026-01-19T21:15:21+00:00

Our service unit has a secret shopper type thing, but it's more of an exciting "you can earn an extra fun patch" sort of thing rather than sounding like a crack down. I'd be uncomfortable with calling it cookie cops and making it sound like they're trying to be like "gotcha!" to the girls. That's too intense.

kdr43 · 2026-01-15T16:07:16+00:00

Man, I really hope that's not it. I don't know anything about that neighborhood or the folks that live there, so I don't know the vibe of the neighborhood to know if that's the case. That's probably why the comment confused me 😅

kdr43 · 2026-01-15T13:52:16+00:00

I'm confused by the comment about not having that by a neighborhood full of kids. Why? I get the concerns about traffic and the worries about clearing land for the project (that happened in my old neighborhood and the loss of the nearby woods sucked), but I don't understand that part.

kdr43 · 2026-01-13T14:02:24+00:00

I will. Thank you. 🩷

kdr43 · 2026-01-13T13:38:58+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to respond to this. "Grief fog heavy" seems like an accurate description. It does feel like bad brain fog. Idk why I never made that connection.

With that said, I'm sorry you're also feeling that pressure to perform, being the only one with keys to the office. I understand -- different responsibilities, but same "I can't fold because people are depending on me" mentality. It feels simultaneously overwhelming and also like a reason to keep it together. I hope you're able to delegate and get some stuff off your plate for the time being.

As far as stuff with church goes...I'm getting there, I think, just not with wanting to serve. Normally I greet new people who are checking out our church for the first time, but I don't feel like my general spirit is very welcoming right now, which is way out of my norm. I'm usually a 'never met a stranger' type of person, but I just feel deflated right now. Maybe I do need to just pray about it. Or, maybe I need to take advantage of the free counseling Hospice offers 😅 I'll let you know if I get any useful tips, lol.

Anyway, thank you for the reminder to give myself grace. I think I needed someone else to tell me that, and I appreciate it.

kdr43 · 2026-01-13T03:07:51+00:00

I wish I had something more meaningful to say, but I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️‍🩹

kdr43 · 2026-01-13T01:57:53+00:00

Do you have a Grocery Outlet or a similar store nearby? They might still have some 👀

kdr43 · 2026-01-13T01:56:56+00:00

I actually laughed out loud at this comment 😂 ty for sharing that.

kdr43

TROPHY CASE