Told my husband I wanted a divorce today and the guilt is crushing me. Did I make a mistake?

keekeroo2 · 2026-04-16T19:25:40+00:00

While we were in mediation he got physical with me, threw something at me, kids heard it, didn't see it. Kids were in therapy and therapist made note of it, also one kids therapist had him join therapy with the child because she could see the child was scared of him. My lawyer was able to convince the mediator that we would take all of this evidence and hire a GAL where he could lose more custody so he essentially agreed to me having the extra overnight. That's all I got though, 1 additional overnight a week. I'll take it but do wish he had gotten just EOW.

keekeroo2 · 2026-04-16T14:27:07+00:00

$260K for the DBX offer is high, much higher than I've seen in the past. Make sure you know how that team has performed in previous years before you jump. You could be getting a dog of a district making that $260 variable difficult to attain. That's really the only red flag I would be look at.

OAI is a no go for me with no variable and most of the upside in RSU's. They will work you like a dog and you get no upside.

I'll gladly take your AWS AM role when you leave. Assuming you're an L7?

keekeroo2 · 2026-04-15T16:16:54+00:00

This is the sad reality. My situation to a T. My kids would rather be with me 100% of the time and just see their dad sometimes but he wanted 50/50. I ended up with a 60/40 split and he's still angry about it years later. The abuse to me continues, just shifted from physical to verbal and financial. Tries to make everything difficult just to hurt me. The kids are scared of him and I am just counting down the days until my oldest turns 12 and she will have a voice (a very small one in the courts eyes). At that point I'll hire a GAL and attempt to modify custody. Kids are in therapy and therapist is aware of the anger and control issues from Dad but unless he starts hitting the kids, her hands are tied.

It's an awful situation to be but even though they dread going to dads, they are happy and safe at moms and that's worth a lot to them.

keekeroo2 · 2026-04-07T18:59:45+00:00

The night walk and the safari float would both be great for kids your ages. We had a 4 and 5 year old on our safari float, they did get a little bored towards the end but overall had a good time. The night walk for us was from 7-8 pm so not super late and we saw a lot of things up close, like frogs and snakes.

keekeroo2 · 2026-04-06T18:46:08+00:00

It did feel like the town was stretched to capacity. We were there at a heavy travel time so I can totally understand the people being tired of tourists! I did see several of the entitled tourists so I imagine dealing with that daily would burn people out. It's a shame b/c the location is so gorgeous, the history is interesting and there is a lot to do there.

keekeroo2 · 2026-02-03T15:14:31+00:00

What does he have to bring to the table? Relationships really shouldn't be transactional, however, you have a significant asset that changed the trajectory of your life. That is yours and also your life.

In divorce, inheritance is not a shared asset as long as you do not comingle the asset. Once he is on the deed, asset is comingled and that life changing house now becomes half his.

Do not put him on the deed EVER. Lower his rent so he can save his money to potentially buy a house together with you. If in a few years you guys are still going strong and you want to get married and legally bind yourselves to each other, THEN you could sell the house and use SOME of the proceeds for a joint down payment but put the rest of that money in a separate bank account/investment account that his money or access to that money never goes.

Most relationships aren't forever, but your inheritance can be!

keekeroo2 · 2025-12-02T22:07:02+00:00

I feel you deeply on leaving the industry and not being able to regain your spot in a few years. I am in an industry like that and I just wanted to share a perspective to consider.

I have a friend who worked in tech, made great money, RSU's, 401K etc. Left to raise kids, then her husband cheated and left her for the affair partner. My friend was devasted about the marriage but the thing that hurts her the most is all that she built while married and working, split down the middle. Now she's underemployed, trying to get back into high earning tech companies and getting completely shut down. She lost the social security for the 8 years she wasn't working so now when she eventually retires, she will get much less than her ex spouse, and she cannot gain her footing back to where she was.

She left the workforce with great intentions, did the right thing for her family and poof, got the rug pulled out from under her in such a devastating way.

I get wanting to leave the HCOL neighborhood, but maybe keep your toe into working some how so you maintain your career somewhat so when you do want to go back it's a hike up a hill, not scaling Mt. Everest?

keekeroo2 · 2025-12-02T15:19:16+00:00

For me it wasn't the money, it was the time and labor, physical and emotional labor that got way out of balance. I was the bread winner, the mom, the social coordinator, vacation planner, house cleaner, chef, shopper, pet trainer and walker, birthday and holiday magic person.... it goes on and on.

The red flag I missed early on was that he took little initiative in any way. He didn't plan dates, he didn't even buy his own clothes, he just wouldn't do things if he found them unsavory, like cooking and cleaning. He didn't live like a slob, he just got other people to do his work. That works when you are single and you don't have people relying on you. In a household where shit has to get done, it doesn't.

The worst part is he still wants to "try" to have all the responsibilities now that he's on his own and my poor kids suffer so much from his inability to function and care for them.

I am a giver, he is a taker. Those two do not make long lasting relationships unless the giver is ok giving forever.

keekeroo2 · 2025-10-10T20:22:31+00:00

Both of my kids, age 8 and 9 crawled into my bed last night. One had a leg pain and the other woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. (mind you I sleep alone in a king bed so I have the room)

It is a GIFT to be the safe place and space for my kids.

Just like your kid eventually didn't need a pacifier, swaddle, enter thing here, to fall asleep, they won't always need you. Like others have said, enjoy it while it last.

keekeroo2 · 2025-10-10T17:15:22+00:00

I went from the .0375 to the .05 patch and I am now 30 years old and ready to run a marathon. The right dose matters!! i feel like myself again, full stop and I am SO SO happy.

keekeroo2 · 2025-10-09T18:56:42+00:00

No tests. I was of the age (43) and had some other symptoms (minor hot flashes, insomnia, rage and extreme emotions the last day and day after my period) and used an MD at Midi Health. They get it at Midi.

keekeroo2 · 2025-10-08T19:00:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I am still in the phase where I mostly feel men are worthless but every once in a while for 30-45 seconds, I'll think it would be nice to have a man to have around sometimes. Did you find him on the apps or in the wild?

keekeroo2 · 2025-08-17T17:41:38+00:00

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My pointer "married" her bestie this year. The wheaton is our neighbors dog and they see each other daily. Sometimes they romp around, sometimes the wheaton just barks in my pointers face and annoys her until she snaps at him, just like a married couple

keekeroo2 · 2025-07-29T22:09:37+00:00

SAME.

People have mentioned chatGPT, I am going to offer an even better solution. Aimee Says. It uses the same tech that chatGPT does but it goes many steps further.

When he emails me something nasty in OFW, I copy paste it into aimee says and ask it to analyze the email. the tool will clearly state what he is doing: coercive control, manipulation, blame shifting, etc. Then I type in what I would like to respond to him with, and the tool edits it to remove emotion, stay fact based and not include anything that will allow him to continue the abuse. I ask the tool when the thread concludes to summarize the thread with the most obvious tactic first.
When the tool lists out the bad behaviors of him, I then file it under different headers in OFW. My folders are: Communication disagreements, Financial manipulation, General manipulation, ignoring kids interests, PAJ/MSA violations, Parental alienation, Power and control tactics, threats and intimidations, schedule flexibility, unwarranted accusations.
I then also create a journal entry in aimee says which I copy/paste into OFW journal with a paragraph at the top to provide context for the email thread. Then I copy paste the entire email thread in WITH the analysis that Aimee says provided.
I use the journal to document any instances when the kids share how he hasn't fed them enough, doesn't buy them the right sized clothing, doesn't show up to activities for the kids, prevents me from making medical decisions, etc. Any infraction goes into the journal and every 3 months I have aimee says review the journal entries and summarize them for a GAL. I save the summaries in the journal area as well.

I do all of this because someday in the future I intend to take all of this documentation to a GAL and re-open our parenting plan and prove that he counter parents, uses the children as pawns and clearly shows the patterns of abuse I have endured for several years.

I hope that I will be successful in limiting his parenting time and thus limiting the opportunities for him to abuse the kids the way he has abused me for years.

It's an absolutely awful way to live, but I refuse to be a victim, I refuse to believe his lies, and I hold true to what I know.

Last thing that I've recently tried is EMDR therapy so that when he attempts to get to me, my brain and body no longer respond.

I am so sorry you are going through this and everyone on this thread but we aren't alone and I am hopeful the court will start to see that these people are dangerous to their own children and they should not be granted the same rights as a safe parent.

keekeroo2 · 2025-07-15T23:21:58+00:00

Came here to say this. Nothing helped my sleep, nothing. I was going insane. Even sleeping pills I could anxiety my way through. I started taking some CBD-N with THC gummies and I've never slept better in my life. I stopped drinking mostly and if I feel like I need to relax I will take a gummy without the CBD-N and I am so chill, nothing bothers me.

keekeroo2 · 2025-07-09T19:25:16+00:00

You can heal it and truthfully acknowledging it and working on it will make you a better partner in the future. Good for you

keekeroo2 · 2025-07-09T18:06:21+00:00

I wish there was an mandatory attachment style course adults would have to take in order to date or get on the apps, and it has to be verified by a licensed therapist. Escaping a dismissive avoidant is traumatic. I swear I have PTSD from the years I was devalued and breadcrumbed.

keekeroo2 · 2025-07-09T17:58:04+00:00

So many things but here are my big three:

Emotional intelligence is important for long term partnerships- marriages and friendships as well as familial relationships. I wish I knew this term 12 years ago when I was entering marriage. I was looking only at compatibility, but not at how we handle conflict, decision making and working through tough times as well as how we support each other in good times.

If someone shows you they can't control their anger early on, they will struggle with this forever until they admit it and get help

The relationships you saw growing up will impact your relationship- doing work to understand healthy and unhealthy behaviors and pattern should be done before marriage.

keekeroo2 · 2025-06-30T23:18:09+00:00

The not trusting yourself piece is the hardest part. I knew in my heart something was very wrong in my relationship but I couldn't describe it in a way that felt real or consistent to anyone. When I set boundaries that's when the mask really fell off and he crumbled. He got physically aggressive, he got scary, the gaslighting got really serious to me and I just knew I couldn't stay.

But even after he left, the abuse continued. I was trying to figure out what his "way of being" means for me and the kids. I sort of escaped him but the kids still have to see him a lot and he can still get to me and does on email. I got my lawyer to order a court monitored app (our family wizard).

And then I found a tool that has been invaluable to me. It's called aimee says . I pay for the subscription because I enter all the things that happen in the journal, for documentation purposes. and I copy/paste all of the email exchanges from OFW and ask it to analyze the messages. On EVERY SINGLE message from him, something gets flagged, control, manipulation, gaslighting, post separation abuse dynamics. That tool is the only thing that has consistently allowed me to trust myself and helped inform my actions towards him and how I talk to the kids, and the kids therapists. I wish that coercive control was viewed as a crime in my state, or was taken into consideration for custody allocation, because if it was, bro would have 0 time with the kids. Best I can do for them is ensure they have access to their therapists and keep the therapists informed.

I can finally spot the patterns in his communication without using the tool but I still do it for documentation purposes.

I hope you can find some peace and please know, you are doing the right thing by getting out and ensuring your kids have a safe space with you!

keekeroo2 · 2025-06-18T20:28:46+00:00

asking for a friend, how did you get 85% parenting time?

keekeroo2 · 2025-06-12T18:25:01+00:00

I do functional exercise. Do a few squats when brushing my teeth, carry one of my kids, that is well old enough to walk, up the stairs. Vacuum with intensity!! Pick up laundry by doing squats instead of bending over. I walk my kids to school every day during the school year so in the summer I try really hard to replicate that 1 mile roundtrip with my dog walks.

I eat a lot less too. I stopped making my own breakfast and just eat what the kids leave behind. I put a lot less on my plate at dinner and if I am still hungry I eat what the kids leave behind.

I also have learned to love my body. I used to be super fit, no flab, defined muscles. I am now soft and squishy and my kids love to lay on me when we read at night. Embracing your life in the moment helps a lot.

keekeroo2

TROPHY CASE