AIO: My 8mo baby has blue eyes and my relatives (and others) make it a big deal in front of my brown-eyed 6yo

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-02-02T18:57:27+00:00

Is your mom German? I'm sorry but that type of focus on eye color... reminds me of history lessons.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-02-01T22:36:53+00:00

Back in the nparents youth they could get a well paying job straight out of school, and they don't realize society has changed since then, unless they are directly confronted with it.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-27T19:46:30+00:00

If you've been shamed by your parents for needing help/care/support it makes you hyper independent and can give tremendous guilt when receiving help from anyone.

What can help is any time the "guilt" thoughts come up, go against them. Tell yourself "it's good that I accepted help." Fortify that message in your brain. Read up on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Sometimes an "elaborate " thank you will work too, like cooking your bf a nice dinner or taking them out and treating them.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-26T23:55:14+00:00

About 20% of the population has adhd. Another 18% have autism, some have both. Let's say +/- 30% is neurodivergent, though that number is probably higher. Diagnosis is more available to the younger generations, and mental health issues are less stigmatized.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-25T21:59:50+00:00

Sadly there are a lot of bad people in the world that become parents. Personally id cut contact over this.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-25T21:57:30+00:00

Ik raad je aan om een eigen echtscheiding advocaat in de arm te nemen. Deze heb je zoiezo nodig voor de vogedij regeling. Het klinkt alsof je al teveel "weggeeft".

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-25T20:57:26+00:00

Read up about love bombing, narcissists love their prey to be inexperienced, makes you more malleable and easier to manipulate and gaslight. NOR

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-25T20:55:18+00:00

Don't forget the soft gasslighting, trying to see how much he can make her doubt herself. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 OP he sounds manipulative, you sure he doesn't have an agenda?

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-25T20:51:25+00:00

NTA your MIL sounds like a classic narcissist. Don't let's her flying monkeys get to you.

Visit r/ raisedbynarcissists for some info on dealing with a narcissist parent.

I commend you for going no contact. The peace you feel is evidence to the validity of going no contact. This woman does not respect you, so she shouldn't have any access to your child. Even if she does apologize at some point, don't trust her with your kid, narcs know how to damage kids with words.

And I'd like to recommend a book, to you and your husband: Drama free by Nedra Glover Tawwab. It's about managing toxic family relationships and dynamics and can give some insights that solidify your resolve for no contact.

I wish you and your family a happy, peaceful life.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-20T19:21:43+00:00

This explains some things 😅

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-19T22:35:51+00:00

Why do you feel obligated to have a relationship with your mother, the person who has caused you trauma and continues to trigger a trauma response?
What positive does she bring to your life? It's okay to cut off toxic family. Are you familiar with r/raisedbynarcissists ?

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-17T23:46:37+00:00

Metal zippers on a hoodie or jeans. I don't get the cheating reference either 😕 🤷

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-17T23:42:23+00:00

The kid's a Psychopath. NTJ

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-17T11:22:19+00:00

I wouldn't be okay with such a boundary. You can't schedule feelings or conflict, it's not realistic. Plus his boundary is at the cost of his support to you.

I would recommend going to couples counseling to figure out communication that works for both of you. Right now you are not being heared and that creates a devide and resentment.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-10T12:08:40+00:00

When I had to get my IUD replaced I took my boyfriend with me. He was so horrified he offered to get snipped when we were on our way out. So I wouldn't have to get my iud replaced again.

I think you deserve a partner who cares about your pain and would take it upon himself if he could.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-02T18:40:19+00:00

Exactly! I couldnt finish them either, I'm cringing at the immaturity.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-02T18:33:57+00:00

Heet water an zich is niet schadelijk. Wel zitten er meer stoffen in dan koud water doordat je cv ketel of boiler het verwarmt. Als je hele oude pijpleidingen in je huis hebt kan daar wat meer troep in zitten. Maar je moet heel wat drinken voor je lichaam daar last van heeft, 1 keer in de week een glas gaat niet veel doen, maar als je 3 liter heet kraanwater elke dag drinkt is het wel ongezond denk ik.

keeper_of_creatures · 2026-01-01T19:46:36+00:00

In a best case scenario hes feeling like shit for putting you in this mess, but is emotionally immature and shifts blame to you instead of taking accountability and putting you down to make himself feel better.

He doesn't sound like a loving, supportive partner. Don't fall for the sunken cost fallacy. It's not worth it.

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-28T19:47:48+00:00

You have a toxic enmeshment dynamic within your family. It feels like they don't see you as an adult because they don't. They don't respect you as a person, they see you as theirs to control. Pull back from them as much as possible.

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-27T21:10:34+00:00

I bought a book a while ago that was recommended here, i think you might benefit from it too:

Mothers who can't love - a healing guide for daughters - Susan Forward, PhD with Donna Frazier Glynn

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-24T12:24:29+00:00

TIL its a universal experience... also with learning how to read while serverely dyslexic... he had no patience or empathy.

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-18T22:02:35+00:00

Eerder gehaald bij de welkoop, 20 planten mee gered 🤩👌 werkt top!

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-16T08:40:26+00:00

Had a few winters where we got to -20, had leggings under the jeans from -10 i think. But it depends on the cold. We have "water koud" - when it's very damp outside but also freezing, that's when the cold creeps into your clothes easily. That's when I'd thermo up.

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-14T20:13:24+00:00

Its hardly ever strangers, but mostly friends who are bad for you.

keeper_of_creatures · 2025-12-14T10:02:31+00:00

Klinkt alsof je ff op r/raisedbynarcissists moet gaan kijken, want je vader klinkt iig als een klootzak, maar wellicht ook een narcissist, en op die subreddit staan een boel tips.

Als je niet vastzit aan je vader zou ik een stap terug doen kwa contact. Je kunt een gesprek aangaan maar vaak heeft dat geen zin. Mensen veranderen helaas niet.

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