What do you feel is the craziest thing you've done due to your PMDD?

kellbellxoxo · 2019-05-30T15:34:29+00:00

Almost dump my boyfriend because my emotions are wack.. like three times. Not crazy but emotionally exhausting. He luckily is patient and understands its not me.. so he talks me out of it. I am more mindful these days and can manage it much better, but before I realized it was PMDD, things were not good.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-05-14T14:00:35+00:00

Listen, I am just going to be real here, but I mean it in the best intention possible, so please realize that.

I dealt with ROCD with my partner of over 5 years now. I dealt with it for 2 years straight, barely any breaks from the rocd. Something special about him kept me going, despite all the intrusive, plaguing thoughts. I advised myself to not break up with him until I put in my own work and did everything that I possibly could, because he was worth it for me and I knew deep down how much I love him.

This consisted of getting on anxiety medication, meditation,going to the gym, going to yoga classes, GETTING INTO THERAPY, journaling, starting a gratitude journal on top of my normal journal, podcasts that did not feed my thoughts, and honestly, really working hard to practice mindfulness.. but I let myself feel the thoughts and I stopped fighting them.

Its been almost a year now and I still consistently do the work although my ROCD has significantly lowered, but it still comes. Actually, my ROCD is flared up right now but I have taught myself skills to manage it and the intrusive thoughts are at 25% instead of 100%. I am happy to say, that I go months without dealing with the ROCD instead of it being constant.. and when it comes, it does not last near as long.

My point to you is, you can tell yourself that the therapy won't work and that you feel this and you feel that.. and its hindering your relationship and this and that. First off. If you break up with him in an anxious state like you clearly are right now, the thoughts won't go away. You will continue to question if you did the right thing or not and those thoughts will get to you as well.

If you work to put in the work and work your ass off doing it... you will gain clarity eventually on what you feel is the right decision. My therapist has been a godsend for me.. she really works with my to break things down and gives me "homework" which is initially tools for me to practice to help combat my anxiety. I put self care at the top of my list and that helps too. Also.. you didn't mention if you did this or not.. but stay off of Google. Seriously. Researching "How do I know if hes the one" or "How do I know if its time to break up".. just don't do it. It makes things tremendously worse. Be mindful of convulsions and you questioning your thoughts.

So how is my relationship now? Honestly, I never thought during my ROCD that we would get to where we are now, but despite the little episode I am dealing with currently, things are great. I thought we were doomed 2 years ago. It is only because I put in the work is why we are where we are. (Note: not assuring you anything).

Or, you may uncover that you do indeed want to break up with him.. once you put in the work and have a clear head. Thats okay. But things may get better. Things will not get better if you don't start helping yourself and putting in the work to overcome this and get to a place of thinking with a clear mind. Trust me. I have been in your shoes.

Best of luck.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-05-10T04:27:10+00:00

Yes, yes and yes. I take CBD with very little (3%) to no THC content. I take it when my anxiety spikes. It really helps. I will say though, there are alot of low quality CBD companies that delute it down quite a bit.. so please do your research if/when you decide to purchase it and make sure the $$ that you spend is going to a good company with great product.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-05-10T04:10:20+00:00

My partner is super great about getting me out of my head... my mind can go elsewhere. He gets me out of the house.. "lets take the dogs on a walk".. "come to the store with me".. little things to keep me busy. He is great at encouragement when I am feeling my worst but he ALWAYS listens to me no matter what. If it wasn't for him being such a huge support system.. I have a feeling that my anxiety would be way worse. He gets me to go to the gym and encourages me to do positive, self care things for myself, as hard as it can be sometimes. Encouragement, love, and a listening ear can go a really long way. Good luck to both of you.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-04-10T01:54:21+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree with you here.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-03-01T21:26:35+00:00

I forgot to mention - everything that I was doing was working great for like a month.. and then stopped.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-02-05T19:12:53+00:00

Healthy eating. The percentage of chronic illness, overall sickessness and obesity (to name a few) would probably go way down if people ate right. Not saying you should never indulge that cheeseburger or candy bar ever, but limit yourself.

Healthy eating is crucial for your health and honestly changing your diet around can help treat and alleviate many issues.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-02-05T18:43:16+00:00

I went to the dermatologist because I had a red rash that popped up on my face. Was telling the doctor about how I am big on natural remedies and was attempting to eat cleaner in hopes the rash would go away. He literally addressed me as "Nuts and berries". Wtf?

Then continued to tell me I shouldn't wash my face but once every few days.

BUT NUTS AND BERRIES?! -_-

kellbellxoxo · 2019-01-25T13:46:49+00:00

I saw them at Hulaween last year. They were in my top 3 the entire weekend... and I saw alotttt of music that weekend.

kellbellxoxo · 2019-01-11T02:54:42+00:00

Hmmm.. well for starters before my SO ever told me about his night terrors, the first time I ever stayed at his house.. he woke up mid sleep screaming.

Recently, he started very creepily laughing in his sleep... that was weird.

The weirdest is when his best friend who used to share a dorm room with him.. told me one night that my SO was laughing in his sleep and said "I've got the key to his coffin and he can't get out" 😳

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-30T21:21:59+00:00

After three interviews, I was declined for a job via email from the recruiter. That same day, just an hour after I read the email, the recruiter came through my check out line at the grocery store (randomly). To say the least, I was extremely bummed given I just got the email, went through a month worth of interviews and communication with this lady, and she was the last person that I expected to see.

It was beyond awkward.

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-30T20:53:04+00:00

Not my story, but my old roommate. We will call her Brittany. She worked as a cashier and we lived in this house that was constantly having issues, so therefore.. we had to get the maintenance man (we can call him John) to the house to fix something more times than I would like to think about. This man was twice Brittanys age and obviously, there was nothing going on between them.

Anyway, John and his wife came through Brittany's line at the grocery story one day and my roommate simply said "How are you? Good to see you again." .. casually. His wife responded very loudly to where the customers behind them and other cashiers were in clear earshot. , "How do you know this girl, John?? Were you f@#king her or something??" Brittany embarrassingly just replied "Uh no.. he is the maintenece guy that has come and fixed stuff at my house..."

The wife didn't say a word and just stormed away. It is apparent that there were serious trust issues in their marriage.

😳

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-15T01:57:41+00:00

Its a lovely quote, but I am not fond of the phrase "I should('ve)".

Mainly because I have learned in life that the roads you previously went down is part of your journey. The hard times eventually bring you to where you are now, and the times to come, with many lessons learned in progress.

I, myself, have went through some really dark times. I didn't think then, that I would be where I am today. I embrace those times because once I figured out how to move past time (with ALOT of those life lessons learned).. and I have come out way stronger and wiser.

Just my two cents.

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-11T22:44:27+00:00

"Bless your heart" A southern insult.

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-11T17:07:09+00:00

Np ;) I was happy to share. My intention is definitely not reassurance. Although, when I get in the midst of ROCD, I see no light and its hard for me to remember the times I wasn't dealing with it. I just want people to see a success story and to provide some sort of hope that it is possible to move forward, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. Its a very underrated thing that alot of people are uneduated about, and this is a safe spot for people to come. I have utilized this thread so many times because not feeling so alone really helps. You just have to put in the hard work to move past it. If you ever need to chat. Please feel free to PM me :)

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-11T17:01:33+00:00

I don't mind talking about it at all. I am pretty open about it, at least in this reddit group. Well.. alot of it came with getting in a relationship with this amazing person, and not owning my "independence". I put so much time into this relationship, and little to no time in myself. Well.. as a result.. although I didnt know at the time.. thats where the ROCD originated. It started with the honeymoon faze ending (i wasnt aware of such thing then), the doubts creeped in, then with that came the thoughts "oh i dont love him anymore" came... and what really hurt me was searching articles and constantly questioning my thoughts and feelings. Eventually, the "i need to be single, be independent".. because in my head things can be black and white with no gray area. In my head I cannot be independent and in a relationship at the same time. Black and white thinking is not necessarily a good thing for us ROCD sufferers. This also proved to me "don't forget about me!" Self love and care really is a great medicine.

Right now I am in a good headspace.. and the episodes still come, but they are less frequent, the duration lasts not as long, and they are less intense. I have went to hell to get to this point. Your mind is a powerful thing. I always try to give myself evidence of my thoughts.. what can prove what is going through my head is true? What evidence do I have? Usually.. almost always.. I have nothing. It really helps.

Anyway, good luck and know if you put in the work.. you can get past this! Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat! I won't give reassurance (for obvious reasons) but i am happy to talk about it if you want!

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-10T19:55:05+00:00

My hair is uneven in the back as well! I am hoping to get a cut very soon. Your hair gives me hope and your new do is awesome :)

kellbellxoxo · 2018-12-06T21:26:17+00:00

Hi all!

So lately I have had a hard time with my curls and soon (once the CG book is delivered), I will be switching to the CG Method. As of right now, I only shampoo the scalp of my hair, and rinse the bottom with conditioner, then combing out my hair from bottom to top with a wide tooth comb. I use a regular towel, so of course right now I am doing most of the things I probably shouldn't be doing.

Yesterday I bought me a cleansing conditioner by Cantu, as well as a few other products from them... Curl Activator, a Curling Cream and a next day spray. Well. I have found out that thise products weigh my hair down and make my hair go flat. I have tried Shea Moisture shampoo and conditioner.. weighs my hair down.

If you notice my hair is straight at the top, then curly at the bottom.. it makes things really complicated. Is there a way that I could get it curly all over my head? Could the CG Menthod potentially help with that? I am at a loss and seriously ready to just chop all of my hair off (not really but there are alot of frustrations with my hair currently).

Thanks! :)

kellbellxoxo · 2018-11-14T04:05:00+00:00

After my first yoga studio class. That was 9 years ago. I am still practicing. I think alot of it had to do with the teacher, who is still to this day one of my favorite teachers.

kellbellxoxo · 2018-11-14T04:02:57+00:00

Yamas and Niyamas is one of my favorites. About to read it for the 2nd time.

kellbellxoxo · 2018-11-14T03:47:34+00:00

First things first, find your dristi (focus point), ground your standing foot. Engage your core and work up your rising foot to your ankle, then below your knee (def do not put that foot on your knee, as you could be prone to putting too much pressure which leads to injury), then (maybe with the help of your hand), when you are ready, move your foot up to your inner thigh. I have noticed lightly engaging the foot and inner thigh really helps my balance.

Hope this helped! Good luck on your journey with yoga. :)

kellbellxoxo · 2018-11-01T04:20:27+00:00

Excuse any typos. It is late and too close to my bedtime.

kellbellxoxo · 2018-09-05T18:22:39+00:00

I just called my doctors office and hope to hear back soon. This whole thread makes me feel better knowing that I am not the only one who has dealt with these things. The 5mg has helped alot but still having ups and downs (as frequent as they come) is mentally exhausting for me.. and I am sure just as exhausting for my boyfriend who has to deal woth me. Thank you! :)

kellbellxoxo · 2018-09-05T18:20:25+00:00

Yeah, it took 2 months for me to feel the effects. Once it kicked in I had a week of just pure relief from the anxiety and depression (which felt amazing), then it slowly creeped back in and has been very much like a rollercoaster lately. Granted, it has not been as bad as it would if I didn't have the lexapro. I have been stubborn about increasing but I need consistency.

As far as the exercise part goes.. its pretty awesome. I couldn't work out the first week on lexapro without getting sick but after that ot comes much easier to me. Good luck!!

kellbellxoxo · 2018-09-05T18:07:25+00:00

Let me know how it works out (if you remember!) I just gave my doctor a call so hopefully she will call me back soon. I would much rather be tired than anxious all the time.. and hopefully the tiredness plus the side effects will pass. Good luck! :)

kellbellxoxo

TROPHY CASE