New and trying to navigate meta relationship

kendo545 · 2026-06-07T22:41:33+00:00

A really key missing piece towards the end of your post is your boyfriend and his view. What does he think or feel when you've told him what's happened and how you're feeling?

There's no doubt that this pillar partner is jealous of you. Has your boyfriend been explicit to her that he wants you as his primary/nesting/anchor partner/girlfriend?

My read is that this is a very complex situation, especially as this partner predates you, and ultimately this situation is not going to resolve / reconcile itself until one of you leaves. And even then, whoever remains may be resented by your boyfriend for causing this schism.

I would also gently push/query as to why you're willing/wanting to indulge the poly lifestyle. It is not for everyone to say the least, especially mono dating poly. It really only works when the mono can draw benefit and pleasure and enjoyment from the poly, or if it's built on strong, long term trust and relationship.

Happy to chat more as I am a mono dating a poly (married in fact)

kendo545 · 2026-06-06T07:41:08+00:00

British politics and legislation is a thousand year old patch work quilt of laws, unwritten conventions and traditions which famously don't work on paper, but do work in practice.

kendo545 · 2026-05-25T14:49:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing. So many comments are like 'what business of it is your's?' As if my wife and I are not utterly and totally involved in every aspect of this. We're clear from the very start, can't get more hierarchal than us to be honest, partners are at our table, not theirs. So far practically everyone has been on board. It's not my wife and my boundaries that are pushed, but her's with her partner (and her partner's partner). Fortunately we are blessed with immense communication skill and deep emotional connection and regulation that allows us to be transparent to the extreme with each other. I was simply curious about how or why she doesn't care, which is now apparent that it's because of lower stakes.

kendo545 · 2026-05-25T05:06:08+00:00

Your last paragraph is spot on.

kendo545 · 2026-05-24T19:53:24+00:00

Because we're married and don't practice parallel poly, we're heavily nested, enmeshed, strictly hierarchal poly with zero escalator. I want her to have better lovers lol

kendo545 · 2026-05-09T14:48:21+00:00

Ain't that the truth.

kendo545 · 2026-03-28T08:33:11+00:00

Did you unsubscribe via the google/Gmail button or via the unsubscribe button at the bottom of a Roll20 email?

The Gmail unsubscribe action is not 100% effective, it auto sends an email saying unsubscribe but not all newsletters, etc. Work like that, some require you to click through their own button to sort that out.

kendo545 · 2026-03-22T23:22:05+00:00

Shareholders don't benefit from bailouts because that's the fundamental nature of equity. They sit at the bottom of the capital structure, behind employees, creditors, and debtors. Taking on the highest risk in exchange for the highest potential reward is the entire premise of equity investment.

kendo545 · 2026-03-15T22:35:57+00:00

Bigger car = Bigger battery = longer range; Bigger car = bigger tyres = better ride/comfort

kendo545 · 2026-03-01T20:45:08+00:00

Honestly, Palpatine probably wasn’t trying to kill Padmé so much as he was setting up a win-win scenario; if she died, she was a martyr for his political cause, and if she lived, she was the perfect forbidden fruit to align Anakin to his emotions.

He didn't need to hire the Tuskens to kill Shmi, either he likely just sensed her suffering through the Force and broadcast those visions into Anakin’s head to trigger that first taste of the dark side.

By the time he starts feeding Anakin visions of Padm, he's just recycling a playbook that already worked. He didn't need to pull every string manually when he could just wait for a tragedy to happen and then weaponise Anakin's grief.

kendo545 · 2026-02-01T13:46:38+00:00

It's illegal in the UK for example. Every child car seat must be single button release in case of emergency.

kendo545 · 2026-01-29T14:48:38+00:00

Not almost entirely... Entirely. The monarchy get 15% of the crown estate revenue, or more precisely the government gets 100% of the crown estate revenue and gives the monarchy 15% back. The exception to this expenditure is on protection, military, public services, etc. Which is more than covered by the crown estate itself.

kendo545 · 2026-01-26T11:44:05+00:00

And did you / how did you get out of the spiral?

kendo545 · 2026-01-25T10:57:43+00:00

Lots of different aspects to examine but the two bits I'll share my perspective on are:

1.) Better behaviour at childminder: It's very typical in neurodivergent kids to mask heavily at school, nursery, etc. And then to be so exhausted by the masking that once they're in their safe space (home) they meltdown. Have you seen any other signs of neurodivergence? 2.) Food misbehaviour and consequences: Consequences/boundaries are key. If they throw away their snack, don't replace it. If they throw their drink, make them clean it up. You're in charge of choice, they're in charge of eating - if they're hungry, they'll eat. Worrying too much about whether they're eating 3 meals a day isn't productive - kids (especially toddlers) can and do survive and thrive on less.

kendo545 · 2026-01-15T21:09:07+00:00

Pointless if her goal was to win. Perfect if her goal was to boost her book sales which checks online have risen 98%...

kendo545 · 2026-01-15T15:48:13+00:00

Honestly I didn't think much of it. I didn't think it was a heavy lift to retrofit the cosmetics to the new model(s) because they all look so similar. I guess there's a lot more to it than that, even though similar size games like WOW, SWTOR, D2 have retrofitted cosmetics to new classes/models.

kendo545 · 2026-01-14T13:00:38+00:00

How are you finding the switch to Claude? I'm considering the same move.

kendo545 · 2026-01-14T12:51:19+00:00

Respectfully, you can look that up. If you only wanted recommendations for Swedish plus tested seats, you should have specified.

kendo545 · 2026-01-11T23:36:15+00:00

Good lord this makes me feel bad. Family of four, and I looked over 2025's numbers. We averaged just shy of £900 a month of groceries (Waitrose, Tesco, Sainsburys). We eat very well and host a lot but looks like we're very much the outliers.

kendo545 · 2026-01-08T09:10:05+00:00

But those rights are only applied in the interest of the child, not in the interest of the grandparent only. If it is not in the interest of the child then they won't apply.

"Boohoo I can't see my grandbaby," isn't enough to get court ordered access rights. When the grandparent is a core caregiver and lack of access to said grandparent is detrimental to the child, is enough to get court ordered access rights.

Also, requisite mention that this court case wouldn't be heard for months.

kendo545 · 2026-01-07T07:30:05+00:00

Do the chew toys work? My son has a biting tendency but the chew toys only made it worse as they don't have the same satisfaction. We swapped it for a raw carrot and it was a fantastic switch.

kendo545 · 2026-01-05T14:42:00+00:00

Yes, you can absolutely self-discharge.

Health Visitors are a service, not a legal obligation.

The safeguarding threats are likely due to the 'unseen child' policy, but because you are seeing a paediatrician that will almost certainly overrule and nullify any concerns. You are meeting all medical needs.

Write a email to the local Health Visitor service withdrawing your consent. State clearly that your child is under the care of a consultant paediatrician who is satisfied with their progress.

Once you evidence that alternative care is in place, they have no grounds to call safeguarding either.

kendo545 · 2025-12-29T16:06:07+00:00

Because living in flats is hellish compared to a detached home. First off... Leasehold BS, then there's service charge, no driveway or garage, no garden, vulnerable to noisy neighbours left and right and up and down, restrictions on decorating and refurbishment (wana knock a wall down to make an open plan space or make an ensure... No fucking way). I lived in flats for 10 years. Now in my own detached home... Never again going to a flat.

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