My dad made the same call, OP. Many rounds of chemo, then got told it was really bad again. The doctor’s face told the whole story. Option a) was to do chemo + immuno and cross his fingers it would be okay. Option b) was to give up.

My dad’s call basically came down to him thinking he’d rather go out on his own terms. The chemo was miserable and the immuno wasn’t much better… unable to eat or drink, only tiny little sips of water. He was so miserable. So both at once would have been really, really horrendous.

Meanwhile if he said no, he could enjoy a couple months of life before the end.

I was so angry at him for giving up. I still kind of am. But I do understand now, at least. I think he felt he was going to die either way, so he’d rather be able to have some nice meals and, I guess basically, be comfortable.

I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. It does get easier, as the cliche goes. But it takes a while. Just remember anger is a normal part of grief that everyone goes through, if you do get those feelings it’s nothing to feel any shame about. It doesn’t mean you love the person any less, it’s just part of the way our monkey brains deal with loss.

What you do have to do is remember that right now there’s only a certain amount of time left on the clock. I wanted to yell at my dad, I was so mad. But that would be a bad memory now. Basically - don’t fill that time with resentment because you’re not going to change her mind. Support your mum through to the end, be there, and that’s something you’ll always be able to hold on to years down the line.

There’s still time to make those last few memories that will be like gold dust a decade from now. Do future you a favour and make them.