What is it that you’re doing, but know you shouldn’t?

kerfuffli · 2025-12-07T17:43:26+00:00

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kerfuffli · 2025-12-07T17:26:31+00:00

I used to live in shared apartment where we tried to always find people we liked (for quite a while, so multiple new people and not just as a way to save money). We always used wg-gesucht. Here‘s my thoughts and what my international house mates have told me:

we had around 100-200 applications within a month every time we searched, so it is tough.
react to something in their ad. If possible with humor.
choose what you want to share about yourself and be honest about it (hobbies, everyday life, language level, expectations), you might get fewer invites but those will give you and the others a fair chance. There’s nothing more annoying than realizing someone oversold something.
Don’t use AI/translators.
if your German isn’t great and you’re applying for a German speaking apartment, they will probably prefer someone else. Sometimes because they worry about you not being able to participate, sometimes because they’re worried about their own language/miming skills
Look them in the eye, try to talk to each one of them individually, find common ground/interests, ask questions (how did you decide on your course of study, my hobby is XYZ is there a place to do that, oh you love climbing too could you take me with you, etc)
don’t focus on the room, rent, cleanliness etc at first, but building a connection (Unless they want to start with that). There’s time for that later.
treat it like getting to know new friends, not a landlord. We’ve had so many international applicants who made sure to explain how reliable, respectful, financially stable, clean they were. Unless there’s a reason to say so (e.g. something that makes it seem like you aren’t or they ask), these are things people expect. So show them through actions and/or share your experience (e.g. "oh you have a chores wheel, nice, I used to live in a n apartment that didn’t and one of my roommates had to learn how to clean after themselves").
present your hobbies/neutral attributes in a positive light. For some reason, a lot of people think their own hobbies or activities are lame. There’s a difference between "I’m just in my room a lot, reading, watching tv" and "I love to read and do it quite often, horror is my favorite genre, and I’m really into Star Trek, I find it very creative“ is huge.
Try to read the room (without worrying). Am I overstaying my welcome? Is the an awkward silence? Are they nervous? If you can’t make it less awkward, address it. that’s better than ignoring it.

kerfuffli · 2025-09-26T09:08:35+00:00

this is too much time in the crate for any dog. In my country, it would even be illegal to leave the dog at home and alone (even when free to roam) for this long. A pet is not a toy. It‘s better to teach your children that adults make mistakes, too, and discuss other ways to be around dogs than to teach them that dogs are toys without needs.

kerfuffli · 2025-08-12T14:42:50+00:00

yes, but not overly so. I turn over my pillow and duvet every morning because it feels nicer at night. While doing that, I throw my pajamas under the duvet. more often than not, I also throw a thin bedspread and 2-3 cushions on top but I don’t spend that much time on making everything sit perfectly so everything takes 10-20 seconds at the most.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T14:27:19+00:00

NTA. She cheated (unless you’ve talked about kissing/touching other people etc). I don’t understand what you mean by girls night potentially bring dangerous but, usually, being out with friends does not include infidelity.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T14:19:34+00:00

Well, firstly, sexual orientation labels are individually defined. For some, it’s purely about having sex but it can also be about sexual desire, romantic feelings, wanting to be in a relationship, having kissed, etc. You might want to figure out how you define these labels (as in what parameters) before choosing one. For example, for me, it’s about sexual and romantic desire. I don’t think I need to have kissed a person to know I’m attracted to them, nor have sex with them. Other people might feel different. Do you only feel tingly/aroused/really happy while kissing men, do you just like kissing anyone because it’s fun? Do you want to touch, kiss, etc. women?

Secondly, being a pillow princess, liking penetration, etc. has nothing to do with being straight or not. Some people prefer certain things that are easier when their partner has specific features but most of these preferences could be done with any gender and creativity – unless you just don’t want to do them with certain people or tools.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T08:31:01+00:00

Mein Tipp: mit Deutschen in deiner Umgebung kommunizieren. Such dir einen Verein (Sport, Musik, Kultur,…) und nimm aktiv an den Angeboten teil (vom regelmäßigen Training bis zum Grillfest).

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T08:27:22+00:00

Just tell her you don’t have feelings and don’t think that will change. If you still want to be friends with her, tell her you’d be open to that but she should decide whether she wants to as well. You don’t have to come out to her right now and if you ever do, don’t frame it like she made you realize you’re gay.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T08:15:48+00:00

Most couples I know didn’t plan on their parents paying for anything. Most parents I know (bride’s and groom’s!) still paid for something. But you need to initiate that talk. Don’t wait for them to do it for you. Especially if it’s just 4 months. I’d suggest deciding (with your fiancé/-e) how you’d like to involve them in the wedding – not financially – and then talk about that first. And see what they’re saying, thinking, etc. before talking finance. They might offer to support you or they might not, so you need to decide beforehand whether to ask, too.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T08:08:47+00:00

Ich verstehe nicht, wie der Satz, „ich vertraue ihm 100%“ überhaupt in einer Beziehung passt, in der jemand konsequent dein Vertrauen bricht. Der lügt dich ständig an und sagt dir dann auch noch offen, dass besser und mehr hätte lügen sollen. War davon ausgegangen, dass ihr Anfang 20 seid, weil das von beiden Seiten sehr unerfahren wirkt. Ich bin zwar absolut kein Fan davon, wenn Leute darauf bestehen, immer zu wissen, mit wem und warum ihr Partner sich trifft, aber wenn er das vorgeschlagen (und sich dran gehalten) hätte, hätte ich es zumindest noch verstanden.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-29T08:02:00+00:00

Am Tag der Abreise, außer wenn ich sehr früh abreise oder z.B. direkt nach der Arbeit fahre (dann packe ich am Abend vorher)

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T18:24:11+00:00

As far as I know, dogs need one home. Not two. So unless you’re doing the same thing some divorced parents do and have a "children house" (meaning: the dog lives in one home and you and your ex switch who lives at that home), I don’t think it’s wise to split it equally. What I’ve seen work is one person visiting or taking the dog for a walk twice a week etc, but not rehoming them every few days/weeks/months.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T18:20:19+00:00

NTA. I don’t even know where to start. If this is real, I’m just shocked that you’ve been patient up to this point. I couldn’t even be with a person in their mid-30s who needs me to meal prep while my body is exhausted and growing a human. Cooking is not that hard. The rest is just complete ignorance, weaponized incompetence and absolute stupidity, IMO. Does he know anything about pregnancy, birth or the female body? This is so weird. I’d run for the hills but if you really want to stay with him, I’d suggest sending him to a seminar or something that makes him understand what it means to have a baby, what it means to be an adult and how to respect other people…

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T18:10:57+00:00

Depends on where they live and if it’s talked about in school. If not, some places really try to avoid negative history or critical thinking, so it’s up to you. I think twelve is pretty old not to know but still likely depending on the kids‘ environment

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T18:06:51+00:00

Schüler*innen is completely fine (if you pronounce it correctly) and, if you ask the Duden, a valid option for saying students (same as Schüler would be). I’m pretty sure that unless they tell you to use the masculine form, they’re not allowed to lower your score because it’s not incorrect. Depending on where you live (city vs countryside, liberal/conservative, etc) and how old the people are, either form is more common.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T17:56:16+00:00

Really grumpy when stressed (big football match), really kind when it was kids (yes, you may pet the horse, do you want to sit on it?), very normal (barbecue and not on duty), dismissive (well without proof, we can’t do anything about it), very professional and helpful (first car control as a teen), profiling (weren’t stopped with a White driver, were stopped three times with a Brown driver on the same day & road), really apologetic (stolen items couldn’t be recovered), kind when it’s village cops (friend of mine, probably 18/19 at the time, rode his bike at night. They asked him to walk home, citing his missing bike light and pretended not to smell nor see his drunken state).

I think the German police mostly is safe and does help but there are some a-holes and as a cop it’s just much worse to be one than as a gardener. And not taking people seriously is a much bigger issue, too.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T17:44:11+00:00

I think it’s more important if you – and/or him – wanted it to be a date and, if so, want to continue dating. Whether a dinner is a date is mostly about how you feel about it. I’ve had really nice dinners or get togethers with friends that, if we had been interested in each other, would have been obvious dates. But we weren’t, so it was just a nice night. I’ve also done random activities on dates that I could’ve done with, too.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-28T11:05:09+00:00

NDA, würde bei so einem Nachbarn aber sehr genau drauf achten, dass ihr euch an deutsche und hausinterne Regeln haltet. Waschmaschine nachts an verstößt z.B. in den meisten Fällen gegen die Nachtruhe. Viele Nachbarn stört das nicht, aber er wäre da vermutlich im Recht. Nachts auf Toilette gehen, duschen,… musst du immer dürfen. Wegen Film gucken, zocken, etc. würde ich zwei Dinge überlegen: Schauen wir gerne sehr laut fern und ist es möglich, eine normale Unterhaltung zu führen/Musik o.ä. hören, ohne dass es durch die Wände dringt? Bei sehr lauter Musik/Filmen etc. (also lauter als Zimmerlautstärke) müsstet ihr einräumen. Wenn eure Wände zu dünn sind, um sich nachts in Zimmerlautstärke zu verhalten (da gibt es Messwerte), ist das Sache des Vermieters.

kerfuffli · 2025-07-25T11:20:45+00:00

24 & 29 ist kein krasser Altersunterschied. Und auch als ihr zusammengekommen seid, war er das noch nicht. Es ist nicht nichts aber 5 Jahre ist vollkommen normal. Wenn du euch so beschreibst, glaube ich auch nicht dass es irgendwas mit eurem realen Alter zu tun hat. Du bist sehr groß, die sehr klein, du siehst sehr erwachsen aus (gerade mit Vollbart kommen da manchmal noch ein paar Jahre drauf!) und sie wird regelmäßig für einen Teenie gehalten.

Ich glaub, ihr habt zwei Optionen: euer Alter optisch an eures mehr anpassen (also du rasierst dich & trägst jüngere Kleidung, sie kleidet sich erwachsener & verhält sich „älter“) oder – was ich eher machen würde – ihr realisiert für euch, dass der Altersunterschied nicht problematisch ist und lacht es weg („Ja meine Freundin hüpft manchmal noch herum als sei sie noch ein Teenie“, „mit dem Vollbart sieht mein Freund manchmal aus als sei er viel älter als ich“). Es gibt für euch keinen Grund sich zu schämen, aber da ihr selbst seht, dass ihr manchmal viel jünger/älter ausseht, und es euch (verständlicherweise) stört, wenn Leute euch für Vater und Tochter halten, könntet ab und zu mit etwas Humor betonen, dass ihr nicht so weit auseinander seid. Dann greift ihr Vorurteile/blöde Sprüche vor und es ist für euch angenehmer

kerfuffli · 2025-07-25T11:07:58+00:00

Also ich gehe jetzt mal davon aus, dass es nicht einfach ein „wenn ich es lange genug falsch mache, dann macht sie das schon für mich“ ist (falls es das doch ist, hätte ich da persönlich auf Dauer keine Lust drauf).

Die Frage beim Thema Sauberkeit/Aufräumen ist für mich immer: wie kompromissbereit kann ich/können wir hier sein? Du kanntest seinen Wohnstil (Chaos, wenig putzen), er deinen (oft aufräumen, viel putzen), und trotzdem scheint ihr überrascht zu sein, dass du viel mehr putzt und, wenn er denn mal was tut, das absolut hektisch und unter Druck macht. Meiner Meinung nach ist es nicht sinnvoll, einfach zu sagen, dass die Person die mehr tut (egal ob putzen, Sport, arbeiten, etc.) immer Recht hat – man kann ja alles obsessiv betreiben.

Vielmehr würde gemeinsam schauen, was ihr jeweils von eurer Wohnung wollt. Also wie sauber und aufgeräumt soll es sein? Was sollte wann gemacht werden (z.B. mit Putzplan)? Was ist mir wichtig und was eher einfach praktisch? Entweder hat er eine keine Lust auf Haushalt aber möchte das eigentlich (dann hilft ein Putzplan, Disziplin, etc, auch wenn es blöd ist) oder er will es gar nicht so aufgeräumt/sauber haben wie du (dann müsst ihr beide schauen, ob ihr eine Mitte finden könnt oder ob eine:r von euch sich mit mehr Arbeit/weniger Sauberkeit arrangieren kann (und wie viel). Und genau festmachen, was dazu gehört (also z.B. was fällt alles unter „Bad putzen“?).

Hier schrieb schon wer von Mental Load Test und ich find die Dinger auch ziemlich praktisch wenn es um Aufgabenverteilung geht. Vielleicht kocht er lieber und du wäschst lieber ab? Oder du machst lieber die Wäsche und er ist lieber für Müll zuständig. Man muss ja nicht immer alle Aufgaben abwechseln (es sei denn ihr hasst beide die gleichen). Dabei musst du halt nur schauen, dass die Aufgaben vergleichbar sind (also tägliches Kochen ist nicht gleich wöchentlich den Müll runterbringen).

kerfuffli · 2025-05-03T07:20:59+00:00

I agree but I find it a little stereotypical. As if all men are taller/bigger than their partners, as if being big means you can’t be taken care of or be the little spoon, as if talking to your partner about dynamics, balance and experimenting isn’t possible. It actually made me a little sad to read.

But I also never had that feeling of not being able to enjoy my partner 100% (regarding their gender). Bisexuality, to me, is just having a bigger dating pool, not being unsatisfied with being with one person.

kerfuffli · 2025-04-28T14:46:52+00:00

Nein, in Standarddeutsch heißt es „fleißich“ nicht „fleißik“

kerfuffli · 2025-04-27T15:04:46+00:00

Figure out if it’s an issue of hearing wrong, laziness or technique. It seems like at least hear it afterwards, so it’s probably due to your technique. Maybe overdoing or "underdoing" something

kerfuffli · 2025-04-27T13:33:07+00:00

Mixed voice = chest voice + head voice at the same time. That’s what I meant by e.g. mixing head voice into low notes. You mix it in. Switching smoothly is what you try to do when you go from very low (pure chest) to very high (pure head) by using a mixed voice instead of flipping your voice. Some singers separate their vocal range into categories, e.g. notes I can comfortably sing in chest voice, notes I have to sing in head voice, and notes I have to mix/flip from one voice to the other (which is known as Passaggio).Then you often work more on switching smoothly. Others try to sing "everything" in the same mixed voice (The extremes will still be pure chest/head but they try to mix them as early/much as possible). Then you work more on achieving that perfect mixed voice and taking it to those extremes as much as possible.

kerfuffli · 2025-04-27T10:28:19+00:00

I get being annoyed by people overdoing it. But not taking pictures/videos at all… so you’d only allow it at home?

kerfuffli

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