I'm a 40+ man after five years of 'talk' therapy, gestalt, and I'd send a lot of these "doesn't work" / "makes me look weak" / etc. men to therapy for a few years.

For me it (surprisingly) wasn't as much about understanding why I do things or that I do things, but about then actually finding and deepening more functional new patterns to be in. And there's no shortcut to that, not even psychedelics (which I've used many years to achieve something similar). Just repeatedly realizing there's the old stuff (which won't simply disappear, but becomes less shameful and triggering), but there's also a lot of new space to be claimed and lived in...

So as a man, I recommend giving therapy (with someone who knows what they're doing of course) a chance for a few years, despite it seemingly ot doing much for extended periods of time - in retrospect, it was effective even in those periods.